There's an old saying: That which doesn't kill us... is an open target to making a joke out of it! If you have ever been married, divorced, single, dated or interacted with other people on this earth you might laugh at the following jokes:
1. Have a Happy Birthday but don't celebrate with a glass of wine; I hear the wine-stompers in Italy are having a sit-in.
2. I hate it when my boobs itch, it's like trying to scratch jello.
3. They are coming up with a new Viagra-like drug for women, it's called, Ho-Zak.
4. I knew our marriage was over when we saw a counselor and he asked me if it was difficult to please my husband. I thought for a moment and replied, "I don't know, I've never tried."
5. I should have known our marriage wasn't going to last by the way my then husband-to-be proposed to me. He got down on bended knee, took my hand, looked me in the eye and said, "I'd like you to take my last name...and add it to your checking account."
6. How come when you meet the right person you know immediately but when you meet the wrong person it takes ten years of marriage to find out?
7. My fanatical religious neighbors had twins. As expected they gave the children Biblical names but who expected the names to be First and Second Thessalonians.
8. For the 10th wedding anniversary the traditional gift is Tin. On our 10th anniversary I should have been presented with gold bars!
9. My ex finally saw a doctor after we divorced. They discovered that he had multiple personalities...one was a thief, one was a liar, one was mean and one was a lazy son of a gun!
10. I asked the Lord: 'Lord, what's a million dollars to you?' The Lord replied, " A Penny." I asked, 'Lord, what is a million dollars to you?' The Lord replied, "A second." I asked, 'Can I have a penny?' The Lord answered, "Just a second."
11. In the book of Deuteronomy, Moses gave three long sermons and then died. Three long sermons can kill anyone.
12. I need to start dating older men. My last date came running to my car... wearing tennis shoes... that lit up.
Kelly Smith is a Corporate Recruiter Consultant. Kelly works alongside human resources and hiring managers to source, screen, review resumes, interview, negotiate and extend offers to thousands of candidates throughout her more than 15 years in staffing. Visit Kelly's web site at http://KellyStaffingExpert.com see her blog, view jobs, and visit her store to buy her book, The Recruiter's Hiring Secrets. Also, in the store link you can send Kelly your resume for her to review and to make recommendations from her corporate recruiter perspective. Happy Job Hunting!
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