Sleeping Dog

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 12, 2011 | No Comments

One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner.

An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.

The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.

Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “We have ten children. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”

View the original article here

Sanana

My husband, and often the spelling of words, so that our little children do not understand what we wish. What this had become one of the day, when my husband and were in the grocery store aisle soup habit of does not understand. Aggressive young woman banged on our shopping cart, then nudged me over my cooking to prevent access. Angry, I looked, my husband and said, ' boy, is he r-u-d-e! "

"Yeah," he replied, "and the bet, he or she may, s-p-e-l-l".

School notes

These are real notes written by old Mississippi School District. (Spelling is left intact.)

My son is a doctor's care and should not avl today. Run him.

Forgive Lisa for the time being absent. He was sick, and had him shot.

In the absence of a good school: Please ekscuse John, January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33

I apologize to Roland, the avl for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of the tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had his face two teeth.

Chris is a school of which he is on his side for the cus layer Acre.

Sorry Jimmy for the time being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because he had to go Christmas shopping, because I do not know what she used to size.

I apologize to Jennifer is missing school yesterday. We have forgotten to turn off the porch, and when we found the paper on Sunday it Monday, we thought it was a Sunday.

Maryann was out of the December 11-16, because he had a fever, throat pain, headache and upset stomach. His sister was also sick, swine fever and throat pain, his brother was a low grade fever and Roach all over. I would be the best either, throat and swine fever. Must be something going around, her father was even hot last night.

Thinking “Out of the Box”

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 11, 2011 | No Comments

Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant’s beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant’ debt if he could marry the merchant’s daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. The cunning money lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.

The moneylender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender’s wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant’s garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine you were standing in the merchant’s garden. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl’s dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking.

Think of the consequences if she chooses the logical answers.

What would you recommend the girl do?

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.”

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we have to think about them in a different way.

View the original article here

Singapore Fellowship and Australian merge to create award-fifth of the world

Joint statement said the agreement would create a platform extended for global opportunities in the Asia-Pacific region, the recovery of the world driver clients its worst recession since the 1930s.

Cash and shares offer should be completed in the second quarter of 2011 subject to regulatory approval, the values of the ASX A $48 per share, or a $ 8, a premium of nearly 40pc last price traded.

Magnus Bocker, Executive Director SGX to become Chief Executive of the combined group, said that "by 2020, in less than 10 years from now, more than half of global GDP be in Asia-Pacific region."

"This is an opportunity we can't let go," he said at a press conference.

In terms of total number of inscriptions, ASX - SGX will exceed Tokyo to become the largest second list in the Asia-Pacific region after Bombay, offering more than 2,700 undertakings with more than 20 countries, including 200 of greater China, said the joint statement.

Merged exchanges will provide also access to the institutional investor base outside United States with active combined under valued at 2.3 trillions of dollars, including money from sovereign wealth funds management.

"There is no doubt it's a combination of point of repère.Nous try acting ahead of the curve to be proactive in a rapidly changing world" said Mr. Bocker.

The Wall Street Journal said the merger could create an approximately 1.9 billion market.

"At the end of the day, this combination is not only on the synergies of coût.Il is really on strategically makes us an Exchange much stronger together and positioning we grow in Asia, said the Wai Kwong, Director financial SGX Seck.".

The agreement seems likely to address certain regulatory issues in Australia as Singapore Government is a major shareholder in SGX, but stock exchange officials expected to major obstacles.

"I think that we would have announced it if we do not believe that approval would be forthcoming,", said Robert Elstone, Managing Director and CEO of ASX.

Australian competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC), Graeme Samuel said "I think it's an issue between the Exchange and Singapore Australia Exchange and I do not see that raise competition issues for us," President according to the public broadcaster ABC.

The announcement comes as the ASX is on the verge of losing its monopoly long Australia after the Government gave the go-ahead for rival to implement part exchanges.

