Santa

Dear Santa.

This Christmas, please send some clothes for all those poor ladies on Daddy's computer.

Chloe

Christmas

An early warning as Christmas approaches ⚠️

The Police are out in numbers doing breath tests. Last night I’d had a few jars, a few jars led to a couple of Whiskeys! You know how it is 🤣

I did the wise thing left the car & got a bus home. Through the window, I could see the Police were stopping every other car but they waved the Bus through. 😄

I arrived home safely to my amazement. I’d never driven a Bus before.

God knows where I got it from 🤪

Something for Christmas

Posted on Day joke | 27. November 2010 | No Comments

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves to enter the Kingdom of heaven is expected to be at the pearly Gates. [1] [2] they are told that they must be something in the "Christmassy".In order to have.

The first man finds his pocket and find some pine needles in the family Christmas tree.He let it.

Second man presents at the bow, and some Ribbon, starting from the present, which was opened earlier that night., he also so permits.

The third man pulls off a pair of panties.

Confused with this last movement is, St. Peter asks, "How can these represent Christmas?"

To which he replies, "Oh, they're Carol n."

View the original article here

Christmas Gifts for Men

Christmas is just around the corner so here are some gift ideas for those special men in your life!

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I’m told they do not stink – they are earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You getthe idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always haveparts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear’s Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”)

Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”

Rule #12:
Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know why – please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14:
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8? manilla rope. No one knows why.

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Something Christmas

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 27, 2010 | No Comments

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they are told that they must present something “Christmassy.” in order to get in.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas tree. He is let it.

The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”

To which he replies, “Oh, They’re Carol’s.”

View the original article here

This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

Funniest Christmas Games & Jokes - Making a Success Out of Your Christmas Entertainment

Christmas Games - Are you worried that Christmas day is not going to be as "special" as you would like it to be. Is it the Christmas dinner you are worrying over, if so, stop there. There is no difference between cooking Christmas dinner than that of cooking a meal on any other day of the week. "Special is about making changes." Okay so you have to cook an extra vegetable and ornate the table, so what's the big deal. Lie a sprig of holly with red berries alongside the Christmas pudding and a Christmas cracker at the head of the dinner plate, and that's it. Pressure comes from worry of which most of us do unnecessarily, but don't know we are doing it. What you need to do is sit back relax and think of the simple options' that can make Christmas day preparations easy

If it is not dinner that concerns you, but that of how to entertain your guests, then once again why is this also seen as a problem. Do your friends and family like to laugh? If not they are just some of the min-ute few that could have done without your invite? Nevertheless we have more jolly folk than not, so let those who purposely dwell on misery, dwell.

If you have a miserable person in your presence and their reason for this mood not be from losing a loved one but because they did not like the pudding, then you must not drain your energy trying to please. What makes people laugh; yes you got it in one, something funny. What is funny, well it is something that people find amusing, and when amused they laugh, and this is what we tend on doing. Play funny Christmas games that amuse.

Below is a list of the most traditional and vastly popular Christmas games for adults and kids. No game is boring if it provides fun for all and brings laughter into the environment

The Partner Game: You will need sheets of blue and pink paper cut into ziz-zag halves. Hand each man a half sheet of blue paper and every woman a half sheet of pink paper. During the party, each person will go off to find the other matching half of paper.

Santa's Outfit: This game includes six players or more. Have white/red paper in stock to use, white cotton and masking tape. Have the player`s team up - even the number out. Each team chooses one of its members to be Santa. The teams will then work with the props provided and will commence dressing their Santa. Allot a time for this game (10 minutes.) Best dressed Santa wins.

Santa Scramble: Your guests need to team up into two equal teams. Create two starting lines with masking tape, and place two wrapped packages about 15 yards away if space permitting.. Line the teams up with the Santa Claus Suit at the starting line. To start, the first player on each team quickly dresses up, runs the course, and then returns the wardrobe to the next player and so on. The first team to complete the course wins. Props needed for play. Santa hat, oversized T-shirt, padding for the belly, boots, and a sack full of small gift favors which can be given to all players at the end for joining in the fun.

Christmas Charades: Include a Christmas theme to play; however you can use another if you feel ideal to get laughs. In this game, a player attempts to act out a word while others keep guessing the meaning of the word. The person who guesses the correct answer is the winner. Several rounds are played to increase the game play. Words such as Santa Claus, reindeer, snowman are most appropriate but nevertheless easy to guess. Have the words taken from outside so they include other Christmas pieces like snow, pine cones, mistletoe and sledge.

Crack a Joke this Christmas. In a hat have jokes written on small slips of paper. One of these gags will have already been selected by you to be the winning joke. Each person will be asked to pick out of the hat. Your guests will have been told that one of the jokes in the hat is a winning one. One by one they have to read out their joke. Laughter will ring out, while suspense of each participant increases in hope they having the winning joke. Below some jokes for your crack a joke this Christmas game.

What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet. What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents? Silent Night

Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can hoe hoe hoe.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!

More Christmas games, jokes and gags can be found online. Most websites you visit may have special offers on, however being the season of goodwill, more times than not, joke material and down loadable games are free.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What kind of bird can write? A pen-guin.

What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws!

What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle? Neither, candles always burn shorter!

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? He had low elf esteem.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

Remember that your guests are already fired up and jollied, and ready to go, so therefore no real effort to be made, meaning, going that extra mile for a laugh. If folk cannot smile without having been told a joke this Christmas time, then they may have a genuine reason as to why not. If you are one of these people then don't suffer in silence. Christmas is all about "giving and caring," and "living and sharing." It's all part of the Christmas package.

Funtime Jokes & Gags

Suicidal Snowman Gift Wrap Joke Gag Funny Christmas Wrapping Paper

2 Sheets 20" x 30" Total 8.3 Square Feet
Gift Wrap Says "Wishing You Warm Thoughts This Holiday Season..."
Pictures feature 5 Different Suicidal Snowmen as Follows: 1. Holding Hair Dryer 2. Hanging 3. Book of Matches 4. Tanning Bed 5. Head in Oven

Price:

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Christmas Joke About Cyber Terrorism Hackers

Cyber attacks and cyber terrorism have disrupted many US government computer systems. These hackers, many of them "patriotic hackers" from China have also hit many of the United States' largest corporations. At the North Pole, a US territory, they also hit Santa Claus Corporation. But this time they stole the Christmas "wish lists" of 1.1 billion children.

Santa Claus Corporation has been busy notifying all the children that their private information has been jeopardized by hackers. The Federal Trade Commission is suing the company for allowing identity thieves to steal this data. There may also be violations of HIPPA because occasionally handicapped or physically challenged children tell Santa Claus of their ailments in letters when they send in their Christmas wish lists.

Because of all the negative publicity this has caused Santa Claus Corporation a huge problem. It may even cut down in the number of orders this year, which are already down by 20% due to the global economic financial meltdown and crisis. If things get much worse, it could very much hurt the corporation's stock, which is already down 40% from October of 2008.

Mr. Claus stated; "I'm not sure what the hackers want with all these Christmas wish-lists, but if they'd like to provide the toys for all the children, whose personal information they stole, then be my guest. Just make sure you get all those toys delivered by December 25th. And don't forget the Hanukkah list either, those are due even sooner, as our Corporation now has the contract for Hanukkah as well."

Parents, Santa, and federal authorities are fit to be tied over this hacking incident.

Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank. Lance Winslow believes in secured networks.