The Wedding

Three couples are trying to get married at the same church. There is a young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple.

The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married. "If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without having sex," says the priest.

One month later the three couples return to the church and talk to the priest. He then asks the elderly couple, "Have you completed the month with sex?"

"Yes we have, it was easy," replies the elderly couple.

"How about you?" He asks the middle-aged couple. "It was hard, but we didn't have sex for the whole month," they respond.

"And how about you two?" He asks the young couple.

"No we couldn't do it," responds the boyfriend. "Tell me why," says the priest.

"Well my girlfriend had a can of corn in her hand and she accidentally dropped it. She bent over to pick it up and that's when it happened."

The priest then tells them, "You're not welcome in my church."

"We're not welcome in the supermarket either," says the boyfriend.

10 Commandments of Marriage

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 16, 2012 | No Comments

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

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Marriage Problems

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.”

The wife said, “Seven weeks.”

Marriage Problems

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.”

The wife said, “Seven weeks.”

Marriage is Bliss…

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 9, 2011 | No Comments

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”

A lady inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Husband Wanted”. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.”

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

Young son: “Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad: “That happens in every country, son.”

Then there was a woman who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.”

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy: “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

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The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3. Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished..

Bonus Commandment story. A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, “It really works!”

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3. Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished..

Bonus Commandment story. A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, “It really works!”

The marriage is Bliss …

Cocktail party at one of the woman said to another, do not you wearing a wedding ring on the wrong finger? " Yes I am. I married the wrong man. "

Lady will be added to the ' ad ' anuncios: "the husband wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: you have mine. "

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

The woman is incomplete until he is married. Then he is ready.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I do not know, my son, I'm still paying."

A young boy: "is it true that in some parts of Africa, of the father, the man does not know his wife until she marries him?" The father: "this is the case, for each country boy."

Then it was a woman, who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and then, it was too late."

Marriage is the imagination over intelligence Triumph.

If you want your spouse to listen, and attention to every word you say, talk about your tough.

Just think, if it is not marriage, men would go through life thinking, they had no problems at all.

First guy: "my wife is an Angel!" Second guy: "you are lucky, I was still alive."

Women will never be equal to men until they are Bald Head with a beer gut and for all to walk and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

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The Promise Of Marriage

The couple had been married for 45 years, and had 11 children and were members of the brood, blessed 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret to online safety tips together all the wife replies, "many years ago, we made a promise to each other: the first compression and leave must be taken of all the kids …."

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BEFORE AFTER MARRIAGE

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 10, 2010 | No Comments

BEFORE MARRIAGE:-……..

He: Yes. At last. It was so Hard to Wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don’t even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you Kiss Me?

He: Every chance I get!

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!

SEVERAL YEARS AFTER MARRIAGE:- ………
Please read from the bottom to the top.

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PRIOR TO THE MARRIAGE AFTER THE

Posted on Day joke | 10. December 2010 | No Comments

BEFORE ……. MARRIAGE:-.

He: Yes. Finally, as the case may be. It was so hard, wait.

He: are you sure you want to me to leave?

He is the author of the book: NO! Even if you don't think about it.

He: you love me?

He: of course! Over and over!

He: whether you have never cheated me?

He is the author of the book: NO! Why are you even ask?

He: you can Kiss Me?

He: each the opportunity to acquire!

He: you hit me?

He: are you crazy! I'm not such a person!

He Can I believe you?:

He: Yes.

He: Darling!

SEVERAL YEARS AFTER THE MARRIAGE:-… … …
Read from the bottom up.

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Why your wife will be in your Russia jokes? Article about the patience of the international marriage

"Russia will not Get my wife to my sense of humor, a sense of" a good friend mentioned to us one day. "I tried to make her laugh, but in most cases, when the situation will be reviewed in the light of the joke, he only me or try to force a smile. His knowledge of the English language is fine, so I know that he understands what I am saying, he just does not get it. "

The Russian-American and a lot of different cultured couples have or had similar problems. We are not an exception. The marriage of the first year was the hardest, especially me, because I was missing my family and friends, transport equipment, and was very irritable. Was in the days when all of the United States showed me wrong: clothes, food, roads, school system, connections, and with wit.

Live in Russia, I would enjoy these times if people would laugh at, and I always thought I had a sense of humor. Apparently, the new partner's you believe in, because every time one of the "fun" (I think) he either does not understand that it was a joke or a fake laugh, if the force he knew, I would like to say I've been joking. Then we go to visit his friend and he spend time laughing and making jokes, in which all but for me to understand.

It was really driving me insane. I never forget the long visits his friends. It was difficult to me to share my feelings, my partner because I really did not want him to think that I was appreciative enough or that I like is his friend. When I had the time to encrypt and the strong feelings against his friends, because they can make to my husband and I could laugh and always when I felt like we met you, my spouse, I am in the world at all. I kept coming up with excuses, so do not need to travel, when it was time to see them again.

