An American Attorney

American had just finished from a Guest lecture at school of the Italian law, when the Italian lawyer approached him and asked,

"Whether it is true that a person may fall within the scope of its own County, on the sidewalk, and for lots of money to sue landowners?"

Told that it was true, lawyer turned to his partner and quickly began to speak Italian. When they stopped American attorney asked if they wanted to go to the practice of law in the United States of America.

"No, no," one replied. "We are in the Americas and the Roadway."

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Afternoon Quickie

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 2, 2011 | No Comments

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation.

“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said.

“An ambulance just drove by.”

A few moments passed.

“Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out,

“Matt’s riding a new bike,”

“The Coopers are having sex.”

Mom and Dad shot up in bed.

“How do you know that?” the startled father asked.

“Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied.

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AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign “Speedbird 206?) after landing:

Speedbird 206: “Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway.”

Ground: “Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!”

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed to a stop.

Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”

Speedbird 206: “Stand by a moment ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”

Ground: “Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?!?”

Speedbird 206 (cooly): “Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but I didn’t stop.”

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Married Couple

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well,” said her mother, “so – how was the honeymoon?”

“Oh, mama,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…”

Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language – things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home… PLEASE MAMA!”

“Sarah, Sarah,” her mother said, “calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter, “I’m so embarrassed – they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE !!!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset… Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”

Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, mama…words like: Dust, Wash, Iron, Cook…”

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Marking of birds

Posted a day in the life of a joke | 31 May 2011 | There are no comments

Knight Ridder news service to the identification of the migratory birds that is used by the U.S. Department of Interior, metal bands are changed. Tapes, is used to replace the biological survey in Washington, and to shorten the address:

Wash Biol. Surv.

Until the next letter, received by the Office of the day: Arkansas

"Dear friends:

While camping last week shot up one user birds. I think that it was a crow. Cooking instructions are carried out in accordance with the leg-tag and I want to tell, was a tremendous. "

The bands are now marked with the Fish and Wildlife Service.

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Gelling Joke

Place this powder in someones drink and in no time it turns to jelly. Watch them try to drink it! Hilarious gag

Price: $3.99

Click here to buy from Amazon

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A PEARL BEHAVIOR

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight.” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it – to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”

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A Priest and A Nun

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 12, 2011 | No Comments

A priest and a nun are on their way home from a convention when suddenly, their car dies.

The priest says to the nun “Well Sister, I’m afraid we are going to have to go to a hotel for the night.”

The nun just smiles, and says ” OK, Father.”

They arrive at the hotel to find that there is only one room available. The priest says ‘Well Sister, I’m afraid we are going to have to share a room. I’m sure that under the circumstances, God won’t mind. You sleep in the bed and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

The nun just smiles and says ” OK, Father.”

They check into the room and prepare for bed, the priest on the couch, and the nun in the bed. The priest turns out the lights and goes to sleep.

Ten minutes later the nun says “Father, I’m cold.”

The priest says “OK Sister, I’ll get you an extra blanket.” He gets her a blanket and goes back to sleep.

Ten minutes later, the nun says “Father, I’m STILL cold.” So the priest gets up, gets her another blanket, and goes back to sleep again.

Ten minutes later, the nun says “Father, I’m VERY cold. You don’t suppose that, under the circumstances, God would mind if we acted like husband and wife for just one night?”

The priest answered, ” No. I don’t suppose he would – GET YOUR OWN DAMN BLANKET!”

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A priest and a nun

A priest and a nun on the Convention on the law applicable to their home when their car suddenly dies.

The priest says the nun "Well, I am afraid we are sister go to the hotel for the night."

Nun just Smiles and says "OK, dad.

They must reach the hotel, you'll find that there is only one room. The priest says, "well, I am afraid we are sister shall be divided into the room. I am sure that in the circumstances, God will not mind. A bed to sleep and I sleep on the sofa. "

Nun just Smiles and says "OK, dad.

They check the premises and to prepare for bed, the sofa, the priest and nun in the bed. The priest turns out to be the lights and go to sleep.

Ten minutes later the nun says "Dad, I am cold."

The priest says, "OK, you receive an error message that you can use the sister of blanket." He retrieves his blanket and go back to sleep.

Ten minutes later, the nun says "Dad, I'm still cold." So the priest shall receive his blanket and goes back to sleep again.

Ten minutes later, the nun says "Dad, I am very cold. You do not have assumed that the circumstances of the God mind if we acted like husband and wife only for one night? "

The priest replied, "I don ' t assume that he would GET you own – no DAMN BLANKET ORDER!"

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A new pair of glasses

Posted a day in the life of a joke | June 15, 2011 | There are no comments

We went to look for a new army private pair glasses Medical captain. I looked at the record and said the captain of the paper, "but just got a new pair last month!"

"Yes, Lord, (b). (b) ... but got them b..broken in the accident, "stammered private.

"What kind of an accident, an accident?" In the event of an accident, the captain of the dictionaries I looked at definitions and, in his book, "Road-March, firing range, in the event of an accident, an accident, an accident, drill the PT, in the event of an accident?"

"No, not any of those," said private.

"Well then, what is it?"

"I will tell you, sir, rather than to not …"

"No, there is no satisfactory explanation is not new," said the medical adviser, ready to survive, "you have to see my patients now."

"No sir, they wait for cracking my girl was suutelua," blurted the private.

"Don't be daft, man, how could you break my glasses suutelua a girl?"

"You can see, he crossed his legs …..."

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Managers’ Quotes

Joke of the Day Posted on | July 15, 2011 | No Comments

Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions:

- As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

- What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

- E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

- This project is so important, we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

- Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

- Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.” (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

- We recently received a memo from senior management saying: “This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above.” (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

- One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said “If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!” (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)

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Wacky Warning Labels

I bought a garden hose nozzle at the local hardware. It had one disclaimer: “Do not spray into electrical outlet.”

