PRIOR TO THE MARRIAGE AFTER THE

Posted on Day joke | 10. December 2010 | No Comments

BEFORE ……. MARRIAGE:-.

He: Yes. Finally, as the case may be. It was so hard, wait.

He: are you sure you want to me to leave?

He is the author of the book: NO! Even if you don't think about it.

He: you love me?

He: of course! Over and over!

He: whether you have never cheated me?

He is the author of the book: NO! Why are you even ask?

He: you can Kiss Me?

He: each the opportunity to acquire!

He: you hit me?

He: are you crazy! I'm not such a person!

He Can I believe you?:

He: Yes.

He: Darling!

SEVERAL YEARS AFTER THE MARRIAGE:-… … …
Read from the bottom up.

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Psychic Hotline

The frog and the puhelimiaan Hotline psychic has said, "a beautiful young girl, goes to meet who wish to know everything about you."

The frog says, "this is great! (I) meets his party or what? "

"No", says the Psychic. "The Next semester, his class of biology."

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A Boner

The two most embarrassing moments of my life happened when I was 12. One day I was standing by the lockers in basketball shorts and I happened to get a boner. I just kept talking hoping she wouldn`t notice. Unfortunately it lifted upwards and pulled my shorts up with it. She feels it brush against her thigh and looks down to see my left pant leg hiked up to my waist with my penis sticking out from underneath. She yells, “ whoa your dick`s poppin` out and it`s huge!“ That would have been almost nice if it hadn`t drawn the attention of everyone standing around. It was mortifying to say the least.

Then about one month later I was sitting in math and I fell asleep. According to my classmates the teacher called my name and told me to wake up. I responded, “No…don`t stop. That feels good… No, suck it, harder… harder. Ohhh, that feels good…“ I then woke up to peels of laughter from 50 people and to make matters worse I had a “nocturnal emission“ and the girl next to me yelled, “ewww… he cummed on the floor.“ I was so embarrassed that I barfed all over the guy in front of me. Needless to say I went home early and didn`t come back for a week when the principal promised to suspend anyone who mentioned the incident.

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A Cat’s Guide To Human Beings

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?

So you’ve decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you’ve joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence.

What’s so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:

THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.

Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.

2. How And When to Get Your Human’s Attention

Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families or even sleeping.

Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice.

Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want:

Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it’s something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children.

Waking your human at odd hours: A cat’s “golden time” is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human’s sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.

3. Punishing Your Human Being

Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:

· Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.

· Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.

· Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack.

· After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.

· While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?

The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they’ve been presented.

After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following: cold blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor’s Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human’s face, you’ll know it’s worth it.

5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human?

You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They’re humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far.

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A Big Shot Attorney

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 3, 2010 | No Comments

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.”

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. “No, I’m sorry,” the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I can’t use an oral thermometer.” This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!” She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man’s doctor came into the room. “What’s going on here?” asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answered, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?” After a pause, the doctor confessed…

“Not with a Lotus stem.”

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"Don't Cry" Over the Hill Birthday Kit

"Don't Cry" Over the Hill Birthday Kit!
Includes: Black gloss gift box (measures 6x6x6),
Fabric Over The Hill hat,
Over The Hill fortune cookies,
Over The hill coffee mug,
Over the Hill Coupon Book,
Way Way Over The Hill chocolate mints,
Over The Hill birthday candle,
Chocolate chip cookies,
2 oz Caramel corn,
Pretzel sticks

Price:

Click here to buy from Amazon

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Murphy’s Real Laws

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

6.I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

8. Seen it all, done it all. Can’t remember most of it.

9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

10. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

11. He’s not dead. He’s electroencephalographically challenged.

12. She’s always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the “Juneflower.”

13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

16. Pardon my driving, I’m reloading.

17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.

20. Just remember if it wasn’t for gravity, we’d all fall off.

21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

23. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.

25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking.

28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

32. Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

33.I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Accident of Evolution

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 31, 2010 | No Comments

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the “accident of evolution” had created. “What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself.