SGX President-elect Chew Choon Seng is likely to become the non-Executive Chairman of the entity merged while ASX President David Gonski should become Deputy Chairman.

The combined group will have 1,100 employees and an international jury with 15 directors of five countries.

Something in your hand?

As part of the pub, Belfast paddy Murphy search as he had just been taken over by a train. His arms are at the ends of the sling, his nose is broken, his face cut and bruised, and he is walking with a limp.

"What happened to you? asks Sean bartender.

Paddy "Jamie O Conner and me had to fight." says.

"That little shit," says Sean o' Conner "that he could not do for you, he has been assigned common vulnerability and exposure was something in his hand."

"He made. says paddy "bucket is what he had, and he gave me a terrible licken with it"

Says "and" Sean, "you should have to defend yourself, right in your hand was something you don't?"

"That I did," said Paddy … "Mrs. O Conner chest and the case was postponed, the beauty, but useless."

Sleeping Dog

One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner.

An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.

The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.

Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “We have ten children. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”

Tips For Health and Enjoy Life With Short Jokes

Health is the necessity for all human beings. You can not enjoy anything until you are fit and fine. There is very strong relation between good health and happiness. If you are sad and tensed, you can not maintain good health. So there are some ideas which enable you to be happy for the sake of your health with smile and laughter.

When I am talking about health, it does not only mean physical health, it also refers to mental health. Rather mental health is much more important for us. So there are some important steps to keep yourself mentally healthy:-

o Do not take the things very personally.

o Make a habit of reading good and motivational books.

o Take necessary vitamins to make your mind sharp.

o Do not sit idle, keep on doing something creative.

o Have a dose of laughter through funny material and be relaxed.

o Keep your work up to date.

o Keep yourself busy and do not take part in controversial matters.

So now you came to know that how to make yourself mentally healthy. But after taking care of your mental health, take step to make yourself physically fit. We can do all work successfully with healthy body, so It needs to be taken care. You can follow below mentioned steps to make yourself physically strong:-

o Always avoid alcohol, it is protoplasmic poison.

o Add fresh fruits and green vegetable in your routine diet.

o Take 8-10 glass clean water in a day.

o Get up early in the morning and go for a walk.

o You should not talk too much on cell phone; its radiation may cause your brain.

These are the basics to maintain your health. Above all you should try to adopt good sense of humor. You should laugh a lot in a day. There are lots of short jokes which help to bring laughter on our faces. It is really good for your health. So enjoy life with short jokes. I am sure that if we follow all these steps than health is only few step away. We can enjoy our life with good health only. One can play short jokes and pranks to make life interesting and most enjoyable.

So improve your health with laughter through Short Jokes and go ahead in life with Short Quotes.

Something for Christmas

Posted on Day joke | 27. November 2010 | No Comments

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves to enter the Kingdom of heaven is expected to be at the pearly Gates. [1] [2] they are told that they must be something in the "Christmassy".In order to have.

The first man finds his pocket and find some pine needles in the family Christmas tree.He let it.

Second man presents at the bow, and some Ribbon, starting from the present, which was opened earlier that night., he also so permits.

The third man pulls off a pair of panties.

Confused with this last movement is, St. Peter asks, "How can these represent Christmas?"

To which he replies, "Oh, they're Carol n."

View the original article here

Thinking “Out of the Box”

Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant’s beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant’ debt if he could marry the merchant’s daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. The cunning money lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.

The moneylender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender’s wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant’s garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine you were standing in the merchant’s garden. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl’s dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking.

Think of the consequences if she chooses the logical answers.

What would you recommend the girl do?

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.”

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we have to think about them in a different way.

Dog for Protection

My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, “He doesn’t like men.”

“Perfect,” my sister-in-law thought and took the dog.

Then one day she was approached by two men in a parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear the the trainer wasn’t kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.

The Blonde

A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” answered the blonde.”They’re watch dogs!”

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3. Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished..

Bonus Commandment story. A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, “It really works!”

