Funny One Line Jokes And Stand-Up Comedy Acts

Jokes are the most widespread form of buffoonery, probably because a joke is self-contained and the easiest device with which to trigger off laughter. Funny one line jokes are great and a bout of helpless laughter is highly prized in the modern world, it's today's equivalent of a swig of booze, not curing pain and worry but obscuring the symptoms for a few brief moments. Funny one line jokes are the nearest thing in life to complete escapism next to the climax of making love.

Funny one line jokes are how, the most social and professional comedians ventilate different anxieties and confirm our racial and other prejudices, it has been said, for every joke there is a sufferer. Laughing at our worries reduces their threat to us. And laughing at silly people who are not as bright or rich as we are makes us feel warm and secure. So the effect of buffoonery and funny one line jokes is opposite to that of classical comedy. In classical comedy, the aim of laughter is to benefit the person laughed at. With funny one line jokes, the laugh measures the laughter.

In between wit, buffoonery and funny one line jokes, lies the third and as far as comedy is concerned, the most interesting subdivision of comedy humor. If wit belongs mainly to the Well educated classes and buffoonery to the lower classes, humor and funny one line jokes is middle class. In medieval times a 'humor' was any of the four cardinal fluids - blood, phlegm, choler, and melancholy, or black bile which coursed round the body and according to their relative, determined a person's mental and physical state.

When one of the fluids is predominated, then a person's character was dominated by that particular 'humor'. He would become either over passionate (too much blood), dull and droopy (overdose of phlegm), quick-tempered and irascible (choler flowing too strongly), or gloomy and dejected (a touch too much of the melancholy, or black bile). Such a man was said to be in a 'humor'. Or, if he carried on behaving peculiarly, to be a 'humorist'.

Helped by the efforts of some industry greats, humor and funny one line jokes in its new meaning took root and became favored light reading amongst Augustan Age Literate Citizens, who were mostly from the rapidly expanding middle-classes. Humor, mostly due to funny one line jokes, long before it had a name, was not the invention of Greek playwrights or patrician Roman poets but of ordinary people and is the oldest of the three divisions of comedy, probably dating back to when the cave man first stood upright in the cave and knocked himself senseless, and the others laughed and told all the others about it. Then came along the funny one line jokes.

Humor is great for positive energy and personal development related topics. Get a Free Copy of ==> That's Comedy Joke Book. Also for the Latest and best in comedy and laughs, go to ==> Funny-One-Line-Jokes to completely crack-up and get totally sick! Warning.. It easily done!

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When Are Jokes Considered to Be Offensive?

Taki once said "Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom." Humor can remind us of many things - and some times it reminds us of the differences between our selves and others. Many times we think these differences are funny because they are strange to us so be caution when using jokes.

In this day and age it seems that everything or at least almost everything is a joke to people. We find it very easy to make fun of people because of their skin color, their religion, their profession, or even where they live. Many of us find these jokes incredibly funny - but do we think about the people that they are making fun of? Do we stop to think about how offensive it may be to someone?

As kids many of us were taught to respect our elders and to respect other people. It didn't matter whether they were black or white, Jewish or Catholic, brunette or blondes, or even lawyers or politicians. But somewhere between growing up and trying to fit in our views become skewed and we find ourselves doing things differently.

It can be hard sometimes not to find certain jokes funny even if they are making fun of other types of people. You have many television show hosts like Jay Leno making fun of celebrities and politicians and sometimes we just have to agree with them. Then you have singers like Weird Al who takes songs and turns them into parodies of the way people can act or how nerdy someone can be.

I believe that there are some jokes that are hilarious and I love to pass them around and share them with others. But at the same time I try to make sure that they are not so offensive. For example there are some blonde jokes that are just downright funny and then there are some that are taken too far. I know that many perceive blondes as being brainless and that is where the jokes come from. I was blonde (once upon a time) - but I never took these jokes to heart and understood they were just for fun.

The best thing to remember is not to take these jokes too far and to keep them in moderation. Not every joke is supposed to be taken literally. Just because they are making fun of a lawyer doesn't mean they are talking about you. If you are going to use it to tease others then just make sure they will find it funny and don't take it too far.

On those really hard days at work we need something that will cheer us up and put a smile on our face. F&J is the best joke site on the web that has hundreds of blonde jokes, lawyer jokes and even funny comics. You can read them yourself and even send them to people in your office.

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Best-Kept Secrets for Preparing a Memorable Best Man Toast

Crafting a memorable and carefully-written best man toast is the best way to show your gratitude to someone who wants you to play a special part in his wedding. Although writing a best man speech can be quite stressful and tricky, you can succeed in this task with persistent determination and willingness to accept the challenge at hand.

Writing best man speeches is all about keeping a balance. You need to be humorous and creative enough to keep your audience interested with what you are saying. However, you also need to carefully choose your words in order to prevent your speech from sounding too offensive or pass.

Here are three speech writing secrets for writing your very first best man toast.

Plan ahead

The most important thing you need to remember when preparing best man speeches is to write your speech in advance. It is not advisable to deliver a speech that you came up with only a few minutes before the toast. You will only feel more nervous and jittery if you were not able to prepare a well-written speech beforehand.

Prepare some note cards that can serve as your guide while you are delivering the speech. This will prevent you from saying too many fillers and ruining the flow of your whole speech. It will also avoid you from making nasty, unprepared comments that can offend the bride, the groom, or any of the guests.

Insert jokes and anecdotes

The most effective way to create an interesting best man toast is to insert jokes and funny anecdotes in your speech. You can talk about old sayings about marriage and love and then turn them into hilarious puns. You can also share some funny events that you were able to experience with the groom and the bride. By entertaining your audience and throwing jokes from time to time, you can keep them hooked to your entire speech.

Another effective story that you can openly share with your audience is some of the craziest things you and your buddy did when both of you were still young. After this, compare how his personality and attitude changed for the better when he met his wife-to be. People will listen to your best man toast once you tell them an exciting story about how the groom and the bride met, fell in love, and became each others refuge.

Know more about the bride and groom

Even though you are the groom's best friend, closest cousin, or biological brother, it does not mean that you already know absolutely everything there is to know about him. Try to research more about his personality by talking to his friends and other family members. They may know something you do not know that can be included in your speech.

Of course, you also need to learn a few things about the bride. Ask her friends and family about some interesting things that you may not know about her. Give the bride a sweet surprise by including these things in your speech.

When writing a weeding speech, always remember one thing. A memorable best man toast is the sweetest and most thoughtful wedding gift that you can give to the bride and the groom.