My favorite is the one on my birth control package. “Do not use if you plan on becoming pregnant”.

On a children’s cough medicine prescribed for my 5 year old was the warning ‘Do not drive or operate heavy machinery.’

My daughter has been diagnosed as being diabetic. On one of her packs of medication. “May cause loss of consciousness–symptoms–unconsciousness!” Danny

My favorite has always been the one on a hair drier I bought:
DO NOT USE IN SHOWER WHILE WATER IS RUNNING. You need one for your newsletter though: Caution–may stimulate thought and dispell comfortable ignorance !!

On an emergency contraceptive kit (morning after pill) a warning saying not to take it if you’re pregnant; sleeping pills come with a warning that they may cause drowsiness; Antibuse, a med to help overcome addictions (including alcohol) comes with a warning not to drink alcohol with it; straight razor blades which have a prominent marking saying Warning: this package contains sharp objects.”

There were many, many warnings tucked in the operators manual of my laptop. One said: “Do not use while immersed in water.” There’s a sticker on Microsoft keyboards which says “Warning: Some experts believe the use of any keyboard may cause serious injury. Consult statement on the back of this keyboard.” LeRoy As Sweden has so many lakes and waterways there are dozens of official ferries. One of the signs says “STOP–Ferry–this does not apply to vehicles boarding the ferry”. Another one is at the beginning of a Clearway (no stopping or parking) and you can see a bus-stop about 20 yards further on. They have to add a rider which says “Does not apply to buses in regular traffic.” Glenn

The stroller I have has a great one. Under the seat is a basket for groceries etc. and there is a label there to not place your baby in in the basket under the seat! Jen

A woman was suing her pharmacist because he didn’t tell her that the spermicidal jelly she bought was to be inserted before sex. Instead, she was spreading it on toast and eating it like, well, jelly. (I swear I’m not making this up). Her response was, “Who has time to read labels when you’re in the mood?” I never did hear the outcome of the suit, but the general response on our end was “Can you sue someone for being stupid?”

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Wacky warning markings

I bought a garden hose nozzle is a local hardware. It was one of the Disclaimer: "not to be injected into the electrical outlet."

My favorite is the one in control of my package. "Do not use if you plan on becoming pregnant".

Children's Cough medicine prescribed for my 5 year-old was the Warning "not to drive or operate heavy machinery".

My daughter has been found to be Diabetic. Together with his medication packages. "Consciousness – the symptoms-loss can cause unconsciousness!" Danny

My favorite has always been one that I bought the hair:
DO NOT USE THE SHOWER, THE WATER IS RUNNING. You need a bulletin although: is there to promote the idea of Caution – and more pleasant to dispell ignorance!!!

The emergency contraceptive Kit (morning after pill) can not be carried out, if you are pregnant, along with the pampatulog warning, saying the warning that they may cause drowsiness; Antibuse, to eliminate the med (including alcohol), the contact point is not to drink alcohol, appears in the warning. Straight edge razor blades, which is prominently marked, saying warning: this package includes sharp objects. "

There were many, many warnings, hidden away on my laptop's manual. One said: "do not use while immersed in the water." Not a sticker on the back of the Microsoft keyboards, which says "warning: some experts felt that all of the keyboard can cause serious harm. Negotiate this keyboard back into the Declaration. " LeRoy as in Sweden are so many lakes and waterways, there are dozens of Ferries. One of the characters says, "STOP – Ferry – this does not apply to vehicles in the ship to the flight". The second is the Clearway (n: o stopping or parking position) at the beginning and see a bus stop about 20 yards on the day. They must be added the rider that says "do not apply to buses with a regular service." Glenn

Stroller, I have a great one. In the Court of Justice of food shopping, etc. to the basket and the title is not your child will be placed under the seat to the basket, with no! Jen

The woman had her suing because of a pharmacist, he had to tell him that he bought was a mini-spermicidal inserted before sex. He was the wine instead of spreading is toast, and eating it as well. (I swear, that I am does not do this). His response was, "which is the time to read the labels when you're in the mood?" Ever hear the result of the suit, but we had to answer general away from "Can you sue someone for the time being silly?"

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Very alarming report

I just received a very alarming report, Don Sherwood. Read it and take precautions:

PLEASE READ AND HEED, THIS IS IMPORTANT NEWS FOR ALL THE GUYS THAT GO TO THE CLUBS OR BARS AND DRINKING.

The guys alert and cautious, while getting the girl drinking a quote. Forward this message to your friends with the guy. And girlfriends, take heed. No new drug is called a beer that is closest to liquid form. The drug is now available in the women's sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims of sex with them. Shocking statistic is that the beer is available almost anywhere! All of the girls has to be done is to buy a beer or two to almost any guy and asks simply home no strings attached sex buddy. Men literally melt in a country of such attacks.

Not good! Shall communicate this to all you know …

Scary stuff!

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USD 2 dollar Bill

Posted on daily joke | July 6, 2011 | There are no comments

On the way home from work I stopped at Taco Bell, if fast troubleshooting procedures to eat. Are my billfold is a $ 50 Bill and the $ 2 Bill. I've read that one invoice, where I can get something to eat, and to ensure that anyone irritated me ever trying to break the $ 50 bill that does not exist.

Me: "Hey, one of the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, go to the seven layer burrito."

Server: ' which is the $ 1.04. Eat? "

Me: "no, it must go."

At this stage, open the my billfold on the one hand, and the one for him in a BOM. He shows it's funny.

Server: "Uh, hang, I have as soon as the stopwatch back."

He goes to talk to her manager, who is still in my earshot. The following discussion occurs between the two of them:

Server: "Hello, never see the $ 2 Bill?"

Manager: "a what?"

Server: "the $ 2 Bill. This guy just gave it to me. "

Manager: "ask something else. Does anything matter than the $ 2 Bill. "

Server: "Yeah, thought about it."

