Showing posts with label STORY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label STORY. Show all posts

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Book With No Story

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 27, 2011 | No Comments

A blond puts a book on the librarian’s desk and says,

“This book has no story and way too many characters.”

The librarian says, “So that’s where the phone book went.”


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Wednesday, 17 August 2011

The entire story

Then the couple, who had married and was happy about the whole thing.


He was happy about the hole, he was satisfied with the document.


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Monday, 20 June 2011

With the address book is the story of the

Posted a day in the life of a joke | 27. February 2011 | There are no comments

Blond set the reception of the book and says, librarian

"This book is not in the story and too many characters."

Librarian says, "so that it went in the phone book."


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Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Her Story / His Story


A couple have been in a relationship for about four months now. One Friday night they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go on to get some food at a local restaurant near their respective houses. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.


Her story:


Well Ed was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it, but the conversation was quite slow going. I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he’s still a bit funny and I’m trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it’s me or something so I ask him and he says no but you know I’m not really sure, so anyway, in the cab back to his house I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me and I don’t know what the hell that means because, you know, he doesn’t say it back or anything so when we get back to his place I’m wondering if he’s going off me and so I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV and so I say I’m going to go to sleep and then after about 10 minutes he joins me and we have sex, but he seemed really distracted and so afterwards I just want to leave and, I dunno, I just don’t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he’s met someone else ???


His story:


Shit day at work. Great fuck later.


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Wednesday, 22 December 2010

THE STORY OF THE DAM

Posted on day joke | 3 October 2010 | No Comments

The actual letter sent to the man, DeVries, Ryan Michigan Department of environmental quality, the State of Michigan.

Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget Pierson
MI 49339

SUBJECT: DEQ file No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County, Ohio

Sir DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of the environment to the quality of the property on the parcel has been referenced above recent unauthorized operation. you have been certified legal maanomistaja and/or contractor who has been following unauthorized activities:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams throughout the outlet on the spring Pond.The authorisation shall be granted before the beginning of such activities. The Department review of files indicates that there is no authorization has been granted. therefore, the Department has determined that this action is part of the 301, Inland lakes and Natural resources and the environmental protection Act 451 Public in accordance with the laws of Michigan compiled laws currently being in 1994, rekisteröimättömälle parts 324.30101 324.30113 streams in breach of the rules.

The Department has notified the other or both of the dams in part had failed during the recent rain event cause debris and flooding downstream places. we find that these dams are inherently dangerous and cannot be tolerated. The Department orders, and ruodussa all actions in this place and to restore the power free flow condition, delete all of the wood, and constitute the stream channel dams brush. All restoration work shall be completed no later than 31 January 2002.

Tell me this post when the restore is done so that the monitoring site inspection may be scheduled hotel staff to comply with this request or. continue the operation of the site may result in unauthorized in this case, was extended for the preparation of draft implementing measures.

We anticipate and appreciate your cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me here at the Office, if you have any questions.

Sincerely, David l. price
As the representative of the land and water Division
Scope of management
This is the actual response is sent back to-
Dear Mr. price,
Re: DEQ file No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County, Ohio

Dated 12/17/97 certified letter has been released for me to reply to.

First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries has no legal maanomistaja and/or 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan, a Contracting Party.I am a legal owner and a couple of beavers are constructing and maintaining two wood "residuals" dams in my spring Pond outlet stream (State unauthorized) process.

When I do not have to be paid, nor allow to control the dam project, I believe that they would be very offended, skillful use of natural building materials you can call the "debris."

I would like to try to emulate their dam Department project always challenge and/or double-clicked. I think I can safely be mentioned there is no way, can never match their skills, their dam dam resourcefulness, ingenuity, dam dam persistence, firm and dam dam job worrying.

Your request I do not think beavers are aware that they must first fill dam, prior to the beginning of such an activity in the dam.

It is your own dam to you: (1) are my spring Pond Beavers to discriminate against or (2) whether you will need all beavers, throughout the State to comply with the request of the said dam?

If you are not without these, in particular through the freedom of Information Act beavers requests all of these other authorisations, applicable to the beaver Dam which have undergone copies. May we see if the dam is in breach of section 301, Inland lakes and streams, Natural resources and environmental protection act, is actually a rekisteröimättömälle Act 451 Public in accordance with the laws of Michigan compiled laws currently being in 1994, 324.30101 324.30113 points.

I have several issues. my first – are not beavers have the right to legal representative? Spring Pond Beavers are economically varattomat and able to pay of the representation – so the State shall be supplied by the dam, acting as agent, assisted by the Department to have failed in its obligation to the other or both of the dam of tailings dams cause floods during the recent rain event is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which is to protect the title.

In other words, we should leave the spring Pond Beavers alone, on the other hand, they interfere with and calling the names of the dam.

If you want to ' return to ' free flow condition dam power Contact beavers – but if you plan to retain them, they apparently did not pay any attention to my letter from the dam can not read English.

Spring Pond Beavers have the right to prevent unauthorized dams built, as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream lowly I think. they have more rights than the dam to live and enjoy the spring Pond. Department of the environment and natural resources if you live in the name, it should (beavers) natural resources and protection of the environment (beavers ' dams.).

So dam beavers and case may refer the matter to the more extended right now for the preparation of draft implementing measures for. why until 1/31/2002? Spring Pond dam Beavers can then be ice, and not in any way you or dam HR contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to import the actual quality of the environment (health) in the field of attention, the problem is to include It.! bears our forests actually defecating. I think you should persecute defecating lens, and leave the beavers solo definitely. If you are going to examine the beaver Dam, watch your step!(To do be careful if the image!)

Currently can comply with the request to the dam and is unable to reach you in case we have any dam answering machine, I am dam send this reply to the Office.


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Tuesday, 21 December 2010

A DAM STORY

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 3, 2010 | No Comments

An actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget Pierson,
MI 49339

SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31 2002.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely, David L. Price
District Representative Land and Water
Management Division
This is the actual response sent back -
Dear Mr. Price,
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to.

First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood “debris” dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature’s building materials “debris.”

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is – aren’t the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation – so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.

In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream “restored” to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers – but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (beavers) and the environment (beavers’ dams.).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.


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