Spelling mistake

Posted a day in the life of a joke | 9. February 2011 | There are no comments

One spelling mistake destroy your life!

The husband, his wife wrote a message on the occasion of their official trip and forgot to add the "e" at the end of the word …

"I have a wonderful time! His wish was ...! "

View the original article here

English School

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 9, 2011 | No Comments

Donald MacDonald from Scotland went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).

“And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asked.

“Mother,” he replied, “they’re such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won’t stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night.”

“Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?”

“Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes.”

View the original article here

The Blonde

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 5, 2011 | No Comments

A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” answered the blonde.”They’re watch dogs!”

View the original article here

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3. Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished..

Bonus Commandment story. A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, “It really works!”

School Notes

These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.)

My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

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Running Errands

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 8, 2011 | No Comments

Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn’t especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general “go-fer” at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee.

He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.

“Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?” he said. The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, “Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me.”

“Good,” Freddie said. “Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf.”

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The Afternoon Quickie

Posted a day in the life of a joke | April 2, 2011 | There are no comments

Bill and Marla, decided that the only way for a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old boy was sent to him in the Park at the apartment and balcony and commits to report on the activities of the network environment.

The boy started his narration to his parents in their plan
the action.

"No parking lot car towed," he said.

"Ambulánsiya just drove over."

A moment passed.

"Displays such as the Andersons is a company," he called

"Matt's Riding a mountain bike"

"Coopers are having sex."

MOM and dad shot the bed.

"What you know that?" säikähdys the father commanded.

"The boy is standing and the balcony too," his son replied.

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The argument

Abe, David and Bernard were best friends but also top doctors in the neighbourhood.One day, they were out walking Golders Green, when they saw this little old Jewish man, walking rather strangely he is hunched over. [1] [2] on the one side, he is dragging his right leg and he has a hand in his lower back.

Abe says, "it's Peritonitis."

David says, "is an orthopaedic problem, flat beams and chondromalacia patellae touch."
Bernard says, "is the nerve-irritation level 5 level."

They argue somewhat and then decide to go and ask for the old man, in his issue is they do just. Thus it.

The man replies "Constituent. ICH HOTPLATES GEVOLT GEBBEN A FURZT HOTPLATES ICH INGEMACHT IN DER HOYSEN"
(You are all wrong. I thought that I was about to fart when I did my pants instead of)

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The best out-of-Office-Declaration

1: I am currently out of a job interview and responds to you, if not to see.

2: I am not really gone. I have just ignored.

3: you receive an automatic notification because I'm away.If I was, the possibilities are you did not receive any at all.

4: Is missed we are sorry, but I have to take my turn so that I can contribute to the management of the brain doctors,

5: you can remove all unread, worthless emails that you send to me, until I moved from vacation 4/18. hold down the mail will be removed from the patient and in the order it was received.

6: thank you for your e-mail address, your credit card has been charged $. first ten words 5.99 and $ 1.99 Adds a Word to the message.

7: the mail server does not check the server connection and will not be able to deliver this message. restart your computer and try sending again."
(This beauty is, when you return, you will be able to see how many,-du-viduals did over and over).

8: thank you for the message, which has been added to the queuing system. [1] [2] and is currently in place can be expected for the 352nd response around 19 weeks.

9: Hi I am thinking about what you are ... just sent me according to My computer. wait for the response.

10: Hello! I am busy with my new job when it comes to negotiating salary. do not bother to go me messages.

11 different: you have run away to join the circus.
AND FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

12: I'm going to be absent in the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When can I return, please refer to me as Loretta, if instead of "John"

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Undocumented Windows Errors

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 16, 2011 | No Comments

*WinErr: 001 Windows loaded – System in danger

*WinErr: 002 No Error – Yet

*WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error – Your mistake is now in every file

*WinErr: 004 Erroneous error – Nothing is wrong

*WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted – System confused

*WinErr: 006 Malicious error – Disk view found on drive

*WinErr: 007 System price error – Inadequate money spent on hardware

*WinErr: 008 Broken window – Watch out for glass fragments

*WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered – No one knows what has happened

*WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow – Mailbox full

*WinErr: 00B Inadequate disk space – Free at least 500MB

*WinErr: 00C Memory hog error – More Ram needed. More! More! More!