He comes back to me and says, "don't tell them whether you have anything else?"

Me: "Just his fifty. Do not enable the $ 2 bills? Why Are You? "

Server: "I do not know."

Me: "Look here, where it says the legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah."

Me: "why have you come to it?"

Server: "well, hang in the seconds."

He moves back to his Manager, who is looking at me like I'm a shoplifter, and tells him, "he says he must take it."

Manager: "does he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, fifty. Displayed, and you can open the safe and Get more. "

Manager: "I am not safe to open for him here."

Server: "what do I do?"

Manager: "tell him to come again later when he is for real."

Server: "I can tell him that! You can tell him. "

Manager: "just tell him."

Server: "no way! This is weird. I'm going back. "

Project Manager, approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we do not enable large bills for this night."

Me: "it is only seven o'clock! Well then here is a two-dollar bill. "

Manager: "we do not enable either."

Me: "why not?"

Manager: "I think you know why."

Me: "not really … tell me why."

Manager: "Please leave before the end of the shopping centre will call the security."

Me: "excuse me?"

Manager: "Please leave before the end of the shopping centre will call the security."

Me: "what is the earth?"

Manager: "Please, sir."

Me: "uh, go ahead, call them."

Manager: "leave only?"

Me: "No."

Manager: "fine — it is the case then."

Me: Hey, Burger King, is it? "

At this stage, he supports me away from the mall, and calls on the security of the angle of your phone. I have two people staring at me in the dining area and starts laughing aloud, for effect. A few minutes later, this 45-year-buddy becomes oldish

Security guard: "Joo, Mike, what this is?"

(Whispering): "this guy is trying to give me some of the … (pause) the funny money. "

Security guard: "not a joke! What? "

Manager: "get this … the two dollar bill."

The watchman (incredulous): "why is the guy with two counterfeit dollar bill?"

Manager: "I do not know. She is kinda weird. He says the only other thing he is fifty. "

Security guard: "Oh, so 50 is a fake!"

Manager: "No, the two dollar bill."

Security guard: "why does he fake two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I do not know! You can talk to him, and he or she can get on here? "

Security guard: "Yeah."

Security guard walks me and …

Security guard: "Mike, this tells me is some of the fake bills to try to use it."

Me: "Uh, no."

Security guard: "Let's see ' the fifties '

Me: "Why?"

Security guard: "do you want me to I can COP here?"

At this point, I am ready, that is to say, "Sure, please!", but I want to eat, so I say: "I have only tried to buy a burrito, and it will pay a two-dollar bill."

I put the Bill of his face near and he flinches as I am taking a swing at him. He makes a product structure, delete it a few times with his hand and says, "Hey, Mike, what is wrong with the structure of this product?"

Manager: "it is a forgery."

Security guard: "it does not look fake to me."

Manager: "but the two dollar bill."

Security guard: "joo …?"

Manager: "No, there is no such thing, is there?"

Security guard, and the same for him as he is an idiot and it dawns that he does not have a clue buddy.

As it turns out that my burrito was free, he threw a small drink and some of these thingies cinnamon too.

Made me want to get the entire stack of two dollar bills only, if you want to see, what happens if I try to buy the stuff.

If I got the right group of people, I am probably would end up in jail. Get a free food in there too!

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Viagra diary

Viagra diary

1 day.
Celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary only with a lot to celebrate. When it came to reenact our wedding night time, he locked himself in the bathroom, and cried.

Day 2.
Today, he says that he has a big secret to tell me. He is impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why does he tell me something I don't know!I mean, gimme a break. [1] [2] he has been distorted, for so long he even walks with a limp.

Day 3.
Marriage problems. Woman needs. Yesterday, the picture of the Washington Monument and thus incorporated into the screens burst.

Day 4.
There has been a miracle! No new drug on the market, which resolves the problem of ' his '. It is called Viagra. I told him that if he does Viagra, things are just as if they were our wedding night.He said, "this time I am rather would not have their own mother join."I believe that this has been replaced by His works. [1] [2] Prozac Viagra hope to something other than his mood.

7 day.
This Viagra case has gone to his head. [1] [2] is not intended to be red! Yesterday is a Burger King, the Director asked me if I like Whopper. He thought they were talking about him.Get over yourself!Not everything is about you! But must admit …

Day 8.
I think he took too much over the weekend. Yesterday instead of field work, lawn, he was using the new friend artificial whacker.Sore as hell …

Day 10.
Okay, I admit it I'm hiding. I mean, the girl takes only so much matters worse,. in order to ensure that he or she is washing and Viagra hard cider with!Janet Reno photo does not work.What am I to do? I feel tacky all over

Day 11.
Side-effects begin to get to him.Everything is turning blue. [1] [2] of the day, we had been watching the Hamlet and he thought it was "the Smurfs Don't Denmark."Even my armpits to hurt.He is a nasty man.

Day 12.
OK I have, in principle, are drilled to death. [1] [2] it is going to Black & Decker power tool.I woke up this morning with hot-glued to the bed.

Day 13.
I hope that he was gay. [1] [2] Liza Minelli albums I bought 400 and keep saying "fabulous" and remain in full force and effect as if he pursued all his professional activity to keep coming after me!, although the yawning has become a dangerous …

Day 14.
Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife believes. every time I close my eyes, is a fast attack!, it is going to sleep with scud missile. Suppose he is not hope, such as ex-President Bush, and then click to clear the 100 days. [1] [2] I can walk barely and if he tries to that "Oops, sorry," butt thing again, I am never gonna kill him.

15 day.
You have done all the heavy goods vehicles for the use of anything in the works for him. [3] [4]. I started even dressing like a nun. "now he tells me," Sister Wendy "makes" the father of Woody "to dog … such as kaarnaAuta me.