Want more powerful Best Man Toast tips like these? Then now I would like to invite you to get your FREE Instant Access to a 20 minute recorded webinar (video) on Public Speaking for Best Man Speeches at http://www.bestmanspeeches.net/best-man-toast.php

Chris Rock - Bigger & Blacker [UMD for PSP]

Comedian Chris Rock makes a raucous return to his stand-up roots in this HBO special filmed at Harlem's legendary Apollo Theater. Despite his manic and profane delivery, Rock's comedy is often rooted in traditional subjects for comedians: family relationships, misunderstandings between men and women, and observations on how childhood has changed. But he takes his material right to the edge, proving himself to be a sharp-eyed satirist. Serious and timely issues, such as school shootings or children being neglected by partying parents, are tackled by Rock, who's not afraid to slip in a serious point while being hysterically funny. His defense of President Clinton against his accusers is a good example of how Rock's material is almost always bound to offend someone: he slices through the self-righteous rhetoric of the impeachment spectacle, but even the behavior he defends comes in for ridicule with jokes that are extremely funny as well as extremely coarse. The pace of this one-hour show is uneven, and some viewers will no doubt find Rock's penchant for using profanity as punctuation tiresome. But those who like intelligent comedy with a hard edge will find much to laugh at in Chris Rock: Bigger and Blacker. -- Robert J. McNamara

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The Importance of Clean Jokes and Humor

Jokes, wit and humor are an essential part of our life for they add charisma and charm to our trivial activities and chores. If you appreciate humor then it is likely that you are alive to the most modest joys of life and have a cheerful outlook towards the things in the world. This is perhaps the reason why researchers stress the need for clean jokes and humor in our life for a better and healthier life. So what are jokes? How do we categorize them? Why is it so important to understand these minute aspects of jokes?

A joke is basically a narration or story of some funny incident that an individual may have encountered in his or her life. Or it may be a fragment of some innovative joke ster's imagination capable of invoking laughter and mirth among many. It may even be a simple line or a message whose ingenuity or incongruity has the power to evoke laughter. While broaching the subject of jokes it is worth mentioning the fact that as nothing in this world comes in perfectly one shade and aspect, the same is true for humor. Your humor may have the capability of provoking joy among individuals but it is quite possible that crude jokes and over explicit jokes might actually result in quite an opposite effect. This is an important element of jokes and is more specifically classified into two types that are clean jokes and humor as opposed to the less favorable and less recommended type i.e. dirty humor.

The basic feature which enables us to categorize humor into clean jokes and otherwise is their rating which enables us to identify whether the joke is safe for children and young adults or not. Moreover, jokes which actually result in a harassing effect and provoke aggravation among different beliefs, point of views and thought schools by deriding them also fall into this category. Clean jokes thus need to be identified and separated from their opposites and their importance and need should in no way be compromised. Moreover, in most companies, offices and institutes, any professional workplace or even family get togethers, the use of dirty jokes is considered as a serious offense. Not only is this against all the social and moral norms but also tends to worsen the environment and work place sanity.

Clean jokes can be easily found on a number of dedicated websites on the World Wide Web and one of their greatest advantages is that you don't have to worry about hurting another's feelings or emotions through your humor. Sharing clean jokes is an excellent way of putting a smile on your friend's or loved one's face. You may choose to either share them in public gatherings or email them to friends and family to create a beautiful memory.

To learn more about Clean Jokes please visit http://www.smilejokes.com.

Joke Telling Tips That Will Have Them Falling Out of Their Seats

Everyone wants to be the guy that people gather around at parties to tell stories. Being a funny person naturally equates to being popular and it is only natural to want to be liked by people. With that in mind, learning joke telling tips can be the secret to your new social windfall.

There are plenty of things that are funny, but you have to decide what kind of funny you want to be. Are you going to be a storyteller like Bill Cosby or are you going to rapid fire one liners like Rodney Dangerfield? This is important to know because the style that you pull it off is going to be very different.

For instance the storyteller will usually use some type of event in their life that is the basis of the joke. They are merely relaying a funny instance that happened that they think will make everyone else laugh. The trick in the success is letting the anticipation build until just about everyone knows the outcome. When you blurt it out, they have already been waiting to laugh and the room erupts in one big swell.

If you are a one liner, it is all about the delivery of the punch line. Rodney Dangerfield was a master at this and watching his tapes are the best lessons that money can buy. When the joke doesn't work, you have to be able to come right back. If you are not making anyone laugh, you have to come up with a joke about not being funny. It is a vicious cycle.

In all honestly, pulling off one liners is a difficult thing to do. Unless you are a wiz at writing material, everyone has already heard the jokes and you are not offering them anything different. However, while all people seem to experience similar things in their life, funny stories are enjoyable for everyone as you sometimes don't even realize how funny things are.

Remember though, build the suspense until you have them all on the edge of their seats and then let them have it. You are going to see finger pointing and head shaking as they all relate it to something that happened to them. All you are really doing is getting them to laugh at themselves!

To get more joke telling tips check out this review of how to be funny.

Ghana Must Not Joke With ICT at All

An African proverb alerts us that: "A person who travels sees more things than a person who climbs up a tall tree." Another one says: "What Cat saw and closed its eyes, Dog did not see it before barking at the top of its voice."

It appears most of us Ghanaians take delight in talking, talking without actually focusing on what we are mandated or supposed to do for the advancement of our beloved country. If one were to do a sort of SWOT analysis of Ghana as a nation, this "Talk-talk No Action" would be one of her critical weaknesses.

On Friday, August 1, 2008, the Daily Graphic wrote a very pathetic editorial headed: "That all may access the Internet." The opening paragraph of that editorial comment even started with the word pathetic in capital letters. It reads:

"A PATHETIC picture was painted of the country's poor Internet use and standing on the African continent, with Ghana placing only ahead of Sierra Leone and Liberia."

Come to think of it! Ghana, a country that we Ghanaians always claim to be the first in everything and anything in Africa, is sharing a position with Sierra Leone and Liberia in Information and Communication Technology (ICT) on the African Continent. Did something go wrong somewhere, or have we just not moved from the talking point to the action point yet?

Graphic editorial continued: "This sordid state of affairs should be cause for concern to everybody in the 21st century when Information and Communication Technology (ICT) rules the world"

The third paragraph opined: "Ghana's hold on mobile phone patronage, undoubtedly, is high, as every nook and cranny of the country is somehow connected to some of the major mobile networks. Obviously, the high mobile phone patronage should translate into Internet use to make every hamlet of the country become part of the global village in order to share in its joy and benefits."

The editorial quoted from 2007 World Bank report on the Internet use in the world, which said that, "only 401,300 Ghanaians, representing 1.8 percent of the country's population of an estimated 22 million, have access to the Internet."

"The report cited Ghana as one of the African countries with the lowest record of Internet patronage, coming behind South Africa, Nigeria, Morocco, Algeria, Zimbabwe, Kenya and Senegal." The question is, how come Ghana, the most peaceful and stable country in Africa should be trailing behind these countries when Ghana has a comprehensive ICT Policy, known as ICT for Accelerated Development (ICT4AD) in place?