*WinErr: 00D Window closed – Do not look outside

*WinErr: 00E Window open – Do not look inside

*WinErr: 00F Unexplained error – Please tell us how this happened

*WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers

*WinErr: 011 Window open – Do not look outside

*WinErr: 012 Window closed – Do not look inside

*WinErr: 013 Unexpected error – Huh ?

*WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked – Try anything you can think of.

*WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error – System has been destroyed.
Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.

*WinErr: 019 User error – Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!

*WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten – Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.

*WinErr: 01B Illegal error – You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that

*WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error – Uncertainty may be inadequate.

*WinErr: 01D System crash – We are unable to figure out our own code.

*WinErr: 01E Timing error – Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

*WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers

*WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes – Remaining errors will be lost.

*WinErr: 042 Virus error – A virus has been activated in a dos- box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.

*WinErr: 079 Mouse not found – A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.

*WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow – Too many errors encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or recorded.

*WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

*WinErr: 683 Time out error – Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure

*WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory – Only 580,312,583 Bytes available

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The birth of the youngest child in the order: Satire from

Posted on Day joke | 18. December 2010 | No Comments

My wife and I are the youngest child. Our experience shows that combines your own than parents and we are talking about how things change the more children is often satirically:

Feel the baby Move

The first child: I placed my hand, my wive stomach, I could it is expected that for the first time, when I think every two months, could the baby to move. Hours in the hours I waited until the moment when the magic, I felt, in the context of this little movement. All of our family, we are called to tell them blessed experience.

Second child: when it first happened, my wife called me at the Office. I quickly ran to the home page, and seemed to move to the baby. We have experience in all of us a letter accompanied by our family.

The third child: he told me the baby moved. I told him to check it to us during the next commercial break. I have missed, because his mother to call from your phone, so I went on the night of the Monday night watching the football. By the end of the third quarter, finally move baby, I felt.

The fourth child: We were in bed and was trying to sleep. I turned to him and said, "you make my tummy, cant remain? I have tried to sleep. " When it became clear that the baby Jumping around for some time, we called for a Pizza delivery man.

Hospital Trip

The first child: whenever we felt the slightest decline of B & H, we rushed to the hospital. I made my wife him back to the car and fix the seat cushions.

Second child: We timed open. He was three, within thirty (30) minutes, we rushed to the hospital. He sat in the front seat, with cushion and loin nojannut behind his head, and his feet.

The third child: I came home as soon as he began to take on a regular basis the contractions of the Office. When they had five minutes apart, and hard, we went to the hospital. I gave her pillow store along the way.

Four children: in the Office When he called me and told me that he was having contractions hard and five minutes apart, I told him to drive to the hospital. I meet her as soon as I finished working on a series of correspondence. Reminder he can forget the pillows.

The first step

The first child: my wife were received from the camera. (I) were obtained from a video Camera. My wife took four rolls of film. We immediately ran for one hour on the development of the place and all four rolls were developed with double print. We had the best picture of the blown 24 5? X 36? and framed. We are event-Hall ripustustapa it. I had a professional studio, on the other hand, one-hour video (I) the edge of the document will be four hours with live links to local anchor-human voice-over.

Second child: We took one ro video film and the five-minute period. Microsoft took the film and the day following the date on which it was developed by the center of the twenty-four hours to develop. I took the best picture and my wallet is enabled.

The third child: We could not find a video camera and we had only five shots left roll-up updates for the movie. We took all of the five shots, but you do not remember, we never developed a restructuring.

The fourth child: I quickly got and were obtained from the camera. I placed it up high so the child does not grab it.