As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run faster still. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear… right on top of him… reaching for him with the left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the atheist cried out “Oh my God, please help me…”

Suddenly, time stopped. The bear froze in motion. The forest was ever so silent. Even the river ceased to move. A brilliant ray of light emerged from the sky and shone upon the man. A powerful voice spoke to him,

“You have denied my existence for all of these years; you teach others that I do not exist and you credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you now as a believer?”

The atheist blinked directly into the light “It would be hypocritical of me to convert to a Christian after all these years, but could you instead make the bear a Christian?”

“Very well,” said the voice from above. The bright light disappeared. All of a sudden, life resumed around the man. The river ran again. The forest became alive once more with the gentle sounds of nature.

The bear stirred. Slowly, he lowered his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and graciously spoke:

“Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful.”

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The Union's plumbers

Posted on Day joke | 9. December 2010 | No Comments

Plumber called woman's apartment in New York for the purpose of the repair of leaking pipe. When he arrived, he was pleased that the woman was rather täyteläistä, well-stacked babe and during the afternoon, the two became very friendly.

5.14.30 P.m. about the phone rings, is disturbed bedroom shenanigans. "It was my husband," he said, "he is the way home, but he is going back to the Office around 8. Come back then, good, and we cannot take that We left off. "

Union more disbelief woman plumber. "What? Your own in time? "

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THE WOMAN IS READY TO DRIVE UP ATM TRANSACTION IN LESS THAN THREE MINUTES

An extraordinary event was seen in the Memphis branch Union planters Bank is today. Heather Williams pulled a drive thru ATM Germantown, set his card, the money and then withdrew his card and pulled out of the interval (in seconds) at which needs two minutes and 48. Ms. Williams sets new world record for the "Drive-Thru ATM women."

The officials were giddy ATM this remarkable woman site. "Oh man, I knew I had something special right when he pulled up!" Bank Director Brian Sontag gushed. "He nailed the correct positioning of his car in front of an ATM! He did not go too far forward and then put his car in reverse, then back to make it easier for you to back up a bit, my strength entirely failed me, because he was too far away from the computer. Incredible! "

As the record for the latest ATM withdrawal, Sontag marveled, how Williams defied style dictates. "I was breathless when he was placed in the right car and had the opportunity to pass this story along with my grand-children. But I am almost to the time when he had finished his ATM card * * more! There was no digging through her purse seining! No fumbling with a little white envelope that uses women to save the card. He was ready — and get — he didn't check his address book to his pin! "

Sontag shook his head, surprised. "Williams also read all the ATM is located at the bottom of the screen. He does not get his cell phone and ask for help from his best friend the best denominations to cancel! "

Sontag will continue. "When the ATM processing the request," to win, of course, is sitting in front of Sontag disbelief, "Ms. Williams started touching her makeup up! Do not adjust the rear-view mirror, had not fumbling through her purse seining for some lipstick. This was a huge influence on his record breaking run, because he didn't make all of that crap away, where the money came out! "

When the money will come out of the ATM, Sontag reports, Williams was complete. "As I said, he was putting on her makeup. He was studying the machine and when that money came out, he removes it. Let it know he wanted other events button — and because he never had his car out of "aja", he does not place the car * reverse * and more than behind his guy up! "

Union planters had throughout the event and will turn into a film ATM training video contests of the camera.

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A Flower Show

Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over the other and said,

“Cripes! life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For $5.00, I’d take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!”

“You’re on!” said the other old fellow, holding up five dollars.

As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes and completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town hall.

His friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The streaker burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

“Wow, what happened?” asked his friend.

“It was great!” he said, “I won first prize for dried arrangement!”

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A Elderly Man

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 2, 2011 | No Comments

A elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest,

“Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven healthy grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them… twice.”

The priest said, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”

“Never Father… I’m Jewish.”

“So then, why are you telling me?”

“I’m telling everybody!”

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A Letter to My Dogs

Dear Dogs,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Sincerely,
Your Overwhelmed Owner

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A Farmer’s Horse

A farmer’s horse dies and he heads into town to buy a replacement.

