Gold Boy Scout Knives

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 10, 2010 | No Comments

Lisa, a strikingly beautiful young Brunette, sat across the table from William, in a fancy restaurant. She smiled as William finished proposing to her.

“I’m not sure, let me think about it.” she answered.

William was crushed but kept his composure. After dinner they went to her place. The mood was romantic and William was eager to make love to Lisa.

She stopped him and said “Before we get married or even make love, I want you to buy me something”

“Sure my love, you name it. A car, a pearl necklace, diamond earrings, you name it.”

“I want a solid gold Boy Scout knife.”

Stunned, William asked, “But why? I can buy you anything you want. Why must it be a solid gold Boy Scout knife?”

“I can’t tell you, but I won’t make love to you until I get one.”

William searched high and low but couldn’t find such a knife. Desperate, he had a jeweler make one for him.

The next time they met at her place for a romantic evening, he again suggested they make love. Again she said she couldn’t without first receiving the solid gold Boy Scout knife.

With a smile he handed her a small gift wrapped box.

She carefully opened it and saw the knife. They went off to the bedroom where she opened a large hope chest at the foot of her bed. She placed the knife inside, but not before William saw the contents of the hope chest. It was filled with solid gold Boy Scout knifes.

“What’s this? The whole thing is filled with gold Boy Scout knives? Why did you ask me for a gold knife when you already have so many of them?”

“I can’t tell you” she replied.

After several minutes of badgering she finally relented and said

“Someday I will be older. My hair will turn gray, my face will start to get wrinkles and my beauty will fade. Who will want me then? But, do you know what a Boy Scout would do for one of these knives?”

View the original article here

Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis

The Internet's favorite webcomic, xkcd, has a pretty amazing graphic up today called the Ultimate Map of Internet Hangouts. It's a reworking of a world map, but instead of countries, there are websites.

The size of these faux country website regions represents the amount of activity surrounds a website and is based on lots of research conducted over the last year. Also, it's really funny! Check it out now, dummy!

Photo courtesy of xkcd

If these two videos of a kitten falling asleep in a tea cup are not the cutest thing you see all day, well... you must live inside a pink cloud made out of candy or something. Naw, even that's not cuter than this little cutie.

Photo courtesy of Buzz Feed

Meet Jacob Isom, a 23-year-old skateboarder from Amarillo, Texas. Notable facts about Jacob -- he has a rat tail. One of his life's ambitions is to appear in High Times magazine. And he's a hero.

Yes, this seemingly burned out 20-something dude is a hero -- because he stopped anti-Muslim protesters from burning a copy of the Quran. And then he appeared in a news report about it and was hilarious. Jacob's words to the anti-muslim protester after he took away his copy of the Quran -- "Dude, you HAVE no Quran!" are, for the moment, burned into the Internet-surfing public's consciousness.

Which is why I'm happy to report there's a "Dude You Have No Quran" Autotune Remix. And it's good. Ohhh, it's good. Sometimes people get 15 minutes of fame for doing something good. That doesn't mean they shouldn't still receive the Autotune treatment. That's just how the Internet works

Photo courtesy of YouTube

SPOILER ALERT! This very cool video, 50 Book Spoilers in 4 Minutes by the Fine Brothers, will spoil the major plot-lines and endings of 50 great novels. Don't watch if you're one of those people who hates having stuff spoiled for you, i.e. EVERYONE!

Photo courtesy of YouTube

View the original article here

New Clips for the Week

Mwaaahahaha! Happy (2 days before) Halloween, everybody! To celebrate, check out my list of the 20 Funniest Vampire and Zombie Viral Videos! They're frightfully funny! And terrifyingly good!

It's SCARY how I keep trying to make HALLOWEEN PUNS!

Photo courtesy of YouTube

Spider-Man creator/living legend Stan Lee was hanging out at a comic book convention this past weekend and posed for pictures with his fans. The pictures? They're pretty amazing.

Especially this one, to the left. Dude, have you no shame?

Photo courtesy of Urlesque

Behold, ladies and gentlemen, the legendary Candy Warrior. He wields a mighty weapon -- candy -- and keeps the forces of evil at bay. He is nearly indestructible; his might and prowress unparralled.

Alas, his chief strength is also his sole weakness -- his voracious appetite for the very candy he wields. Fair warrior, be careful... you're far too powerful for your own good. As long as you manage to avoid temptation, you shall rule this world in a fortnight.

Photo courtesy of Tumblr

This video, of two adorable bunnies inside of two soda cups, is one of the most adorable things you will ever see, ever. Ever.

There's not too much to say, other than that this video should probably be illegal because watching it on loop is absolutely addictive, like some sort of really cute form of heroin. Awwwwww! These bunnies can even make HEROIN cute!

Photo courtesy of YouTube

View the original article here

Hunting

Posted on day joke | 2. October 2010 | No Comments

Hunter goes may be hunted Bear forests. He carry his trusty rifle 22-gauge.Then, when he spots very large brown bear, is the objective, and will start to remove the bear When smoke. is gone.

A moment later the bear taps on the shoulder Hunter and says, "no one place taken is for me and be off with it; you have two options: (I) rip out your throat, and you can eat, or you can delete your trousers, bend over and I [insert appropriate colloquialism Sodomy here]."

Instructions for the Hunter decides that anything is better than death, and he drops his trousers and bends, and a bear does what he said he would make.