16 day.
I'm starting all I sit. fear him longer cats and neighbors. last night I said to him, screw, he made himself …. I think I have to kill him. [1] [2] then he go he wants to visit … My happiness characterized by the way. (I) do not need to be able to close the casket.

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House Shopping

My husband had run to the store with our daughters, Sarah (4) and Hannah (2) and on the way home he drove through a neighborhood looking for houses for sale. After a bit Sarah asked, “Daddy, what are we doing?”

My husband said he was looking at the houses that were for sale.

Sarah asked “Are you gonna buy a new house?”

Dad replied “Maybe.”

Then Sarah said with much concern, “But Dad, how will we get it HOME?!”

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Almost Got Caught

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 10, 2011 | No Comments

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.

One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she loosed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

“No way,” the blonde exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday!”

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American In Paris

This is a true story. My sister and I spent two weeks in Paris. The locals obviously hated Americans. No matter where we went, we were subject to rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc. After a while it started to irritate us.

One day, in Paris, my sister went shopping. She entered a store and started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she was look through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her and very abruptly asked if he could help her.

My sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she politely declined his help. She continued to look at the clothes. Then she noticed that every clerk in the store was staring at her.

Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When she could take this treatment no longer, she turned on her heels, with her head held high, and left the shop.

As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read “Dry Cleaners.”

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TAIPEI CHASTE

One morning the man came into the Church of crutches. He stops the Holy water, to move the part of both feet and then threw away his crutches.

To change the boy saw the scene and then ran into a rectory to tell the priest that he had just seen.

"Boy, you've just seen a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me what is this man now?"

"Flat is the possession of the Holy water in her ass," said the son.

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Taxi-driver and a priest to Die …

He is waiting for a long time and finally St. Peter goes and asks: "why would the taxi driver to go to the highest heaven, and I spoke about my life, all of which is of God, is expected to be a long time?"

St. Peter replies: "when you were speaking to the people in my church, who was in sleep mode. But while driving the taxi driver had all prayed to the Lord! "

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Londons Times Funny Music Cartoons - Bee Gees Collectible, I Started A Joke - Greeting Cards-6 Greeting Cards with envelopes

Bee Gees Collectible, I Started A Joke Greeting Card is measuring 5.5w x 5.5h. Greeting Cards are sold in sets of 6 or 12. Give these fun cards to your friends and family as gift cards, thank you notes, invitations or for any other occasion. Greeting Cards are blank inside and come with white envelopes.

Price: $14.49

Click here to buy from Amazon

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Who’s On First? For the Next Generation.

Joke of the Day Posted on | July 23, 2011 | No Comments

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That’s what I want to know.

Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.

George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow’s name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The main man in China!

Con di: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?

Condi: I’m telling you, Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That’s the man’s name.

George: That’s who’s name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he’s dead in the Middle East.

Condi: That’s correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don’t want Kofi?

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China!!!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone!!!

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One of the conferences and a healthy life, humor, jokes

One of the Conference, sharing is the best jokes, laughter and happiness to your friends and family. There are a lot of things happen in our everyday life, but after all the stresses of life, we must find the cause of good luck for the move. One of the hold of his business and family life. Everyone wants to be successful, but should not forget to live your life. The wise way to live life and enjoy the smiles and is regarded as the moment.

Has rightly said that "success is getting what you want. Luck is what you get. " Our dreams and our desire to encourage us to do something extraordinary. There is nothing useful to success, if you use it. It should be when rules, without any hesitation forget to laugh and say what you want to say. One of the liner conferences, short jokes, sharing is very useful at that time. It will guide you through the process of unloading ice and makes people laugh. Laughter is contagious and everyone feels happy with us at happy hours. It gives us a positive energy to live our lives. It is a unique case in conjunction with binding to the people and to be closer to each other.

When you want to start a conversation with another person, or to help friends Doll, humor much to get a good start, and the mood changes. Life, the only thing that always has a good piece of work and other treatment. Do not always have a professional, soft and emotional touch to colleagues, friends, relatives, family and well wishers to learn. Daily jokes jurisdiction to instant Laughter in the face. These aiheuttamiseen are very easy to remember, when you want to share them.

There are a lot of hidden benefits when you make yourself happy and stay with the jolly mood. Some of them are:-

For you to stay healthy.
Blood pressure remains in control in accordance with the.
You to all of the en.
Your face Glow more.
Laughter is a kind of exercise, which keeps you fit and fine.
Energy increases.
Residence in body and mind balance.

There are a lot of Laughter clubs, which, in practice, the Laughter. They know that it is the best way to stay healthy. Personally write lots of jokes, one of the Conference of my diary, and share them when the situation will be. So use this the easiest way to do your life more enthusiastic.

Search the collection for the humor One liner conferences, jokes, , and the Daily jokes.

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The Island's Ferry

Posted a day in the life of a joke | 8. June 2011 | There are no comments

Depressed young woman was so desperate that he decided to end his life throwing himself in the seas. When he went to the young, handsome sailor noticed her tears, took pity on him and said: "Behold, you have learned how much live. I am off to Europe in the morning and if you want, you can compress to my ship. I take good care of you and bring you food on a daily basis. "

The people, he löystynyt his arms around his shoulders and added "I will keep you happy, and you keep me happy."

The girl nodded "Yes." After all what he had to lose? The night on board the vessel, the sea and hid a man brought to his life on the boat. After this, every night he brought his three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love at dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, he was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the master asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," he explained. "He will take with me to Europe, and he is screwing me."

"He certainly is, lady … "This is the Staten Island Ferry!"

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Who's on first? The next generation.

George: market Condi! Funny to see you. What has happened?

Sir, I am a market Condi report here about China's new leader.

George: great. Give me.

China's Hu: market Condi, a new Director.

George: this is what I want to know.

Market Condi: this is what you speak of.