He heads to the local horse dealer to see what’s available. He looks at several fine horses but they are all way beyond what he can afford. He explains his predicament to the dealer who tells him,

“Come around back, I think I may have something for you”

He shows him a horse that while not as impressive as those out front, seems to be healthy and strong. And the price is less than half the others.

“Before I can sell you this horse,” explains the dealer, “There’s something I have to tell you”

“I knew there had to be a catch” said the farmer, “What is it?”

“Well, this horse likes to sit on banana peels.” said the dealer. “If he sees a banana peel anywhere, he’ll sit on it and you won’t be able to budge him for half an hour”

The farmer thinks this over for a while and decides that it’s pretty unlikely he’ll come across too many banana skins, so he agrees to buy the horse.

He saddles it up and heads for home. A few miles down the trail the farmer is feeling pretty good about the whole deal, the horse is sure footed and responds well to the reins. He figures he got a good bargain.

Suddenly, up ahead, he spies something yellow on the ground. As they get closer he realizes that it’s a banana peel. The trail is too narrow to go around the banana peel so he decides to cross to the trail on the other side of the river. He steers the horse into the river and they start to cross.

Halfway across the river the horse suddenly sits down and the farmer is thrown into the water cracking his head on a rock.

Nothing the farmer can do will get the horse on it’s feet again. Soaking wet, bleeding and shivering with cold, the farmer wades to the other bank.

Half an hour later the horse gets back on its feet and walks to shore. The farmer rides it back to the farm without incident.

The next time the farmer is in town, the dealer sees him and asks how he’s making out with his new horse.

“Terrible!” says the farmer. He points to the gash on his head and tells him the story of what happened in the river.

The dealer smacks his hand to his forehead and says…

“Oh! I forgot to tell you! He sits on fish too”

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Weapons of Mass Destruction

Posted on Day joke | 13. November 2010 | No Comments

It was following the Indian Cinco de Mayo. Professional Tony Blair, who was watched on TV over the phone, with the exception of the celebrations got his friend Bush:

"India!" cried Blair.

"What about India?" asked the säikähdys Bush.

"We are on the English made a mistake George," said Blair, "the need to get back to the colony than India!"

"You can have a serious Tony?" asked the increasingly säikähdys Bush.

"Yeah, this is not the India we will not let go of about 60 years ago," said Blair, "this is we would be proud of is now the colonies."

"Whatcha Plannin ' to do so?" asked the Bush.

"We did it, why George Saddam. Attack them."

"You sayin ' Me?You're not, I hope, I am goin ' you can subscribe to are you? "

"I helped you, you can use the Iraqi George forgettin ' or sometin"?"

"Yeah, but we had a good excuse to Tony we had there lookin ' non proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"

"So we will do the same here in George. we will tell you the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction is planning to waive recovery of an Indian!"

"I do not know whether we are doing, India is a democracy, Tony, you know the right thing?"

"I lied on your behalf, Iraq, George.Almost lost the elections, on your behalf. I'm sure you can do this for the benefit of the lil ' for me. ..India back to my colony than our world power back! the world of the British rules! are you heard along George? "

"I thought it was the United States of America, which was contained in a contract concluded by the communities, Tony."

"We will work together with George rulin '. you and me is one of the partners in India, when I get my back to the Future George to talk about., that Manmohan feller, telling him his weapons of mass destruction, to dispose of or otherwise ...!"

"Okay, because you have closed the Tony. you can call me back for five minutes."

"Which is to acquire my ships ready?"

"For what?" asked surprised Bush.

"For the war, dammit," put the phone, and he waited for Bush to speak of the Indian Prime Minister, Tony walked, He cried. little globe, he had his office table and circled the Indian gleefully.

The phone rings and he ran to lift it up.

"It is me, Tony," said George, "how many ships you got ready?"

"Aye Aye sir, of the Royal Navy is ready for action!" said Tony, attention is permanent.

"You can send them to India," said Bush.

"You can fight?" asked Blair happily.

"Does the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction picked."

"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked the confused with the Blair.

Bush "Manmohan said would know, because it is yours to the people who will be carried out," said.

"What the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction?" whispered Blair uncertainly.