It is understandable, I love the most shocked person does not understand the film, which are very good for your heart, jokes that make laugh, or books that bring tears in your eyes. The marriage we want to partner with only the same values, but similar to those set forth in the rules of procedure and dislikes, and when someone who is completely different to marry some of the roots for an unknown reason, it does not always work this way. Express News has a step-this is the password, and sooner or later, and the Russian partner will receive the Tune with each other.

My partner started to understand me much better, when he read the history of Russia and Russian as well as some of the history of some of the books, guides, Russian-American connections (such as Lynn Visson, the Wedded Strangers). I started him on a better life in the United States, watching the people, places, and taking with them the time to ask many questions of understanding.

The longer you live together, you will add the memories, and trust me, you will be able to laugh at the same jokes, eventually. Patience, mercy and the trick is to make time and regardless of how hopeless it may seem sometimes, you have the opportunity to develop a very strong bond your wife.

You may see, that you will never understand the Russian Comedy Show and can never become a popular Russian Singers but they like your wife can better understand the issues, he and his culture more learning.

I have to admit some of my partner, friends, humor does not understand and I still sit with a straight face during some American comedies. But you know what? It does not bother me or my spouse any longer. We know each other well enough, not to crack jokes, which we know the other program to understand and we do not roll back the eyes to each other, if we cannot, on the other hand, some of the historical event. If you have some things that you can enjoy together, it is OK to various movies, listen to different music and different jokes, laugh.

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Marriage Promise

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids….”

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More – Kids On Love And Marriage

Joke of the Day Posted on | May 9, 2011 | No Comments

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??

“Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.”
(Judy, age

“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife!”
(Tom, age 5)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??

“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.”
(Jim, age 10)

“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.”
(Kelly, age 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??

“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!”
(Lynette, age 9)

“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.”
(Kenny, age 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE:

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.”
(Jan, age 9)

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.”
(Harlen, age

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.”
(Roger, age 9)

“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.”
(Leo, age 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS ON LOVE:

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.”
(Jeanne, age

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.”
(Gary, age 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.”
(Dave, age

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Politics and Jokes - The Marriage of True Minds

No matter how funny, cruel or lame they may be, no one can joke about the effects of political jokes on the popularity of US presidential candidates. With political humor and spoofs sprawled all over late night shows and the joke-opedia on the net, Barrack Obama, McCain, and their respective running-mates are saving some considerable campaign finances. Just like the old cliché, "bad publicity is still publicity".

Famous for Being Joked About

McCain's republican running-mate, Sarah Palin, has become a household name all over the world after the much-hyped about SNL spoof. Then there's the Leno joke (actually, everyone has joked about this) of her being clueless on the first thing about foreign policies quoting "Up til now, most of her knowledge about foreign countries came from watching the 'Amazing Race.' ... She met with the presidents of Afghanistan, Colombia and Iraq. She was excited because these are all countries you can't see from Alaska."

Ironically, she has gained more popularity all throughout America out of these jokes than out of being the governor of Alaska.

Barrack Obama is never new to Popville. He has been popular since his senatorial years and now, being the very first black presidential candidate. To say that he has been the hot topic of all these late night shows and even the male muse of political joke sites on the web is even an understatement. His fame has been all the rage this political joke season. "Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he's very popular internationally. It's quite interesting. This is a true story. It was in the paper. Barack Obama is so popular in the African town where his father was born, they've named a beer after him," mused Conan O'Brien.

McCain, often targeted for his age, has benefited considerably because of the jokes thrown at and about him like arguments in a presidential debate. "No, no, he said he'd like to postpone the presidential debate until he's, you know, ahead in the polls," said Leno in his show.

The "Have-Beens" Being "In" Because of Jokes

Although already a former president, political jokes have never left Clinton ever since the Lewinsky scandal he has involved himself in. Now that his wife is also a strong name in the political rat-race, both of them have the butt of all late night jokes. Their relationship and political ventures have been intertwined in the jokes buzzing the internet. Conan O'Brien even joked, "This weekend, Bill Clinton said Hillary should not drop out of the presidential race. Yeah, when asked why, Bill said, 'because then she'd come home'."

Who Says Election Should Be so Serious?

November 4 is Election Day. That day begins the end. Anything can happened between then and now---economies failing, running-mates getting themselves into more trouble, and the Congress being clueless as to what to do with the Wall Street issue. On the other hand, if you want to stay positive about these topsy-turvy election adventures and laugh in the process, don't fret. More political jokes are being baked in the oven.

A Computer Engineering student and loves to travel. Reading current news in the internet is one of his past times. Taking pictures of the things around him fully satisfies him. He loves to play badminton and his favorite pets are cats.

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