George: it's what I am asking. Who is the new leader of China?

Market Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Market Condi: Hu.

George: The Guy In China.

Market Condi: Hu.

George: the new leader of China.

Market Condi: Hu.

George: China's main man!

Con: Hu to lead China in the di.

George: now asks for me, whaddya '?

Market Condi: speak unto you, Hu to lead China 's.

George: well, I am asking. Who's who in China in the lead?

Market Condi: this is the man's name.

George: who's who, has has a name?

Market Condi: Yes.

George: will you, or it does not tell me the name of the Director of the new China?

Market Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought that he is dead in the Middle East.

Market Condi: this is the correct one.

George: Who's Who In China Then?

Market Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir has in China?

Market Condi: no, sir.

George: Then who?

Market Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Market Condi: no, sir.

George: shows market Condi. Do I need the name of the Director of the new China. The Secretary General of the law to get on the phone.

Market Condi: Kofi?

George: well, thank you.

Market Condi: Want Kofi?

George: No.

Market Condi: the you do not want Kofi?

George: no, but now that you mention it, a glass of milk could be used. And then make me Act

Market Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! Buddy, Bill

Market Condi: Kofi?

George: milk! Please call? "makes its

Market Condi: and invite who?

George: who is the man the u. N is?

The guy is a: market Condi in China.

George: you will remain in the people's Republic of China!

Market Condi: Yes, sir.

George: and stay in the Middle East! Just get me the guy is the law

Market Condi: Kofi.

George: all right! Cream and two sugars. Now you can get the phone

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An American Attorney

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 8, 2011 | No Comments

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked,

“Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?”

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

“No, no,” one replied. “We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks.”

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Paris Hilton Paris Hilton jokes: Hip Hop CD version

PARIS HILTON TO RELEASE HIP HOP CD. She made a guest appearance on the rap Duet with Vanilla Ice?

Vanilla Ice:

All right stop-cooperation and listen

This ice is back to Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton: someone grabs me, checked baggage, the closely-

My boobs are outta my nighty poppin

It never stops? Yo--I do not know

Turn off the lights-and blow

The extreme, I am a rock such as crotch scandal

Light up the stage I deep throat in the pan-handle

Dance-the-bum rush the speaker that booms

Your brain killing I am, I am dumb than assumed

Deadly herpes--will give you an incredible

Use the less my attention to this medley of breast export

Love it or leave it you always my way

The culmination of the camera, but then you need to pay

If there was a problem, solve it, for my father

Check out the Nose hook, even though my DJ revolves it

CHORUS

I got Ice Ice baby

****************

* Paris Hilton to release hip hop CD.

What is the problem here? Each rap song is today money, bling and cars. Paris has all 3! MORE to the Council, acting by qualified majority is the only rapper white woman is Martha Stewart. Because he has been the Cummings!

Martha: it is hood-case!

* Paris Hilton to release his first CD! If it is something like his first DVD has ever really blow!

* Celebrity, Adult Video Star removed from mediocre, Bad actress, Paris Hilton, yttelijà is the release of the CD.

The man in the bar is so low, the midget could limbo under it.

* His competitor, Nicole Richie, intends to respond to "diss" record. They're like 50%, and skanks and Rule.

* Record companies is the new Paris Hilton CD finally designed anti-piracy technology that ensures no one illegally Download his songs off the Internet. The technique is called "Paris Hilton's song."

Find more Twisted humor

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Nickel (five cents), and Dime (10 cents)

Little Johnny uses the local corner at responding. The owner knew Little Johnny problem was, but the boys Tease him constantly.

They always comment that he had two bricks shy of the load or two pickles and smoking tobacco. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Little Johnny with a nickel (five cents), and dime (10 cents) and Little Johnny always take nickel — they said because it was higher.

One day after the Little Johnny, the store owner was nickel took him aside and said, "the Little Johnny, these boys are making you happy. They think, you know, it's a good idea to more than nickel dime. Are grabbing nickel, just because it is the greater. "

Slowly toward the Little Johnny deleted container owner and large grin appeared on his face and he said, "Well,!" If I took the dime, they stop doing it and so far, you've saved $ 20 …

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Noah's Ark

"Listen up!" Noah said, demanding voices. "Is not based on sex, this journey. All of you, take off your uroksia peckers and, on the other hand, my son. (I) there is more than to sit and write a receipt. When we see a country, you can get back to your own peckers. "

After approximately one week in Mr. rabbit stormed his wife and was very excited.

He said "Quick!". "Get out the window yesterday and consider whether or not there will be country!"

Mrs. rabbit got onto his shoulders and looked out the window.

"Sorry, not yet."

"Shit!" and out of the went to Mr. rabbit.

This went on every day of the week, until Mrs. rabbit food with him.

"What is the matter? You know, it's raining forty days and nights. Only when the water is spillage will be able to see the country we are. Why are so excited every day? "

"Look!" said Mr. rabbit sinister appearance, and his face as he was considered to be a piece of paper, "I got my ass at reception is available around the clock!"

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You Should See My Aunt Onesie

The perfect gift for your new niece or nephew! This bright white onesie comes with "If you think I'm cute, you should see my aunt" on the front in bright red letters! Made of 100% cotton.

Price:

Click here to buy from Amazon

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Ain't No joke in the world for women, according to Keith Wright-book review

Author Keith g. Wright has released the latest insertion of his "Ain't No joke" in the series. Unlike his previous two books, one about the invitation to tender for the information of the parent and another surviving teenage days-this is about something he has never gone through ... is a woman. The man, or even within the-this man writes book on dualism and the roadblocks that modern women face on a daily basis take?