"Their politicians, their members the MLAs," said happily, "Bush said, Manmohan, may take them all back to England, where they were trained for years ago that people that share and ...!"

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What Girls think about the morning after

Sung, "I will survive!"

Initially, I was scared, I was Petrified.
By ugly wanker, who was lying in my side-by-side.
You've drunk a little less
I've tried to keep my
If I knew only one seconds
I would be grateful if the crusty Bed

I tried to go out the door, walk.
But I laughed so hard at his or her own small piece, which I've fallen on the floor.
Oman butt is pimply MESS
It has just broken out of shame,
But, rather, look,
than at your face ... fucking ugly!

I want to go, is now on the left.
Chicks and you talk makes me want to football really heave.
Just do not know, is now in my drinking distilled spirits, and beer, preventing
When I looked at you coz last night,
You looked just like that Richard Gere!

I can't believe that we both shagged.
You should be wearing concrete shoes or simply bound — gagged.
I am fucking right now
I am jumping flippin ' train
and I am stopping till I am home and washed your greeblies down to be consumed.

Notify me of updates to go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst of sex in the world and you're ugly e.g. skin prick
It should be, at least in the gorgeous mate shagged he has got lovely flat.
But not to go and you trust the booze, and now I am stuck with you the Twa.

It is time to go, but at the door.
You can find so ugly, it should really be contrary to law.
I'm going to abandon all the booze
I'm going is not a stupid fun
Angel of your Mug beside it coz
Just makes me want a nun!

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Why your wife will be in your Russia jokes? Article about the patience of the international marriage

"Russia will not Get my wife to my sense of humor, a sense of" a good friend mentioned to us one day. "I tried to make her laugh, but in most cases, when the situation will be reviewed in the light of the joke, he only me or try to force a smile. His knowledge of the English language is fine, so I know that he understands what I am saying, he just does not get it. "

The Russian-American and a lot of different cultured couples have or had similar problems. We are not an exception. The marriage of the first year was the hardest, especially me, because I was missing my family and friends, transport equipment, and was very irritable. Was in the days when all of the United States showed me wrong: clothes, food, roads, school system, connections, and with wit.

Live in Russia, I would enjoy these times if people would laugh at, and I always thought I had a sense of humor. Apparently, the new partner's you believe in, because every time one of the "fun" (I think) he either does not understand that it was a joke or a fake laugh, if the force he knew, I would like to say I've been joking. Then we go to visit his friend and he spend time laughing and making jokes, in which all but for me to understand.

It was really driving me insane. I never forget the long visits his friends. It was difficult to me to share my feelings, my partner because I really did not want him to think that I was appreciative enough or that I like is his friend. When I had the time to encrypt and the strong feelings against his friends, because they can make to my husband and I could laugh and always when I felt like we met you, my spouse, I am in the world at all. I kept coming up with excuses, so do not need to travel, when it was time to see them again.

It is understandable, I love the most shocked person does not understand the film, which are very good for your heart, jokes that make laugh, or books that bring tears in your eyes. The marriage we want to partner with only the same values, but similar to those set forth in the rules of procedure and dislikes, and when someone who is completely different to marry some of the roots for an unknown reason, it does not always work this way. Express News has a step-this is the password, and sooner or later, and the Russian partner will receive the Tune with each other.

My partner started to understand me much better, when he read the history of Russia and Russian as well as some of the history of some of the books, guides, Russian-American connections (such as Lynn Visson, the Wedded Strangers). I started him on a better life in the United States, watching the people, places, and taking with them the time to ask many questions of understanding.

The longer you live together, you will add the memories, and trust me, you will be able to laugh at the same jokes, eventually. Patience, mercy and the trick is to make time and regardless of how hopeless it may seem sometimes, you have the opportunity to develop a very strong bond your wife.

You may see, that you will never understand the Russian Comedy Show and can never become a popular Russian Singers but they like your wife can better understand the issues, he and his culture more learning.

