The secret to success?

The two old friends meet one day, after many years. One of the College and was now took part in the very successful. The second had not participated in the College and never had much more ambitious.

Success one said, "How is everything with you visited it?"

"Well, one day, opened a Bible at random and my finger is dropped on the word and it was the oil. So I'm invested in oil and butter on the day of Valentine's son, had been in the oil, kai sources admit. Then the other day with my finger on it is dropped onto another word and it was gold. So I placed the gold mines and those actually produced. Now I am as rich as Bill Gates. "

It was a successful friend impressed, that he was rushed to the hotel, his Gideon Bible, translated it opens and his fingerprints, dropped on the page. He opened his eyes and his finger rested the words, "chapter eleven".

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THE WOMAN WAS A SUCCESS

Once upon a time the couple celebrated their games, the 25th anniversary of the marriage.

They had become famous in the city to take one of their 25 years of conflict.

Local newspaper editors were collected to determine their well known "good going to a marriage" in the context of the secret.
Editor: "Sir. Is amazingly amazing. How do you make this possible? ”

Husband, recalling the old days, said: the honeymoon-

"We had after the marriage, honeymoon, Shimla.

Finally, the selected horse riding when we both began to ride different horses.

My horse was countryn but where my wife was Riding a horse seemed crazy one.

Forward on the road to the horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple.

Restore curricula from the ground, he patted the horse back and said, "this is the first time".

He once again risen from the dead horse, and continued to ride. A few moments it again.

This time, he again kept quiet, and said, "this is the second time," and remain in full force and effect.

When the horse fell to her for the third time, he took the insurance from the budgetary powers and quietly shot revolver, the horse dead!

My wife has cried out: "What did you do to Psycho. The poor animal dies. Are you crazy? "...

He gave a quiet look and said: "this is the first time!". "

Husband: "we are delighted to have it ever since."

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The Idiot’s Guide to Internet Success!

Joke of the Day Posted on | July 3, 2011 | No Comments

Let’s begin (Please take note of the sarcasm in these):

Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?

A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.

Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?

A: No. This is the Internet.

Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?

A: Yes. This is the Internet.

Q: How do I proceed?

A: As you’re surfing around the net you’ll see banners and links that say things like “Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!” Simply click the link to get started.

Q: It won’t really take ninety days though, will it?

A: Of course not. They just say that so you’ll be pleasantly surprised and so it doesn’t sound like hype.

Q: Okay, I’ve found one that says “Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!” Is that good?

A: Perfect.

Q: What does MLM mean?

A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the little-brains.

Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it’s the easiest thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it’s MLM, by the time my third level is operating I’ll be making $345,915.45 per week.

A: Conservatively.

Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?

A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ… uh, clients. You can switch your mother’s long distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of her support group.

Q: That sounds a little fishy.

A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on long distance. It’s for their own good.

Q: How else can I get new business?

A: Spam. Spam. Spam.

Q: I thought spam was bad.

A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it’s bad is just jealous because their brains are too small.

Q: But won’t I lose my web host and ISP?

A: In the get-rich-quick business, it’s important to cultivate a zen-like non-attachment to service providers.

Q: What else can I do to promote my new business?

A: Here’s a list of suggestions:

–Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors and flashy banners.

–Join every free banner exchange.

–Get your own free-for-all links page.

–Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the title.

–Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important search engines. –Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified sites.

–Hire a bulk emailer.

–Sponsor a golf tournament.

Q: Okay, I’ve done all that and I’m still not rich. I haven’t even driven my hit counter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?

A: It’s possible that you’re not very bright. Consult one of your friends who has retired on their Internet earnings.

Q: What if I don’t have any friends who have retired on their Internet earnings?

A: Then contact someone on the Internet who has retired on their Internet earnings.

Q: What if I’ve never heard of anyone retiring from their Internet earnings?

A: Well, then maybe you can be the first.

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Secret to Success?

Two old friends met one day after many years. One attended college, and now was very successful. The other had not attended college and never had much ambition.

The successful one said, “How has everything been going with you?”

“Well, one day I opened the Bible at random, and dropped my finger on a word and it was oil. So, I invested in oil, and boy, did the oil wells gush. Then another day I dropped my finger on another word and it was gold. So, I invested in gold and those mines really produced. Now, I’m as rich as Bill Gates.”

The successful friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page. He opened his eyes and his finger rested on the words, “Chapter Eleven.”