The editorial also quoted the President of the Ghana Association of Leasing Company (GALCO), Mr Ernest Mintah, to have made reference to the World Bank report and called for the government's intervention to give more Ghanaians access to the Internet.

"According to him, the government should waive taxes and duties on computers and their accessories to allow for more importation of computers into the country in order to promote the use of computers and the Internet in schools and at workplaces.

"That Internet facilities and access to the personal computers enhance teaching and learning and increase the productivity of business can no longer be relegated to the background. But it is one thing having access to the personal computers and another having access to the Internet."

This writer finds this point made by Graphic editorial very, very relevant. In countries like Singapore and others where ICT is leading them to become world superpower, they ensure that all pupils and students at various stages of the educational ladder, ranking from kindergarten the tertiary levels, computer and Internet facilities are made available for their studies. In fact, in Singapore, most students do no longer go to school with load of bags hanging on their necks. Students do their home works online and email them to their teachers for marking online.

In Ghana, the situation is diametrically the opposite. The evidence is that on the letters page of the Daily Graphic of the same Friday, August 1, 2008 when this pathetic editorial was written, there was a letter to the editor (page9), complaining about lack of computers in schools in Ghana. That letter, written by one Emmanuel Toklo of Gbawe Cluster of Schools, was captioned: "ICT with no computer?"

The opening paragraph of that letter read: "The academic year that ushers in the new educational system would come to an end on July 31, 2008. The introduction of the new system comes with ICT as a subject of study with a comprehensive syllabus."

Then the second paragraph lamented: "But after three clear terms have passed, the teaching of ICT remains a theoretical subject such as history and social studies. What is more worrying is that there are no textbooks for the students to use to acquire basic computer literacy and they do not have the opportunity for acquiring practical experience."

One unfortunate observation this writer has made about Ghana is that some times, if not most times, Government's good intentions or laudable programmes and plans to help the citizenry is almost always frustrated and torpedoed by some individuals for their selfish end. If Government waives taxes and duties on computers and their accessories as recommended in the Graphic editorial under review, would importers of ICT equipment respond positively and reduce the prices of their goods for the benefit of the ordinary people, especially school pupils and students in this particular case?

Just take the recent fantastic gesture by government in abolishing or suspending taxes and duties on certain food items including rice, sugar, poultry, cooking oil, as well as petroleum products to alleviate economic hardships on the people of Ghana, being experienced globally. Some importers and retailers are taking undue advantage and have the pleasure to indulge in profiteering thereby making nonsense of Government's magnanimity. Is it fair?

Right now Government has embarked upon the establishment of Community Information Centers (CICs) in all the 230 constituencies to take ICT closer to the door steps of rural communities and deprived zones in the country. There is the urgent need to expedite action on extension and expansion of telecommunications infrastructure to all parts of the country for computer and Internet facilities to reach everybody whether rich or poor.

This explains why this writer wishes to humbly appeal to politicians to minimize talking and politicking and as stated in the Graphic editorial, "that Ghana Telecom should be supported to become viable so that it can extend its land line system to the rural areas."

I further agree with the last but one paragraph of Graphic editorial which pointed out that: "While we support Mr Minta's appeal to the government to waive taxes and duties on computers and their accessories to allow for more importation of computers into the country, we also believe that mobile phone service providers which go to the aid of rural areas should be considered for tax rebates."

As far back as 1997, a South African Minister for Communication predicted that the way ICT was ruling the world, "If you don't Dot Com, you would be Dot Dead!" And, as Graphic editorial headline puts it, for Ghana to advance in the 21st century, we must ensure "That all may access the Internet."

Mawutodzi K. Abissath is a Ghanaian journalist, writer, poet and blogger. He is EzineArticles.com Expert Author, author of Kofi Annan the Great - poetry, Friends of Tomorrow-Poems for Young Children and Co-author of Traditional Wisdom in African Proverbs. He writes from Accra, Ghana.

Value of a Good Clean Joke

A good clean joke is true humor in a way that many other jokes are not. What is humor? It is something funny in its own right. Often, it points out something about society at large, or about human nature, that many can relate to and poke fun at in a loving manner. Other times, humor is sincerely silly if not completely ridiculous. Blending the ridiculous with the regular is often considered humorous. Above all, true humor is just plain fun.

A clean joke meets many or all of the criteria listed above, especially the final criteria. A good joke is fun. It is fun to tell, fun to hear, and fun to share with others. Some "dirty" jokes or other non-clean jokes are only fun for some. The fact that such jokes can be found offensive drastically detracts from their quality as true humor. Too often, they rely on insult or harmful stereotype to get their point across. When a joke runs the risk of hurting someone's feelings or angering them, it is no longer funny.

But a clean joke does not do this. A joke uses a clever pun or a silly situation to make a positive point that all can relate to. In fact, a pun is often considered the only kind of joke that does not insult someone to earn its laughter. These reasons make a clean joke very easy to relate to. It does no harm, and only brings positively and laughter to those who experience it. This is the essence of a good joke.

A hand picked joke selection can be found at CleanJokes4U.com

D. Macrae runs several websites relating to jokes and clean humor.

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Five Church Accounting Jokes

Over the years accountants have been stereotyped as being boring, balding, and out-of-shape. Try visualizing an accountant in your head and you will most likely visualize someone like Kevin Malone from the T.V. Show "The Office."

Below are some jokes about church accountants. These accounting jokes can be used for any accounting industry, but since the author of this article is in the church accounting software industry, the jokes will be related to church accountants.

Question: What is the difference between a church accountant and a lawyer? Answer: The accountant recognizes that he is boring.

You may remember times when you were giving presentations on technical accounting issues and you were bored even though you were the one talking. Think about how the unfortunate listeners felt.

Question: How was copper wire invented? Answer: Two church accountants were arguing over the widow's mite.

Question: What's an example of an extroverted accountant? Answer: One who looks at your shoes while she is talking to you, in contrast to looking at her own shoes.

Again, church accounting staff must laugh at how they have been stereotyped over the years.

Question: Why did the church auditor cross the road? Answer: Because he looked in the file and that is what he did last year.

If you have ever had to audit anyone, you'll appreciate this joke. Most of your work consists of trying to figure out what happened during the audit last year, and then applying it to this year.

The next joke is appropriate for the tax season.

A church accountant is talking with a friend on his deathbed. Just before the church accountant dies, he tells his friend to send his body to the IRS with the attached envelope. The friend out of curiosity reads the letter. The letter says, "There, now you have everything."

Hope you enjoyed some of the jokes. It is healthy to laugh at some of the quirks of one's profession.