I have to admit some of my partner, friends, humor does not understand and I still sit with a straight face during some American comedies. But you know what? It does not bother me or my spouse any longer. We know each other well enough, not to crack jokes, which we know the other program to understand and we do not roll back the eyes to each other, if we cannot, on the other hand, some of the historical event. If you have some things that you can enjoy together, it is OK to various movies, listen to different music and different jokes, laugh.

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Calling Collect

My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect.

My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?”

Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They’ve got Mom! And they want money!”

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What is Easter?

Posted on Day joke | 5. January 2011 | No Comments

Sunday school teacher asks her class to young children a very simple question or so he thought. He asked, "what is Easter?"

Many children will start immediately to hand. So the teacher is called a single question.

Sweet child replied, "Oh, that is easy! Is the holiday when everyone gets together in November, eat Turkey and are thankful. "

"Wrong!" replied the teacher and the second child of the same, you are prompted to choose the wrong answer to the question, "what is Easter?"

The second child replied "Easter is a holiday in December, when we are looking for comfortable wood placed on the Exchange and to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ of latter day Saints highlights."

Teacher at the end of the second child examined, shook his head and says to him, he is wrong.

Then the third child is selected to answer the question "what is Easter?"

The third child smiles and looks into the teacher's offering in the eyes and says, "I know Easter is."

"The Christian Easter is a holiday, which corresponds to the Easter feast of the Jews. Jesus and his disciples had been eating the last dinner and Jesus was later connected to the Romans as to mislead the consumer and one of his students. The Romans took him is crucified and he was stabbed on the side, do wear the Crown thorns, and was with nails, ripustustapa boundaries of his hands. He was buried in a cave near, which was then sealed by the large boulder. "

The teacher is smiling broadly with delight.

The child continues, "boulder is moved aside, so that Jesus to reach, and if he sees his shadow, there are six more weeks each year in winter."

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Willy n

Henry and Doris were sitting, old, one seriously, in the home page, in the evening and the morning in his pyjamas, Henry jacket lounge.

Doris whispered, "Henry! Make yourself correctly; your own willy n sticking! "

Henry looked, and said, "Don't flatter yourself, my dear. My willy is DEADLOCKED! "

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When Daddy was in the army

Posted on Day joke | 13. December 2010 | No Comments

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's playground and the passing of a car going into the Woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees the Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny find this so exciting and can barely contain themselves to carry out on-the-Home, and he begins to tell his mother times.

"TAKKULA, TAKKULA, I WAS A PLAYGROUND AND DADDY, SEEING THE"

Takkula tells him to slow down, but he wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells him. "I was a playground and thus the woods with Aunt Jane to Go Daddy's car. I went to look at and Daddy had to give a great Aunt Jane a kiss, then he helped him in his shirt flight, then Aunt Jane helped take the seat of his pants, then, in the manner prescribed by the Aunt Jane then Daddy Daddy … "

At this stage, the Mommy must be cut transversely close to him and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose that you save it to the rest of the Madame once. I would like to see the appearance of your Daddy's face when you tell it tonight. "

Dinner-table Mommy asks Johnny tell the story. He describes the car forests, naked, and the seat, "then the Daddy and Aunt Jane had the same thing with Mommy and Daddy are used when Uncle Jeff was in the army. [1] [2]" the fixing of maximum levels for

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Window cleaner

Posted on Day joke | 22. December 2010 | No Comments

Cleaner window moves to the monastery, looking for work. Abbot hire him, but tells him to clean all Windows except for the beginning of the three.

So cleaner to clean up all the Windows of the window, with the exception of the top three, as the case may be, and finally the year until curiosity Gets the better of her. He set his ladder three first against the window and displays in., he sees no more than 12 monks with their bathrobes and their table at the top of the table top kukkojen running with the mouse.

In the second window Cleaner window moves down moves to the ladder, and searches. There, he sees a beautiful woman and the mad monk, screwing, such as a bed.

Cleaner window goes down the ladder, and place the third against the window. He searches for and finds a monk, bound, deleted currently flogged the waist.

He climbs ladder downwards, but when he gets to the end of the Abbot is waiting for him. Cleaner window says, "Behold, I know that ye are intended to fire me but, at least tell me what happens up there."