"The women of the world Ain't No joke: beautiful, intelligent & Powerful in the world of the Holy Ghost, unpardonable" is incorporated into the facts of the history of the meeting of the women have suffered from the appearance. Starting at our forefathers (or foremothers) of the fight against the equal rights of today's woman, who battles the glass ceiling and women in the media of entertainment for processing times for sex has always been barriers. Wright, a passionate picture of the situation of women that paints the history of the future, we look at the disturbing, as he calls on society to put an end to the disrespectful behaviour towards female air crew. He considers his book call to all the women on their daughters and granddaughters to speak against the injustices-fate. The men are blamed for everything, and "is not always the man at the helm of the disaster."

Wright makes a thorough review of the work to demonstrate that the "Modern" world not as mighty as a knowledgeable and we may think would be the presentation of statistical data. Violent crime, divorce, lack of education and the amounts of the refunds are just some of the problems. Wright, American women's turn to lead in favour of and to the entire world. I think that most of his astounding scenes of the book consists of a modern woman, paralleling the current Straits of Black America "downfall". "Women and Black America divided the entire lead is similar to the civil rights Era and it comes in, the pace of the current degradation, they may share a similar fall. .. today, Black America, and the importance of running plays out of ... and the u.s. women appear to be bent, brilliant in the same trail, eyeing the fate of the very similar." He also notes the racial slurs in the double-standard-Don Imus, the words still ringing tones from a strong but our ears D.L. Hughley's comments on the Jay Leno Show, heard them, but not in the public outcry, millions of Edicomiin.

"The women of the world Ain't No joke" is not at all what I expected. Admiration, combined with the inspiration and motivation to achieve in writing, of his race, religion, and even gender across borders. I found myself becoming more and more intrigued, as I got deeper Wright's message in this paper, a preliminary inspection of the community. Women of all ages are sure to find "the World of women Ain't No joke" informative and eye-opening when men are learning is the adoption of sons and boyfriends, marriage, men and fathers.

One of the mother of the boy as Keith g. Wright took his first hand-from the perspective of what life is like for today's woman and bring beautiful, intelligent and powerful words. Activated for society as a better tomorrow, he calls today's women to receive disrespect, and at the same time, regardless of the fighting against the cause in the world, they need to succeed. objectifying Regardless of race, religion or sex "the World of women Ain't No joke" is a wonderful tribute to the past and for the message, empowering our future. So what I believe in the man-of-this man writing in this kind of book? I believe that his mama raised him with Wright.

Ain't No joke, Inc. (2008)

ISBN 9780977834228

Vicki Landes Reader reviewed the views (1/08)

http://www.readerviews.com/

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Add your voice to humor without jokes says

How often have you heard someone joke started by Chairman? Too often, probably. Limited experience of the speakers tend to tell jokes, only to get a laugh at the hope, the audience warm them. The jokes are often not relevant to the topic of the speech.

Experienced speakers know are better ways to add humor speech or presentation, including:.

Using the funny stories and anecdotes, jokes, not-for-speech

Everyone has had a bad experience with a fun, coming from the passage of time. They make great stories from today's tragedy is a funny anecdote of tomorrow.

Unless you're comfortable talking about yourself poolside, to borrow from other stories of the people. It is acceptable, as long as you credit the source.

Collect the stories your audience

"jollytologist," Allen Klein tells you how he often invites his audience, "How do you spell search words of relief?" "L-A-U-G-H" was his answer. Then, one of his presentations during a user group member shouted out, "D-I-V-O-R-C-E." It was hysterical. Klein is now a part of many of his presentations to the story.

Creating a fun atmosphere in the room, before you speak

Since I am a former News anchor and sportscaster, I arranged a tour for me some and sometimes my worst is--part of the air is shown in the video clips (the material had much to read) of the person. Part of the got always laughing people, and also to tell myself to laugh at fear wasn't a bit-for-a great way to combine them in the beginning.

Self-denigrating the humor

the 70 's, Gerald Ford was President of skewered on a regular basis for his Saturday Night Live, the lack of information about the additional period. Ford struck back by making fun of myself better than SNL writers never could.

He told his audience that night, he met his wife, Betty, and how he wanted her to dance, "which in the worst way." Then he said, "and Betty later told me I did just that--the worst dance."

Ford also said he had come to her College Center on the football team, since the Center was the only location where he or she does not need to move my feet.

If someone as important as the former President as poke fun at themselves, the rest of us can be too. Self-denigrating the humor is a powerful tool.

Using an interesting speech feet

Sometimes the show together "ifb" to use such as in the Centre stands. IFB, (which is also called "interruptible feedback) of the ear piece of the TV reporters to use when they are made live reports from the Scene story. Allows you to hear back from the Studio of IFB human written on them, you are being introduced and also allows you to consult the anchors may ask you questions.

I mean, sometimes the blooper clip art image, what can happen when something goes wrong with the IFB. The clip showed the female reporter and a stuttering stammering during a live report. She sounded absolutely smashed. He did not.

It turns out someone accidentally pressed the wrong button on the control back to the room and sitting on his own words, was a reporter for his for about half a second after, IFB, he spoke to, who will take my word, it is very distracting. Approximately 15 seconds, he battled and tried to be a professional, such as he could, but it's harder, more fun, he tried sounded. He eventually copied his ear and his of IFB report continued.

The clip was always howling audience.

Borrowing the humor

The Internet is an excellent place to find a single padding; and funny quotes. Personally, I often borrowed from Yogi Berra ("when you get to the fork in the road, take it. .."), Will Rogers ("when the Christian Democrats want to form a firing squad, they get to the circle of the ...") and many others.

Purchases for the humor of it selling to persons who

Are the professionals who write funny stuff for you, and they generally are not expensive. You can also check the local Comedy Club and hire someone who is not likely to be quite good to write something ... the padding; Or search for "Humor writers" or "humorists," on the Internet.

Steve Allen once said, "people, rather than the Welfare of educated." But if you can, to entertain and educate at the same time, you have a great speech--without the makings of one of the never tells the joke.