Church Accounting isn't everyone's favorite subject. Come find out all about accounting software for churches and clarity accounting reviews.

Jokes - Do I Have To Be Funny To Tell Funny Jokes?

Jokes jokes and more jokes means more laughs laughs laughs. Laughter is a sure sign of jolliness, happiness and enjoyment, so if telling jokes can create emotions and atmospheres as such then why is the whole world not telling more funny jokes at every opportunity

Even in the most miserable of mundane surroundings you can bet a bottom dollar if good jokes or gags are cracked then the atmosphere changes from gloomy into a jolly ambiance.

If you are in charge of an entertainment plan for a wedding, birthday party or anniversary, then, for the celebration to be a success you will need a good script of funny jokes. Jokes are funnier if actions are applied. Remember, actions speak louder than words. If it is your choice to take the part of a stand up comedienne, then so be it. If you are afraid of making a fool of yourself on stage, then better still because the more you act the goat the laughter gets louder when the punch line is delivered.

To keep the air filled with laughter keep the jokes rolling. When telling jokes. clean or dirty, you have to bear in mind that not everyone shares the same sense of humour, meaning, seeing the funny side of things, so therefore do a little research on what you feel is appropriate for your guests. Clean jokes are just as funny as dirty jokes. People can also be easily offended and embarrassed at joke material - so this is why it is important to check out your audience first. Racist's jokes should be avoided, telling racist's jokes can be disastrous which is understandable with the world as it is today, where sadly we have more crying than laughing.

Okay back to planning what party jokes you tend to use and how to present them, once again remember, actions speak louder than words when telling jokes and so do costumes. Dressing up can have your onlooker now see your funny jokes as being hilarious. Choosing the right costume will make all the difference so be careful at this point because, no matter how funny your jokes are, your outfit can send out other signals. For example: Take coco the clown who we expect to throw buckets of water over people, topple and take tumbles, okay this is fine if you want to play funny pranks on people, however it is not often you see a stand up comedienne dressed as a clown unless telling kiddies jokes.

Comediennes are usually remembered for their jokes and how they dress. Drag queens like Lily Savage, Danny La Rue and Dame Edna Everage became famous for their false identities (opposite sex). Then we had Max Wall famous for his walk and Freddie Frinton for his role of a drunk on stage. These are just a few ideas, however the more unique you are under the spotlight may just keep you in the spotlight if you wish to make a career out of telling funny jokes.

If you selected different jokes like Irish jokes, Scottish jokes or even parrot jokes, then at your side have a case filled with assorted wigs or instruments to use; these will help make your hilarious jokes come to life.

Some people are naturally talented when telling jokes, however for those who are not and find they have been nominated to entertain need not fret. All you do is watch a video of how other entertainers perform when telling jokes. Duplicate the jesters actions by standing in front of the mirror and practice, who knows you may even laugh at yourself at this point.

If you want the event to be a success then audience participation is definitely the way forward for guaranteed laughs. When calling upon a guest to join you on stage to help out with a trick or you tend on them being on the brunt end of your joke, then you must select that person with carefully, meaning, "Can they take a joke."

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Fred Bombed Beerbands, Set of 12

Always losing your drink at parties? Tired of wasting cups at every party you throw? Stop wasting drinks and money! Be the hit of the party with this tower of beer bands - each in a different color to keep drinks separate once and for all! Each band declares a state of drunkeness with attitude and flare that is sure to spark conversation. In scrawled writing, the bands say: bombed, blitzed, trashed, pickled, hammered, loaded, polluted, ripped, sauced, tanked, wrecked, wasted.

These stretchy waterproof bands fit on bottles or cans and are thin enough to make holding your drink comfortable - you won't even notice it on your drink until you need to! This is a great gift to bring to tailgates and holiday parties!

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Eviltron

This fiendishly small device features six creepy sound choices perfect for frightening your "friends" and co-workers. Simply choose your favorite sound (or use the random mode), place it in a dark hiding spot and watch the madness begin. Perfectly suitable for dorm, office and home use. Or try putting it in someone's car - that gets them every time. Your Highly Tested EvilTron Sounds Are: Something unsettling creaking Unidentifiable scratching sounds Gasping last breath Sinister child laughing Eerie whispering of 'hey, can you hear me?' Random Mode The ThinkGeek EvilTron Features: Fiendishly small Six scary sound choices (5 sounds plus a random option) Battery included (lasts 1 month+ of continuous use) Embedded Rare-earth Magnet for easy hiding Single push button to change sounds Please note: after removing battery tab you may need to push down slightly on the magnet to re-seat the battery correctly (you may even hear a small click)

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hillbilly farmer

A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.'

The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?

The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.

The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere'

The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere'

The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.'

By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question ..The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.'

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Funny Jokes For Adults And Stand-Up Comedy

Stand-up comedy has evolved in harmony with the cosmic blueprint and there's an interesting story attached to this. It's more than just funny jokes for adults, but a Long, long time ago before our time, and before people as we know them existed on Earth, our planet was formed from a cataclysmic "bang" out in the cosmos.

The cosmic blueprint: Comedy and funny jokes for adults was fused into the very material that went into making our own planet. Much, much later when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, they themselves were destined to suffer the consequences of this cosmic idleness. Consider why those mammoth creatures disappeared, again the answer is clear, they died of boredom.

Why they didn't have television. It is said that evidence exists to suggest that man did, in fact, survive the ice-age. True, most died in that endless cold, but the clever ones stayed at home in their caves in front of a cozy fire making up funny jokes for adults which is One Theory of how stand-up comedy first started off!

Let us consider: Before stand-up comedy and funny jokes for adults, there were other startling fundamentals of our planet's development. Firstly we will consider Newton's first law of relativity,, for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction. We can best illustrate this by observing the very length of time our planet took to develop life forms. For a long, long time nothing happened, so what was the reaction? Nothing! Eventually microscopic unicellular organisms were in existence, but they got tired of floating around in a massive ocean, so they teamed up to form the first species of fish.

That makes a lot of sense: But what has funny jokes for adults and stand-up comedy got to do with fish? Now if you've been attentive, you'll be able to discern the makings of a pattern here... Yes, that cosmic blueprint was in evidence again. The fish had to keep swimming to survive and like the little amoeba, the fish got well and truly bored with swimming; just so they could breathe.

It took one enterprising little fish. The fish went up on to the beach and what was the first thing he did? Yes, he had a rest, but very shortly after this he developed lungs, so he could stay on the beach - resting. Now if it wasn't for the fact that the fish got hungry he might never have developed lungs or legs and they are the main ingredients for Stand-up comedy and funny jokes for adults. And that's how it all started.

Consider the obvious parallel. With the development of the walking fish, the cosmic die was firmly cast. As with the fish, man's very physical configuration was determined by his most basic needs and legs provided the mobility which was needed for man to gather and hunt food, walk around making up funny jokes for adults to laugh at with their developed lungs.