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THE SUCCESS OF WOMAN

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.

Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known “happy going marriage”.
Editor: “Sir. It’s amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? ”

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:

“We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.

Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and said “This is your first time”.

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.

This time she again kept calm and said “This is your second time” and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: “What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?” ..

She gave a silent look and said: “This is your first time!!!”.”

Husband:”That’s it. We are happy ever after. “

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Funniest Christmas Games & Jokes - Making a Success Out of Your Christmas Entertainment

Christmas Games - Are you worried that Christmas day is not going to be as "special" as you would like it to be. Is it the Christmas dinner you are worrying over, if so, stop there. There is no difference between cooking Christmas dinner than that of cooking a meal on any other day of the week. "Special is about making changes." Okay so you have to cook an extra vegetable and ornate the table, so what's the big deal. Lie a sprig of holly with red berries alongside the Christmas pudding and a Christmas cracker at the head of the dinner plate, and that's it. Pressure comes from worry of which most of us do unnecessarily, but don't know we are doing it. What you need to do is sit back relax and think of the simple options' that can make Christmas day preparations easy

If it is not dinner that concerns you, but that of how to entertain your guests, then once again why is this also seen as a problem. Do your friends and family like to laugh? If not they are just some of the min-ute few that could have done without your invite? Nevertheless we have more jolly folk than not, so let those who purposely dwell on misery, dwell.

If you have a miserable person in your presence and their reason for this mood not be from losing a loved one but because they did not like the pudding, then you must not drain your energy trying to please. What makes people laugh; yes you got it in one, something funny. What is funny, well it is something that people find amusing, and when amused they laugh, and this is what we tend on doing. Play funny Christmas games that amuse.

Below is a list of the most traditional and vastly popular Christmas games for adults and kids. No game is boring if it provides fun for all and brings laughter into the environment

The Partner Game: You will need sheets of blue and pink paper cut into ziz-zag halves. Hand each man a half sheet of blue paper and every woman a half sheet of pink paper. During the party, each person will go off to find the other matching half of paper.

Santa's Outfit: This game includes six players or more. Have white/red paper in stock to use, white cotton and masking tape. Have the player`s team up - even the number out. Each team chooses one of its members to be Santa. The teams will then work with the props provided and will commence dressing their Santa. Allot a time for this game (10 minutes.) Best dressed Santa wins.

Santa Scramble: Your guests need to team up into two equal teams. Create two starting lines with masking tape, and place two wrapped packages about 15 yards away if space permitting.. Line the teams up with the Santa Claus Suit at the starting line. To start, the first player on each team quickly dresses up, runs the course, and then returns the wardrobe to the next player and so on. The first team to complete the course wins. Props needed for play. Santa hat, oversized T-shirt, padding for the belly, boots, and a sack full of small gift favors which can be given to all players at the end for joining in the fun.

Christmas Charades: Include a Christmas theme to play; however you can use another if you feel ideal to get laughs. In this game, a player attempts to act out a word while others keep guessing the meaning of the word. The person who guesses the correct answer is the winner. Several rounds are played to increase the game play. Words such as Santa Claus, reindeer, snowman are most appropriate but nevertheless easy to guess. Have the words taken from outside so they include other Christmas pieces like snow, pine cones, mistletoe and sledge.

Crack a Joke this Christmas. In a hat have jokes written on small slips of paper. One of these gags will have already been selected by you to be the winning joke. Each person will be asked to pick out of the hat. Your guests will have been told that one of the jokes in the hat is a winning one. One by one they have to read out their joke. Laughter will ring out, while suspense of each participant increases in hope they having the winning joke. Below some jokes for your crack a joke this Christmas game.

What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet. What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents? Silent Night

Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can hoe hoe hoe.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!

More Christmas games, jokes and gags can be found online. Most websites you visit may have special offers on, however being the season of goodwill, more times than not, joke material and down loadable games are free.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What kind of bird can write? A pen-guin.

What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws!

What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle? Neither, candles always burn shorter!

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? He had low elf esteem.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

Remember that your guests are already fired up and jollied, and ready to go, so therefore no real effort to be made, meaning, going that extra mile for a laugh. If folk cannot smile without having been told a joke this Christmas time, then they may have a genuine reason as to why not. If you are one of these people then don't suffer in silence. Christmas is all about "giving and caring," and "living and sharing." It's all part of the Christmas package.

Funtime Jokes & Gags