"No," says the Abbot "in the first window, you can saw to see who is lucky monk competition. Lucky monk is always, when the mouse stops. And the second window, you saw with the monk prize. "

"But what about the third window?" asks the window cleaner.

"No," says "the monk, Abbot, together with fishing, his foreskin cheese."

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Truly Tasteless Jokes One

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Write jokes Stand Up Comedy (1)

So you think you're funny. You have more fun then people on television. You know that, so now you want to do standup comedy. It is not, go back to laugh. Never get laughed at and all I think you are dumb will. At the level of the stage is a new attempt to be funny. Are still reading this? If we only have to press Stop to stop you, and for a long time, you can decide the length of the road. Comedy is hard.

I had many sleepless nights thinking about sets that do not go to the right and how can I improve them. But when you get right, and stand for the complete stage and 200 lose something you wrote the stranger, or you can be assessed from the perspective of the topic is not better known in the world. How can we do this? How can we write a joke? Its actually simpler/more difficult, then, to think. Everyone is different and has to find its own style, but things do not look for the style. The following is a list, you can write a joke feelings and words.

Hard
Scary
Dumb
Stupid

Easy enough, right? No thanks does not yet exist. You can do something for these words. The above words are emotions. You are familiar with these words, you don't understand them only. I used to always say that I have found something really scary, loud, dumb or stupid if I could make it funny. You can do too, the only organized with yourself. Is really to say, how can you know what you think, and not for other users to find the fun. We have all been a party, and watched some of the Joker attempts to get people to laugh at one he thought was fun. This guy sucks, don't have him. Is itself. Here are a couple of things to focus on yourself.

The fact is that the
Because, if one person talking and not a group
Free Type topics is strong feelings. You hate something? Free to write about it.
Why ask for a day, seven days a week. Why the hate? Why do you feel this way? Why why why? Eventually you get to the fun.

You can write instantly on the way to true, honest jokes with your vision.

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Felix the Cat

My aunt’s neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.

One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he’s been out sowing his wild oats.

Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunt’s friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street. “A black cat?” the woman said. “Oh, yes! My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter.”

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Chocolate Chip Cookies

An old man was laying on his death bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled chocolate chip cookies.

He loved chocolate chip cookies more than anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, and to the stairs. Then down the stairs and into the kitchen.

There his wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. As he reached for one, he got SMACKED across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding.

“Leave them alone!” she said, “They’re for the funeral!”

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Find Jesus?

A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk looks back and says, “Yess, Preacher..I sure am.”

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” the preacher asked.

“Nooo, I haven’t!” said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”

“Noooo, I have not Reverend.”

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?”

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher…

“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

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Marriage Promise

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids….”

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Parenthood

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

And finally:

If you have a lot of tension and get a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle: Take two aspiring and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN!

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The Things That Drive A Sane Person Mad

The Things That Drive A Sane Person Mad

You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.

The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.

The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

There’s always a car riding your tail when you’re slowing down to find an address.

You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

There’s a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you’re trying to get a reading.

A station comes in brilliantly when you’re standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.

There are always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray.

You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.

The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).

You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.

The radio station doesn’t tell you who sang that song.

You rub on hand cream and can’t turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.

Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.

You can’t look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don’t know how to spell it.

You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you’re just browsing.

You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can’t find it.

You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.

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Special Pig

A man is walking along an old country road and stops when he sees a farmer in an apple orchard. He gets a little closer and sees the farmer throwing apples down to a three legged pig.

The man came closer and asked the farmer ”Wow, thats some pig ya got there. Why does he have only three legs?”

The farmer answered ”Well, This pig saved me and my wife from a terrible fire. A lantern in our barn fell over and ignited the hay in the loft. The pig ran out from the barn, got into the house and woke me and my wife just in time.”

The man looked at the farmer and said ”Well, thats a real special pig, but you never told me how he lost his leg.”

The farmer answered ”Well, as I said this is a real special pig and with a pig this special, you can’t eat it all at once!”

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Sermon

A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning that was about half the usual length of his sermons.

He explained, “I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning.”