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Everyone Should Learn Three Inoffensive Jokes

A man who won millions in a lottery was once asked how the money had changed his life. The man answered: "People you to say I was rude and they now say I'm refreshing and I'm not witty where I once was a guy who new the punchlines to all he dirty jokes."

For anyone who does not have the luxury of being considered "witty" then learning a few inoffensive jokes is a must. This may not be as easy as it sounds as different people are offended by different things and some people are offended by almost anything. This not to say that there is not a time or place for the more colorful jokes.  These jokes should be avoid in public meetings, workplaces and when you first meet someone. Commonsense will go a long way in determining if a joke is safe to tell. Here are a few tips.

1) If the joke has offensive language which cannot be cleaned up then it should be saved for when you are with your friends.

2) Any joke that deals with any sexual situations or innuendos should likewise be avoided.

3) It should go without saying that racial jokes are big no. This also extents to nationality jokes as well. Telling a joke about a drunk Irishman or a penny-pinching Scot may seem harmless but people do take offense them just the same. Just because you are a member of a certain race or nationality does not give you the right to make self-deprecating jokes of that race or nationality.

4) Sexist jokes, whether about males or females, are also to be avoided.

5) You may think that blonde jokes, lawyer jokes or doctor jokes are safe to tell. If you do not know the professions of the people you are talking to, you may want to tread carefully.

Everyone should learn at least three inoffensive jokes to see them through any situation. To help with this task, three inoffensive jokes are listed below.

Joke 1

A man in a supermarket was pushing a cart which contained, among other things, a screaming baby. As the man proceeded along the aisles, he kept repeating softly, "Keep calm, Fred. Don't get excited, Fred. Don't yell, Fred."

A lady watched with admiration and then said, "You are certainly to be commended for your patience in trying to quiet little Fred."

"Lady," he declared, "I'm Fred!"

Joke 2

Why are there no romantic restaurants on the moon?  Because there is no atmosphere.

Joke 3

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Tucson theatre.

When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager.

The cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony."

Brian Goethe runs the website http://www.cleanandfunny.com and understands the importance of not offending people with a joke.

Jokes Are the Reason to Smile Which Works Like a Magnet to Attract Everyone

We interact with each other for different Purposes in the business deals, Family functions, Journey or Picnic etc. Some are good friends and relatives. Heart and mind gets impress with them who have got Jolly nature with good sense of humor. Smiling Faces are welcome in every occasion. Sparking eyes with smiling lips gives a relaxation to the interacting person and makes the moment unforgettable. Smile is like a Magnet. It makes the human being a Flamboyant personality.

Smile helps in healing procedure of body and reduces the stress. It strikes a balance between different aspects of life.

The thing which bound to happen, we can not change. The only thing which is our hand is to face the situation boldly, answer them with a confident smile and positive action.

Doctor often says to their Patients that "Do not take any tension and keep your self happy". Because a happy-go-lucky. It reduces tensions.

Smile is a cooling system of Heart, Sparking system of Eyes, Lighting system of Face, Relaxing system of Mind, So activate all your system, Keep Smiling. It costs nothing and gives many hidden advantages.

God gives Life once, so why to waste it in depression tensions and crying. Enjoy what you have got.

Celebrate small-small happiness with your family and friends. Live each and every moment. Whenever you meet with anyone, try to make him happy. For that you can start with jokes and Pranks. It creates a fiction of funny moments.

Short Jokes are helpful in bringing immense amount of Laughter. One can gather funny material like jokes and funny stories from Internet, television laughter shows, comics and magazines etc. A good joke helps to cheer up the mood.

Jokes prove like a helping hand in burnout the anxiety.

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Wedding Reception Jokes - How to Use Them If You Are a Wedding MC

Wedding reception jokes are among the things that can add color and fun to a wedding reception. Especially if you are the master of ceremonies, delivering good jokes is one thing that you can do to make the guests at ease and to make the celebration fun and exciting even from the start.

Wedding receptions should not be some stiff and boring celebration and set of rituals and wedding speeches. As wedding emcee, you can actually make it fun for both the newlyweds and the guests.

If you are thinking about cracking some jokes on the wedding reception, there are also important points that you need to take into consideration, as weddings are also sensitive celebrations that you would not want to spoil. Of course, you don't want to spoil the celebration by insulting or putting the groom or the bride in an embarrassing situation. Wedding etiquette should always be observed - in wedding speeches especially when it comes to wedding reception jokes.

If you are tasked to become the wedding MC or master of ceremonies, it is important to consider wedding etiquette always. Keep in mind that weddings are not the place to make lengthy stories. For sure, you don't want to take away the focus from the bride and groom. Make your jokes short and witty. One liners are often best as wedding reception jokes. Jokes about marriage in general can also be a good one.

As wedding reception emcee, successfully cracking a good joke at the start of the celebration allows you to make the guests at ease and break the stiffness of the celebration. If you want a fun and exciting reception, you have to make a good start as well. A good joke will also help you overcome some nerves at the start of your wedding reception hosting task.

Keep in mind that a wedding MC is not just there to introduce and keep the flow of the program. You have to be an entertainer at the same time. In fact, you can have a collection of one liners and wedding jokes at hand to make the celebration a fun one. However, make sure that your jokes and punch lines sounds natural and conversational. Do not just read them off your list. Master it beforehand and make sure it serves the purpose you want it to be.

Delivery is very important as well. You have to practice to deliver the joke if you want to make it effective. Make sure also that your wedding reception jokes are appropriate and suited to the audience. Of course, it helps to have tasteful and funny jokes.

Be sure as well to avoid pulling off a joke that may embarrass, offend, or insult either the groom or the bride and even their families. It may be helpful to know a little bit of the background of the newlyweds so you will know what topics or joke subjects you would not want to bring up during the reception that may put them in an embarrassing situation.

Carolyn Anderson loves to share some tips if you emcee a wedding reception. For a great wedding joke collection, check out The Wedding Mc Jokebook. Also check out Wedding Speech 4u, where you can find tips on how to deliver great wedding speeches and sample wedding speeches that you can use for your wedding speech.

Start Family Traditions When Your Children Are Young

Family traditions are the glue that unites a family, and these special moments help mold and shape your children. Among the many traditions our family enjoys, our favorite by far takes place on Thanksgiving. Now that my children are young adults, I can witness the effect this tradition has on them.

Each Thanksgiving morning, another family joins us at a house at the beach, to assemble 40 Thanksgiving meals. Each meal includes turkey with gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, and cranberry sauce, filled into a carry-out container. We then add a roll, cookie, plastic silverware and a juice box, to make the meals complete.