George McKenzie is a TV anchor and radio as a retired talk show host. He often participates in , Chairman of the success of, where you can find more information and advice on how to make a speech and public speaking articles.

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Superstitions

1. the thief: Oh! The police is here.Ran out of the window, switch to the quick!
2. the thief: but this is the 13th floor.
1. the thief: hurry up!, this is the superstitions and time.

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Strange

Posted a day in the life of a joke | 29. May 2011 | There are no comments

A lawyer named Strange and his friends died, asked the Government military tombstone Maker, his tombstone, "This is a Strange, honest man and a lawyer."

Inscriber insisted that such a mark would be confusing, because usually the passersby to think that the three men were buried under a stone.

However, he suggested an alternative: he in the military Government, "here is a man who was both a lawyer and are dealt with as quickly as possible."

In this way, whenever someone has walked in and read it in tombstone, Arizona, they would certainly draw the attention of:

"That is strange!"

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Joke Golf Balls "Over The Hill" Great Gift Hilarious

The sayings on the golf balls will leave you smiling no matter what your score.

Price:

Click here to buy from Amazon

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Medical Chart Notes

Joke of the Day Posted on | July 13, 2011 | No Comments

1. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

7. Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. She is numb from her toes down.

15. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

16. The skin was moist and dry.

17. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

18. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.

21. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

26. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

27. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

28. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.

29. Patient was found in bed with her power mower.

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Millionaire

John is appearing on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” with Regis Philbin.

Regis, “John, you’re up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars. If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?”

John, “Yes.”

Regis, “Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A)robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) pigeon.”

John, “I’d like to phone a friend. I’d like to call Mary.”

Mary answers the phone: “Hello?”

Regis, “Hello Mary, it’s Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend John here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be John’s…”

John, “Mary, which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) pigeon.”

Mary, “Oh, John. That’s simple. It’s a cuckoo.”

John: “Are you sure?”

Mary, “I’m sure.”

Regis, ” You heard Mary. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?”

John, “I want to play; I’ll go with C) cuckoo.”

Regis, “Is that your final answer?”

John, “Yes.”

Regis “Are you confident?”

John “Yes; I think Mary’s pretty smart.”

Regis, “You said C) cuckoo, and you’re right! Congratulations, you have just won one million dollars!”

To celebrate, John flies Mary to New York. That night they go out on the town. As they’re celebrating, John looks at Mary and asks her, “Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?”

“That’s easy, everybody knows they live in clocks.”

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Pig special

Posted on daily joke | on June 27, 2011 | There are no comments

The man is walking distance from the old country road and stops when he sees the Apple fruit grove to the farmer. He gets a little closer and sees the farmer throws the three legged pigs down in application.

The man became closer, and requested the farmer "Wow, that some of the pigs in the ya got there. Why does he only has three legs? "

The farmer replied, "well, this saved me and my wife as pig a terrible fire. Lantern, our barn fell and ignited Hay loft. The pig from the barn and the House got ended woke me and my wife JUST in TIME. "

The man was a farmer, and said, "well, that's true in special pig, but never told me how he lost his leg."

The farmer replied, "well, you!", as I said, this is a real special here, with the pigs and the pigs to eat, not specific to it all at the same time

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Pills

Need to buy the bull's service to the Rancher's cows, but must borrow money from the Bank. Bankers who lend the money comes at a later date to see how the stake goes on a weekly basis. The farmer to the argues that the bull market, while at the same time, and does not eat grass to even see the cows. The dealer will propose that the veterinarian is to take a look at the Bull.

Next week to see if the dealer returns in the vocational education and training, helped. The farmer looks very satisfied:

"Bull serviced all my cows, broke through the fence twice, and maintained in all the neighbouring is a cows three times."

"Wow," says the bankers "Which made the Bull in the vocational education and training?"

"Only gave him some pills," replied the farmer.

"What kind of pills?" asked the dealer.

"I do not know," says the farmer, "but they sort of taste like chocolate."

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The best Man jokes-Inject humor best Man speech

You can select one of the best male friend of the groom has shown a lot of confidence in my abilities, and you do not want to give him. You also want to Inject your voice, humor, and make sure that it stays in the public memory over a long period of time to come. What the guide lines are so respected, while at the same time employing your voice humor?

We understand that responsibility also after shouldering a myriad of would you like to stay at the Golden Globe Award for best actor to make funny speech, without too much work.

Follow the instructions below and the winner are:
First of all, even cracking jokes, remember to keep the catalysts of Poker straight face, the audience laugh harder. Article is definitely not laughing even before you start a joke
Considered to be the Chairman of the State-of-the-art light and infuse a little humor here and there, this is to ensure that all the attention, and it remains to be seen to.
Speech; the originality of the closed, you can make the speech. Keep in mind that the important thing.
ICES, profanity of any kind; This includes gestures and sign language.
Dirty jokes and comments of the groom or the bride, or any other cause raised eyebrows and your voice is not received well.
Although the recounting tales of the groom to make mention of childhood with the embarrassing incidents.
Refrain from recounting the liability in the case of the problem. In the future groom, bride, or to cause another person's embarrassment.
Alienate each color, caste, creed or religion. People have come to participate in a Close one of the wedding, and you do not want the cake or pelted with stones.

Stand straight and enable the best jokes.

If you want to search for a unique sample of best man speeches and toasts, check out the best in the human voice and toasts website.

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Spelling It Out

My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won’t understand what we’re saying. I didn’t realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle. An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, “Boy, is she r-u-d-e!”

“Yeah,” he replied, “and I’ll bet she can s-p-e-l-l.”

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Life in the 1500s

Joke of the Day Posted on | July 14, 2011 | No Comments

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by the next month. Even so, they were starting to stink, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children – last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty someone could actually get lost in it! Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.”

Houses had thatched roofs – thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs.”

