ATM Instructions

ATM Banking Procedures

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
'Please note that this bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the below outlined procedures when accessing their accounts.

Separate MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed after months of careful research. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.''

MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.............

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse, and back up to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Turn the radio down.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open the car door, to allow easy access to machine, due to its excessive distance from the vehicle.
8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card, the right way up.
10. Dig through handbag, to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel, and re enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make up, in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash, and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again, to locate wallet, and place cash inside.
17. Place receipt, in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck make-up again.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back, to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver queuing behind.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull away. . . . . . . . . . . .
25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. . . . . . . . . . . . .
26. Release Parking Brake. . . . .