Each person oversees a segment of the meal, whether it's cooking, scooping, or assembling. I cook the turkeys the day before, so the whole process takes just a couple of hours. We then load the meals into boxes, get in the car, and drive to the Atlantic City boardwalk. It doesn't take long to find people in need of food, more this year than ever before.

Practically every person we offer a meal to is incredibly appreciative. There is no greater feeling than feeding someone who is hungry, and the smiles on my children's faces offer proof of that all day. As we seek out the people who would benefit from our meals, our family bonds. We tell jokes, actually referring to the day as "Bad Joke Holiday." We enjoy the ocean breeze and brisk wind that often accompanies the November day and reflect on how thankful we are to be able to share with others.

This year we gave our meals out in record time. Sadly, there are too many hungry people. Yet, being able to help just a few is very meaningful to us all. It doesn't matter what your traditions are, but repeating them year after year for your children is priceless.

A bit about myself: I produced the Romper Room and Friends TV show and Bowling for Dollars when I worked for Claster Television in the '80's and '90's. With three kids of my own, I stopped working there in 1996. Today I am a freelance writer and preschool teacher and I am in the process of publishing my first book about preschool advice for parents. Please check out my blog at http://www.preschoolteach.blogspot.com

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Joke Writing - Where Can I Learn to Write Jokes?

Back in the early days, this guy was just a guy. He was unemployed, had very little money and no job prospects. He was not a very good looking guy so the chance of him becoming famous what slim. But then something happened, he decided to buy a book about joke writing. After a while, he was a touring stand-up comedian. His unique appearance gave him a certain identity and he eventually got his own television show, with his name in the title. He hosted another comedy show, with the funniest improve comedians starring in it, and now is the new host of "The Price is Right"

You should know his name by now, its Drew Carrey, and he is a terrific success story. He went from having nothing to having everything, seemingly overnight just because he took a chance and followed his dream. Is writing jokes your dream?

If it is, I have an important tip for you. It such an important joke writing tip, that it will seem to be ridiculous, and yet most people never think of it. The tip is this: If you think of it, write it down.

In other words, the best place to learn to write jokes, is in your own head. Always write it down. Carry a note pad with you always and always keep notes. Did you know that if you don't write it down, then you will loose 90% of the ideas you come up with. Thats right, if you have not been writing things down, then all the success you achieved so far in your life has been a result of only 10% of the ideas you have come up with in your life. Imagine how successful you could be if you were able to keep all of the ideas you come up with!

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40th Birthday Joke Gifts

Canvas Prints

Choose a photo and have it printed on high quality, woven canvas. Alternatively, you can create your own design using any visual elements including photographs, pictures, design, and even artwork. You can add text in any style to the design before having it printed on to canvas of virtually any size - bespoke measurements go up to several metres in length and you can always use multiple panel canvas prints for any larger requirements.

Custom Handbag

Why not have a photo turned into Warhol pop art and added to a custom handbag? Handbags can be made from either quality Italian leather or resilient and good looking patent vinyl and your photo or other design can be printed onto the bag. You can choose a colour for the reverse, or you can pay just a little extra and get the same or a different design printed on the reverse of the bag. Don't forget, with personalised photo gifts, the end design is down to you so you can have whatever you want printed on these items.

Photo Calendars

Photo calendars, like any photo gifts, can use any type of image. They don't have to be photos taken by yourself and can include pictures of celebrities, sports stars, teams, or even hobbyist items. You could create 40th birthday joke gifts using pictures from a person's past or relating to a strange obsession they may have with a celebrity or anybody else.

Your Life Photo Books

The Your Life photo book is a unique gift item idea that is great for any birthday or other celebration. Available in either photo album or photo book style, the Your Life photo book is a celebration of the recipient's life through the medium of photograph. The customisable front cover can include any message of your choice in classic gilt letters while you can decide whether to add your own photos or have them printed directly onto high quality HD satin pages.

Photo Wallpaper

For a massive impact, you can even have wallpaper customised to include your own design This can be a photo as well as a design so you can have any image you want converted into high quality, virtually damage proof wallpaper that is ideal for use in any room of the house.

Folding Screens

Folding screens are another item that can be added to virtually any room of any home. Traditionally they were used to get dressed behind, but more recently they have become as much a part of room design as they have a practical item. They can be used to break up large areas or they can be used to hide clutter. As with the design of 40th birthday joke gifts, the use of the folding screen is down to you or the recipient.

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Teacher Retirement Jokes

Most people dread the thought of retiring. There are some people who seemingly cannot wait to retire and then sit and do nothing, but they are definitely in the minority. Of all the people who hate retiring, teachers seem to hate it the most. They are so used to the hustle and bustle, and so used to being around their students all the time that they hate retiring! As soon as one teacher's day to retire comes close, you can hear plenty of teacher retirement jokes coming from the staff rooms, though.

Now, teacher retirement jokes are plenty. They are even funnier when teachers themselves crack those teacher retirement jokes. Have you ever wondered why they make all those teacher retirement jokes? Well, one thing teachers learn after a few months of teaching is that there are some things you cannot change. They have to be faced. So the best thing to do is to laugh about them!

If you have ever attended a retirement dinner for a beloved and trusted teacher, you will see that. There will be a speech from the teacher, of course - and the speech is bound to be full of anecdotes, jokes, teacher jokes, and, especially, teacher retirement jokes. The best part is that they know where these jokes stem from, because they have all seen it happen - they are not just downloaded from somewhere on the net, which is only apt, considering that teachers spearhead the movement against plagiarism of homework!

All those jokes do not mean that these teachers are not sad about leaving. Teaching is one of the hardest, most difficult jobs in the world. It is also one of the most underpaid jobs in the world. This means that when a person decides to be a teacher, they do it because they truly want to, because they sincerely want to teach. Such people also never stop learning - which is why they know that they must always look forward, just like they always tell their students.

No matter how much teachers may try to convince themselves that they are getting a well-earned break, that they are glad to be free of the stress and the worry, they are the ones who will find it the hardest to let go of their professions, because it is more than just a profession to them. This is as it should be - teaching should be more than just a career.

Robert Grazian is an accomplished niche website developer and author. To learn more about teacher retirement jokes [http://www.youretired.com/teacher-retirement-jokes/] visit You Retired [http://www.youretired.com/] for current articles and discussions.

Boyle's Law

 The following is an actual question given on a  University of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.   

  

The answer by this student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:  

 
 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?  

  
 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.  

   One student, however, wrote the following:  

 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.  

  
 

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

  
 

This gives two possibilities:  

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.  

  2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

  

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.' 

  
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

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Short Hilarious Jokes and One-Liners to Spice Up Your Speeches

Adding short hilarious jokes or funny one-liners to your speeches will capture your listener's attention and make your presentation more interesting.