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house in those days. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could really mess up a nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floors were dirt, and only the wealthy had something other than dirt, from which came the saying “dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when the door was opened it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway to prevent this, hence the saying a “thresh hold.”

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man “could bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat.”

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or “upper crust.”

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock people out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a “wake.”

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a “bone-house” and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the “graveyard shift”) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered a “dead ringer.”

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Sardarji's MOM Letter

Posted on Day joke | 5. November 2010 | No Comments

A good Banta

Vahe Guru!

I am very well here, and I hope are at the same of the one part, and the spread within the community. [1] [2] I am writing this letter because I know, slowly, cannot be read quickly.

We live, where we passed when you left the home page.Oman's father, read the newspaper, that most accidents happen 20 nautical miles from home, so that we can move the 20-mile.

Can be sent to the address, as last amended by Sardar, which was in this House numbers for them, a new house in such a way as to enable them to avoid having to change their address by next week., I hope we have the opportunity to bring this to our previous address rear registration-plate illuminating device in such a way as to ensure that our address is still the same too.

This is really nice. [1] [2] It is even a washing machine, commode, situated above the. I'm not sure it works. Last week 3 shirts, pulled the chain, and you have not seen them since then.

This climate is not too bad. It rained only twice last week. For the first time it rained 3 days and the second time in 4 days.

You wanted me to send you a fully-featured jacket in my Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send messages with metal buttons, so that we can cut them and place them in a pocket.

Oman's father, is the second work.He is a member of the 500 men to him.He has cut grass is a cemetery.

Otherwise, I took a Bahu us Club poolside.The Director is really badmash.He told him that the two-piece bathing suit is not allowed in this club. [1] [2] we were confused about which piece should Microsoft delete?

Oman had a baby sister. [3] [4] I found this morning is not whether it is a girl or a boy, so I do not know whether you Aunt or uncle.

Oman Uncle Jetinder fell very close to some of the men tried to drag. [1] [2] he was off, but he fought bravely and thereof were drowned their. Me cremated upon him, and he burned for three days.

Your best friend Balwinder, no longer exists. [1] [2] he died, trying to fill the last wishes of his father. [3] [4] his father was wanted buried at sea, when he died. [1] [2] And even from the Grave of his father died from digging up your friends.

Does not have a lot more news at the moment, Nothing much has happened. [citation needed].

P.S: Beta, I was going to send money, but I realized I had at the time of this already closed off this letter.

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Sex therapist

Woman sought sex therapist advice that he has found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could meet her, and that it was very wearisome, and find out all the short term, confiding relations.

"Does not exist in some way to assess the size of a man outside devices?" BA he requested controls.

"The Only safe way is, depending on the size of his feet," counselled therapist.

So the woman went downtown and proceeded to Cruise the streets until she became a permanent unemployment of young people in out-of-the-line yourself, in which he had never mentioned his eyes on the maximum size of the feet. He took him to dinner and he wined dined, and then took him back to his apartment to abandon in the evening.

When the man woke up the next morning, a woman was already gone, but the desk lamps table was $ 20 Bill, and it is important to note that read,

"With my compliments. Take this money and then go out and get a pair of shoes that fit you. "

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Redneck Lifestyle-more than a joke or a funny picture

Redneck is usually thought white, working class US-southerner. Now, however, can be found in the Rednecks throughout all regions of the country. Up to a certain degree of interest in the culture of the overseas countries. It probably began as a reference to the date of the meeting of the persons working in the fields of the sun burned head. In some parts of the country they are called hillbillies, hicks, the only country bumpkins, or seriously. Rednecks are Americans who are working on your hard disk to support their families. They are always ready for Sunday school teachers, youth leaders, and anything else their night out in the community requires a volunteer to help.

Acts such as Jeff Foxworthy, the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, and Gretchen Wilson brought the culture, the popularity of the recent priority and separated from the sparks new interest has increased, and the popularity of the lifestyle. More and more people are finding that they are related to the simple way of life. Check it out, many of the jokes and funny pictures and Search is more than just a laugh.

Although the culture began to the South are likely to be, you do not need to be a redneck butadiene-styrene thermoplastic rubber originating in the South. It is really a state of mind. They have their own particular perspective and mostly free of care of the details of the back. There is great value in the increase of Outdoor activities such as hunting, fishing and camping equipment and, of course, NASCAR. They own than more than a play-load, even though it is usually a large traction force.

Rednecks protect their home and family, thank God for what they have, also, if it is not a lot of money, work and fun, do it. They know how to deal with the opposite sex, and are generally attracted to partners that operate in the same way.

The term refers to someone with good sense and ability of the building and fixing things. Many tend to accumulate too much spam, much of it stored in the front lawn. But much of the spam has been good to build new things, that although very pretty is a functional purpose, they serve.

In most cases, they love to God, their country and the State and the army's staunch supporters are. Most people believe, not money, caring for more information about relationships and family life. Romance is in the pursuit, as determined on the basis of chief mate on the surface, and is not afraid of faithful hihansa requirement. Many are single parents and their children, mainly focusing on their knowledge.

Redneck stereotypically imagined as you consume Cheap American beer Budweiser as relevant. Typically such past simple friends seriously, kouluttamatonta people, and therefore they are the subject of many jokes.

But what is not used for processing, the term has become a lifestyle that the simpler things, healthy values and the true enjoyment of life, family and friends, espouses. What began as a term to describe the farmers, construction workers, oil drillers, and such which would cause their head throughout the day to get sunburned backs, (the red neck), the Sun has gone through a transformation. True, the jokes still abound, but Laughter is the decent hard working culture Seriously, which, like the rest of us, just try to separate out and find a living chance through the journey of life.

Fred Morris has more than r&d RedneckandSingle.com, one of the rednecks who are looking for Romance, adventure and friendship to the owner of the online community. The following http://www.redneckandsingle.com

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