For the first time the children fell and Got Cut

The first child: my wife and I frantically ran the child. We effect on him, and he rushed to the emergency room. Do not loop is needed but we spent the night in a room for her bleeding started again.

Second child: We walked him, he picked up and quickly his bandaged up. We've spent rocking his comfort over the next two hours, the pain in the living room.

The third child: I told my wife that if he was still crying for a couple of minutes, we should go to, and make sure that he does not hurt too badly. When he does not stop crying, we bandaged him up to the cutting and laid down in his bed for a while, but we went to our data.

The fourth child: Put a waterproof dressing the cutting and told him it gets better after she stopped crying.

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Missing School

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 15, 2011 | No Comments

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

“Hi, I’m calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.”

Secretary at high school answered, “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll note her absence. Who is this calling please?”

“This is my mother.”

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The curse of the Princess

Once the King lived. The King had a beautiful daughter, Princess. But there was a problem. Due to the curse of the old witch he placed on all the Princess touched the melt. Regardless of what, metal, wood, plastics; anything he touched the melt!

Because of this, the men were afraid of him. No one is afraid to marry him. Despaired of the Kingdom. What does he do his daughter's help? He heard his wizards and magicians. One of the wizard, the King said, "If your daughter is one thing that melt his hands, the curse is broken and he smoked". The King was overjoyed.

The next day, he worked for the competition. The man who could bring his daughter 's, which melt marry her and inherit the wealth of the King. Three of the young ruhtinaiden took the challenge.

The first Prince brought a mixture of titanium is very strong. But unfortunately, when the Princess touched it, it melts. Unfortunately, the Prince went out.

The second Prince brought a huge diamond, the very substance of the world. But unfortunately, when the Princess touched it, it melts. He went away disappointed too.

The third Prince approached. He said the Princess, "" put your hand in my pocket and know what is there. "

The princess did as he was told.

He felt something hard. Although he turned red, he kept it in his hand. And it does not melt! The King was overjoyed.

All of the Kingdom was overjoyed. And third, the Prince married the Princess, and they lived happily ever after.

Question: what was the object of Prince pants?

(Scrolling text for the answer.)
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They were the M & M sweets, of course. They are rendered your mouth, not in your hand.

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The computer enough time

1. A friend calls and says, "How are you? Your phones have been reserved for a year! "

2. you forgot the TV remote control will not be able to work with you.

3. you can see something fun and shout, "lol, lol."

4. you can fill in, to prevent the mailman and I swear, he said, you'VE GOT MAIL.

5. you can log on and the screen says were 3 days and 45 minutes.

6. you can fall asleep but instead get the dreams of the IMs.

7. you can buy a laptop computer and a mobile phone in the car so you have AOL.

8. product support calls for help.

9. you can beg your friend receives an account, so you can "recreational."

10. you get another phone line just for Pizza.

11. you can purchase vanity car street sign on the screen-name.

12. you say "he he he he" or "oh oh oh" instead of laughing.

13. you can say "scroll up", when someone asks what it was you said.

14. you can sneak away from the computer when all goes to sleep.

15. you can talk on the phone you send an instant message with the same person.

16. you can view the off-line identity, which is annoying and the Ignore button convenient.

17. you can start to experience the "Cancel" after a period of time is not online.

18. "If the time to go?"

Authorization, you can sit in the AOL expects that certain specific person's sign in 6 hours.

20. you can get in the morning and go online to get your own coffee before.

21 … …You can stop the sentences with … ... three or more periods of … ….

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A Cowboy Rides Into Town

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 10, 2011 | No Comments

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. “Who stole my horse?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

“I’m gonna have another beer and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I’m finished, I’m gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don’t want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home!”

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Mass Hysteria

A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960's.

One year, when he ran the footage, he heard squeals and bursts of laughter from his students. When the film ended he asked what had caused the hilarity.

Replied one student, “We recognized some of our mothers!”

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