After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher as he was leaving, and said,

“Sir, if that dog of yours has any pups, I sure would like to get one to give to my minister!”

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A Window Cleaner

A window cleaner goes to a monastery looking for work. The Abbot hires him but tells him to clean all the windows except the top three.

So the window cleaner cleans all the windows except the top three for years and years until curiosity finally gets the better of him. He puts his ladder up against the first of the three windows and looks in. he sees 12 monks with their robes up and their cocks lying on a table with a mouse running around on top of the table.

The window cleaner goes down the ladder moves to the second window and looks in. There he sees a beautiful woman and a monk in bed screwing like mad.

The window cleaner goes down the ladder and puts it up against the third window. He looks in and sees a monk tied up, stripped to the waist being flogged.

He climbs down the ladder, but when he gets to the bottom the Abbot is waiting for him. The window cleaner says, “Look, I know your going to fire me, but please, at least tell me what is going on up there.”

“Well,” says the Abbot, “in the first window you saw a competition to see which is the lucky monk. Wherever the mouse stops is the lucky monk. And in the second window you saw a monk with the prize.”

“But what about the third window?” the window cleaner asks.

“Well,” says the Abbot, “that monk was caught with a piece of cheese in his foreskin.”

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A Rich And Lonely Widow

Joke of the Day Posted on | March 11, 2011 | No Comments

A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal ad that read:

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

1. WON’T BEAT ME UP
2. WON’T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail…all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, “Who are you and what do you want?”

“Hi,” said the man “Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I’ve got no arms, so I can’t beat you up and I’ve got no legs, so I can’t run away.”

The old woman asked, “What makes you think you’re so great in bed?”

To which he replied, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

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A Taxi Driver and a Priest Die…

He waits for a long time and finally goes to St. Peter and asks: “Why could that taxi driver go to the highest level of heaven and I, who all my life spoke about God, have to wait for such a long time?”

St. Peter replies: “When you were speaking to the people at your church, everybody was sleeping. But when that taxi driver was driving, everybody prayed!”

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Chinese Coffin

A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled when the coffin of their dead grandmother arrived from the States. It was sent by one of the daughters.

The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it! When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top; which read as follows:

Dear Cousins,

I am sending Ah-ma body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leaves are consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ah-ma’s body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu,

10 packets of Swiss chocolates and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong.

Please divide these among all of you.

On Ah-ma’s feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size 10) for Ah boy. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei’s and Ah Lien’s sons.

Hope the sizes are correct.

Ah-ma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size is for Ah Bak and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves.

The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ah-ma is wearing are for the boys.

The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ahma’s left wrist.

Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei , Ahma is wearing the Tiffany necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them.

The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ah ma is wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins.

Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong also not felling well nowadays. I can send all required things when our Ah Kong goes back too.

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Chocolate is a Vegetable

Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

Chocolate candy is a health food: It contains vegetables. Doctors tell us vegetables are a good source of fiber. It contains milk. Milk is good for building strong bones and teeth.

Other healthy chocolates include fruit (high fiber): Chocolate-covered raisins. Chocolate cherries. Chocolate-covered orange slices. Chocolate-covered strawberries.

Chocolate and preservatives: Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Chocolate and calories: A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn’t that handy?

PROBLEM: Chocolate melting on your hands. ANSWER: You’re eating it too slowly.

PROBLEM: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. ANSWER: Eat it in the parking lot.

DIET TIP: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.

CHOCOLATE SUCCESS: Put ‘eat chocolate’ at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

CHOCOLATE HELPS OTHER INDUSTRIES: If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can’t let that happen, can you?

REMEMBER: ‘Stressed’ spelled backward is ‘desserts’.

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Charlie Company

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 29, 2010 | No Comments

The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the Sarge announces, “I’ve got good news and bad news. First the good news. Today we’re going to change our underwear.”

The troops started cheering at the news.

“Now the bad news. Smith, you change with Jones. Andrews, you change with Murphy…”

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Christmas Gifts for Men

Christmas is just around the corner so here are some gift ideas for those special men in your life!