Humor is a popular speech-giving technique because it breaks the tension, helps people relax, and allows the speaker to connect with the audience. A relevant joke can enhance a presentation and emphasize a point to make it more memorable. A quick amusing anecdote can help attendees relate to the guest of honor, or a punchy one-liner can lighten the mood and make the audience more receptive.

Of course, what one person finds funny another may find offensive, so when choosing jokes, speech writers should show sensitivity to the occasion and consider the the audience. Humor can be an effective tool, but it must be used correctly.

Wouldn't a business or corporate conference meeting be more interesting if an executive opened his speech with, "Your future depends on your dreams...so go to sleep"?

Do you have to give a speech at an Over the Hill, 60th, 70th, or even 80th birthday party? Just think of the laughs that you will cause when you stand before your guests and open with, "Right now I am having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." (Steven Wright) Or, generate uproarious laughter with, "You know you are old when you try to straighten the wrinkles in your socks and realize that you aren't wearing any."

The Father-of-the-bride always wants to use his experience to give his newlywed daughter valuable marriage advice. How about quoting the great Phyllis Diller, "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." Or, the Best Man can send his friend into marital bliss with, "Just think, if it weren't for marriages men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all."

Celebrating a milestone anniversary? Spice up your speech with a little humorous relationship insight. "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henry Youngman

Young men can add a little humor to their Bar Mitzvah speech with, "Today I am a man. Tomorrow I go back to grade eight."

Have you been asked to speak at a retirement party? Have a little fun with the new retiree by beginning your speech with, "Why do retirees count pennies? They are the only ones who have time." Or, if you are the guest of honor, encourage a few chuckles with the statement, "When a man retires and time is no longer of urgent importance, his colleagues usually present him with a watch."

If you have to address an audience of fellow college graduates, spice your speech up with this intriguing thought, "Some of the smartest, most successful people in the world never finished school. Remember that as you pay off your student loans for the next twenty years."

Whatever the occasion, giving a speech can be stressful, and keeping your audience entertained and interested can be challenging. Adding a few appropriate short hilarious jokes or one-liners can break the ice and set the stage for a successful presentation.

About Author:
Soren Lauritzen is a coach, consciousness guide, self help author and teacher whose love of truth, wit, and humor led him to create www.inspirational-quotes-short-funny-stuff.com which includes short hilarious jokes.

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Worst First date ever!

THIS IS A TRUE STORY, BELIEVE IT OR NOT

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down
when you read it.  This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!!  We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first
date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date
experience.

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had
taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah.
It was a day trip (no overnight).  They were strangers, after all, and
had never met before.  The outing was fun but relatively uneventful
until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to
realize that she should not have had that extra latte.  They were
about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of
nowhere!  Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did
for a while.  Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going,
there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let
her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down and started.  In the deep snow she didn't have good
footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady
herself.  Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for
traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.
All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather
embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her
buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.  Thoughts of
tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to
disengage her flesh from the icy metal.  It was quickly apparent that
she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.  

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she
answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a
reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some
assistance!  He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with
her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he
burst out laughing.  She too, got the giggles and when they finally
managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.  Obviously,
as
hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real
problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from
the grip of the icy metal!  Thinking about what had gotten her into
the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there
was only one way to get her free.  So, as she looked the other way,
her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off
the fender.  

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize
hands down.  Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'.  And you thought
your first date was embarrassing.  Jay Leno's comment...  'This gives
a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

Oh and how did the first date turn out?  He became her husband and was
sitting next to her on the Leno show.

Using Humor to Increase Your Self-Esteem and Your Ability to Make Friends

Humor is excellent medicine when properly used. It can help you increase your self-esteem by giving you the confidence of knowing how to be funny. Social acceptance will be guaranteed if you are the type that knows how to make interesting comments and how to tell jokes that will make your audience laugh.

Humor will always help you break the silence when nobody knows what to say in a social meeting. It will be a tool that will give you the power to always conquer your audience. You'll be admired and always welcome in all groups. As a result, you'll easily make many friends.

Even though you should prefer to make fun of the various situations of your daily life instead of repeating old jokes, sometimes they help you accomplish your goals. In order to learn how to have a natural sense of humor and make fun of simple events, you need more practice. It is easier to learn how to tell other people's jokes, than to make new jokes out of daily situations.

You should use both of these methods to develop your talent. Even if you believe that you have no talent for telling jokes, you will certainly find your personal style if you look for it. After finding your personal "funny style", you'll see how easy it will be to make everyone around you laugh at what you say.

I had no talent for telling jokes when I was younger. I would laugh without being able to continue the joke, or delay so much telling it that it looked like a novel. Nobody would laugh at the end because they would forget the beginning, even when the joke was really funny.

However, I discovered that I had the capacity to make ironic observations. I learned how to develop a natural sense of humor and make fun of simple facts and events, even though I have no talent for telling other people's jokes. You may be more successful at telling jokes though, because your personality is different.

You should try both styles of joke telling. You can tell other people's jokes and tell your own. Either way you need to find really funny jokes. Don't simply repeat the jokes that everyone tells. Be original, look for jokes that have something special and really make people laugh. Some jokes are very funny for some people, while other people cannot understand what is so funny about them.

You have to look for jokes that tend to be appreciated by most people if you want to be sure that they will always please your audience, which is composed of people with many different personalities.

There are many ways through which you can use humor to attract many friends. Try different variations of telling the same joke and see which way works the best for you and for your audience. Do some research, look for information about this matter, use your imagination, and test your jokes on a few people before telling them in front of everyone.

Depending on the results you'll have, you'll continue to improve your style until you'll feel comfortable and your success will be guaranteed.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung's research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness. Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com. Click Here to download a Free Sample of the eBook Dream Interpretation as a Science (86 pages!).

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The Joke's On You -- Who Should be the Butt of Your Jokes?

This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand) about the performance of a local magician at a child's birthday party. Now, granted, this wasn't done by a clown, but I've seen clowns doing similar things. As one of his tricks, he has a child (a young girl approximately 9 years old) holding two handkerchiefs knotted together. He pulls her hands apart, and instead of a third handkerchief appearing (or a flag, or whatever else) he has a pair of ladies' panties appear. The magician received the reaction he wanted: the audience laughed loud and long at the discomfiture of the young girl. She, however, was on the verge of tears, having been publicly humiliated, for having done nothing more than helping on stage when asked.

As I say, this prompted some thought on my part. The first thought I honestly had was about the insensitivity of this particular magician. My next thought was empathy and sympathy for the little girl. And my third thought was about how differently a clown would (or should) have handled that entire routine.

People think that a clown is someone who dresses foolishly, and does foolish things. This is correct, as far as it goes. It's also been said that a clown is a living cartoon, a Looney Tunes come to life, who sees and thinks differently than the 'normal' people. This, too, is true as far as it goes. But there's something deeper about being a clown.