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I’m told they do not stink – they are earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You getthe idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always haveparts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear’s Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”)

Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”

Rule #12:
Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know why – please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14:
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8? manilla rope. No one knows why.

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Coincident

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.

Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here’s the kicker,
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe

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Confess

There once was a young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.”

The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.”

The priest thought long and hard and then said, “Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.”

The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?”

The Priest said “No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.”

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Costume Party

A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked except on her feet were a big old floppy pair of boots.

“Where’s your costume?” the husband asked.

“This is it,” replied his wife.

“What the heck kind of costume is that?” asked the husband.

“Why, I am going as Puss in Boots,” explains the wife. “Now hurry and get your costume on.”

The husband went upstairs and was back in about two minutes. He also was completely naked except he had a rose vase slid over his penis.

“What the heck kind of costume is that?” asked the wife.

“I am a fire alarm,” he replied.

“A fire alarm?” she repeated laughing.

“Yes,” he replied. “In case of fire break the glass, pull twice and I come.”

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SMOKEY THE BLOND

One evening, two Alabama State Trooper patrol cars were in hot pursuit of a Chevy Camaro going east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie Trooper pulled over right behind him and asked, “Hey Sarge, why did you stop?”

The Sarge replied, “You stupid rookie! That guy’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”

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New Drivers License

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. The family trooped out to the driveway, and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” said the beaming boy to the ol’ man.

“Nope,” came dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”

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CREEPY

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 20, 2010 | No Comments

This is a true story of a young college girl who passed away last month. Her name is Priya. She was hit by a lorry.

She had a boyfriend named Shankar. Both of them were true lovers. They were always on the phone. U can never see her without her handphone. She spends 3/4 of the day talking with Shankar. Priya’s family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya’s family. Before she passed away, she always told her frens “If I pass away, please burn me with my handphone”. She also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death, people cldnt lift her coffin. I was there. Many of them tried to do so but still cant, everybody including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called their neighbour, a “bomoh” from Thailand (Pak Darin), who is a fren of her father. He took a sit and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said “This girl misses something here”. Then her frens told Darin bout her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the coffin and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked.

Priya’s parents didnt inform Shankar that Priya had passed away (pity Shankar). After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya’s mom.

Shankar: “Atte (aunty), I’m coming home today. Cook something nice for me. Dont tell Priya that I’m coming home today. I wanna suprise her.”

Her mother replied: “U come home first, I wanna tell u something very important.”

After he came to Shah Alam, they told him the truth about Priya. Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool.

He was laughing and said “Dont try to fool me. Tell Priya to come out. I have a gift for her. Pls stop this nonsense”.

Then they show him the original death certificate. They gave him proof to make him believe. Shankar started to sweat.

He said: “It’s not true. We were spoke yesterday. She still calls me.”

Shankar was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar’s phone rang.

“See, this is from Priya! See this…” He showed the phone to Priya’s family.

All of them told him to answer. He talked using the loudspeaker mode. All of them heard his conversation. Loud and clear. No crossed lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her simcard since it was nailed inside the coffin!

They were shocked and asked for Pak Darin’s help again. Pak Darin brought his master (Tok Chen) to solve this matter. He & Darin worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing.

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Crowded Doctor’s Office

A man walks into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approaches the desk, the receptionist asks,

“Sir, may we help you?”

“There’s something wrong with my penis,” he informs her.

The receptionist indignantly responds, “Sir, You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say something like that.”

“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” he says.

“Because” replies the receptionist. “You’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there’s something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”

The man walks out, waits several minutes, and reenters. The receptionist smiles smugly and asks,

“Yes?”

“There’s something wrong with my ear,” he states.

The receptionist nods approvingly.

“And what is wrong with your ear, sir?”

“It burns when I piss out of it” the man replied.

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New Stewardess

The jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom.

“This is Capt Johnson. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto.”

He forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot,

“Well skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?

Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.

“Well,” says the skipper, “first I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a crap. Then I’m gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I’m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room, and fuck her all night.”

Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess.

She’s so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says, “No need to run, dear, he’s gotta take a shit first!”

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