As Floyd Schaffer puts it in his wonderful book, "If I Were a Clown", a clown is someone who lowers himself, in order to lift someone else up. This is not limited to any sort of theological context. David Ginn, one of my favorite authors, and a wonderful kid's magician, uses the same premise over and over in his book "Clown Magic" with his 'clown-in-trouble' routine. In short, when a trick doesn't work, it's never the fault of the child -- it's the clown who looks foolish. The child is the one who makes the rabbit appear, makes the ropes repair themselves, etc. We performers are the foolish ones, who should have pie in our faces, who are the ones humiliated, who are 'brought low.' It is our audience, children or adult, who should be empowered, triumphant, lifted up.

For example, when I perform at birthday parties, I'll typically do a very old routine, making spring flowers appear inside a chick pan. As part of that, I'll have several assistants from the audience at various stage, including one where I use a breakaway wand. For the uninitiated, that's a wand that, unless it's held the proper way, seemingly breaks in your hand. Since we performers are the ones who should bear the blame for this, I take the blame myself, handing a normal wand to the child, and holding the breaking wand myself. Who broke the prop? Me! Who looks foolish? Me, not the volunteer. He's there to enjoy the birthday party, not to be a scapegoat.

In short, if only that magician had pulled the 'underwear out of thin air' when he was holding the scarfs, what would have been different? The child volunteer would have laughed as well (assuming that he'd previously had the trick work in her hands), the audience would have laughed as well, and the magician would have been remembered a little bit fonder than he was.

As Benjamin Franklin said, we have to learn from the mistakes of others; we won't live long enough to make them all ourselves. So, let's learn to make ourselves the butt of the joke, not our audience. After all, we're being paid to be foolish; the audience's job is to enjoy it. Remember, the joke's on you -- as it should be.

Tom Raymond, aka. Raynbow the magic clown, is a professional clown and underempoyed computer geek, who runs the world's largest clowning web site, http://www.clown-ministry.com/ His personal site can be found at http://www.clown-ministry.com/raynbow/ Tom is available for both secular and sacred events, and is available for conferences, conventions and ministry events.

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Historical Fiction and Telling Jokes Considered

Not all jokes are timeless, jokes that were told in different eras in history, with different uses of the words, and different cultures can easily get lost in translation. For someone writing historical fiction they need to make sure that the jokes that they are telling in the book are authentic, but they have to be careful which types of jokes they tell because some of those jokes will not be funny to the reader in the present period.

It takes a lot of research to do it correctly, and if you do it exactly correctly your book might be humorless, because no one who is reading it today will find the jokes are funny. Indeed it probably isn't funny to today's reader also considering all the funny things we have these days in our current era. Humor is everywhere in our society and one has to be very competitive to get a laugh these days.

Nevertheless, this is where a historical fiction novelist needs to figure out how they want to play it. Some jokes are funny now that were actually funny then, but not many. All books need humor, so it takes a little bit of work and extra research to figure out what jokes are translatable from the culture your writing in and the historical time period, to the present day.

Just the other day, I was reading a historical fiction novel, where the characters told a joke and they both had a laugh. The joke was one that we might like here today, but I am almost certain that no one in that time period would've told such a joke, it was totally out of context.

Now, I suppose someone simply reading through the novel wouldn't have noticed, but I did, and I guess I have less respect for the author now, then I once did, because I felt as if it wasn't authentic, and that this Historical Fiction writer didn't do their homework. Please consider all this.

Lance Winslow - Lance Winslow's Bio. Lance Winslow is also Founder of the Car Wash Guys, a cool little Franchise Company; http://www.carwashguys.com/history/founder.html/.

Laughter is Necessary For Good Health But Short Jokes Are Essential For Laughter

Human needs are unlimited. I heard that when we wish for something, we become very aggressive to achieve it but as we get it, another wish takes place. And I found it true but this is a long journey. So it is always good to make a control on our desires. By doing this we able to live our present and stop crying for more things.

So ideal way is to work with full of your energy and enjoy the things which come in your way. Short jokes are the best medium to enjoy the present moment. Whenever we crack a jokes, we are not only making ourselves happy but we are giving a reason others to enjoy.

It has rightly been said that "you grow up on that day when you have your real laugh at yourself." It is easy to laugh on others but the day when you learn how to laugh at your own self is the day you learn how to live life. When you laugh, you intake large amount of oxygen in huge gulps which is very good for your heart and healthy heart is the secret behind all success. Here I would like to share some experts opinion and research about the value of laughter:

Miller said that "the most significant study finding was that people with heart disease responded less humorously to everyday life situation." They laugh not much even the positive situations and they shown more anger and hostility.

Erma Bombeck said, "If I could live my life over, I would have laughed more." How beautifully she expressed the importance of laughter in our life.

Fun, humor and laughter are the reaffirmation of our life. There is lot of panic in everyone's life but laughter helps us to forget all the sorrows for a moment. It does not matter that how many problems are there in life but it really matters that how we deal with them. If the laughter is necessary for good health but short Jokes are essential for laughter.

So I stick on that the way to happiness can be achieve by passing through the street of short jokes as they create fun and humor. I would like to share some plus points of cracking pranks:

- It bring us in notice.

- It help us to keep away from negative thoughts.

- It is great way to live present moment.

- They polish our personality.

- It is the secret of good health.

When you can get all these great benefits with little efforts so what are you waiting for? Just start entertaining yourself as well as others.

You can enjoy lots of fun at Short jokes & motivate yourself through Short quotes

Funny Jokes Collection

Snicker snicker...Laugh your way to good health. Who ever said laughter is the best medicine must have really laughed his way out of the hospital bed going crazy over the huge medical bill.

So have you had your laughs for the day? If not, now is the time. Just log on to the web and you will come across so many jokes, that you will be spoilt for choice. There are categories ranging right from kiddy jokes to the much appreciated adult ones. My personal ones are the blond jokes. So what if blonds are sexy, it's more important for the lady to provide you with the entertainment, isn't it?

Then there are the professional jokes. The categories include office, lawyer, doctor, engineer and tons of others without forgetting the fiercely funny men in uniform. But jokes on politicians and sex take the cake. All you need is just another political fiasco by our elected representatives and our very own Mr. Leno takes them apart.

Sex has been a part of our lives since time immortal and what better way of making it interesting than to take it to bed. This particular category is the most sought after on the net. And then there the 'Yo mama' jokes. These not only are funny, but also give you the chance to get even with your neighborhood hooligans.

Whatever purpose jokes satisfy in our lives, they are a very important part of it. So just read a few of them, unwind, enjoy and give those stomach muscles a good shake.

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Jokes - Funny Jokes Collection