When the bear has left for guidance on minimising the risk of the Hunter, drag up his trousers and back to the city He staggers.. is quite crazy, He would like to purchase a much larger gun and go back to the forest.He sees the same Bear, objectives, and will start.When the smoke to remove the bear that is in the past.

A moment later the bear taps on the shoulder Hunter and says, "do not know what to do."

Then help Hunter drag up his trousers, crawl back to the city, and buy bazooka. now he is really mad. return to the forest, sees a bear, objectives, and will start. Bazooka blast force knocks him/her on the back of the flat.

When the smoke clears the bear is normally more than him and says, "You've not for hunting, are you?"

View the original article here

12 Funny Jokes to Tell at Your Next Party

There's an old saying: That which doesn't kill us... is an open target to making a joke out of it! If you have ever been married, divorced, single, dated or interacted with other people on this earth you might laugh at the following jokes:

1. Have a Happy Birthday but don't celebrate with a glass of wine; I hear the wine-stompers in Italy are having a sit-in.

2. I hate it when my boobs itch, it's like trying to scratch jello.

3. They are coming up with a new Viagra-like drug for women, it's called, Ho-Zak.

4. I knew our marriage was over when we saw a counselor and he asked me if it was difficult to please my husband. I thought for a moment and replied, "I don't know, I've never tried."

5. I should have known our marriage wasn't going to last by the way my then husband-to-be proposed to me. He got down on bended knee, took my hand, looked me in the eye and said, "I'd like you to take my last name...and add it to your checking account."

6. How come when you meet the right person you know immediately but when you meet the wrong person it takes ten years of marriage to find out?

7. My fanatical religious neighbors had twins. As expected they gave the children Biblical names but who expected the names to be First and Second Thessalonians.

8. For the 10th wedding anniversary the traditional gift is Tin. On our 10th anniversary I should have been presented with gold bars!

9. My ex finally saw a doctor after we divorced. They discovered that he had multiple personalities...one was a thief, one was a liar, one was mean and one was a lazy son of a gun!

10. I asked the Lord: 'Lord, what's a million dollars to you?' The Lord replied, " A Penny." I asked, 'Lord, what is a million dollars to you?' The Lord replied, "A second." I asked, 'Can I have a penny?' The Lord answered, "Just a second."

11. In the book of Deuteronomy, Moses gave three long sermons and then died. Three long sermons can kill anyone.

12. I need to start dating older men. My last date came running to my car... wearing tennis shoes... that lit up.

Kelly Smith is a Corporate Recruiter Consultant. Kelly works alongside human resources and hiring managers to source, screen, review resumes, interview, negotiate and extend offers to thousands of candidates throughout her more than 15 years in staffing. Visit Kelly's web site at http://KellyStaffingExpert.com see her blog, view jobs, and visit her store to buy her book, The Recruiter's Hiring Secrets. Also, in the store link you can send Kelly your resume for her to review and to make recommendations from her corporate recruiter perspective. Happy Job Hunting!

Aladdin Genie

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 29, 2010 | No Comments

Three American blonds were lost in Vietnam(during the war),they had no water no food for days.

While walking they met Aladdin Genie,and he says:”i’ll give each one of u two wishes”

The 1st. says:”i want u to bring me one “diet cola” and to send me back to my family cuz i miss them soooo much and so she was back to the states happily.

The 2nd says “i want u to send me back to my boy friend and to give me 50$ so i can buy him a present and so she was back to the states kissing her man cheerfully.

The 3rd was like heeeeeey u smart ass u think u’re smart ha. trying to send my friends away from me so i’ll be all alone, bring them back right now.

View the original article here

Jokes for the Week - August 16

The Internet's favorite webcomic, xkcd, has a pretty amazing graphic up today called the Ultimate Map of Internet Hangouts. It's a reworking of a world map, but instead of countries, there are websites.

The size of these faux country website regions represents the amount of activity surrounds a website and is based on lots of research conducted over the last year. Also, it's really funny! Check it out now, dummy!

Photo courtesy of xkcd

If these two videos of a kitten falling asleep in a tea cup are not the cutest thing you see all day, well... you must live inside a pink cloud made out of candy or something. Naw, even that's not cuter than this little cutie.

Photo courtesy of Buzz Feed

Meet Jacob Isom, a 23-year-old skateboarder from Amarillo, Texas. Notable facts about Jacob -- he has a rat tail. One of his life's ambitions is to appear in High Times magazine. And he's a hero.

Yes, this seemingly burned out 20-something dude is a hero -- because he stopped anti-Muslim protesters from burning a copy of the Quran. And then he appeared in a news report about it and was hilarious. Jacob's words to the anti-muslim protester after he took away his copy of the Quran -- "Dude, you HAVE no Quran!" are, for the moment, burned into the Internet-surfing public's consciousness.

Which is why I'm happy to report there's a "Dude You Have No Quran" Autotune Remix. And it's good. Ohhh, it's good. Sometimes people get 15 minutes of fame for doing something good. That doesn't mean they shouldn't still receive the Autotune treatment. That's just how the Internet works

Photo courtesy of YouTube

SPOILER ALERT! This very cool video, 50 Book Spoilers in 4 Minutes by the Fine Brothers, will spoil the major plot-lines and endings of 50 great novels. Don't watch if you're one of those people who hates having stuff spoiled for you, i.e. EVERYONE!

Photo courtesy of YouTube

View the original article here

Olympics Video Clips

The Internet's favorite webcomic, xkcd, has a pretty amazing graphic up today called the Ultimate Map of Internet Hangouts. It's a reworking of a world map, but instead of countries, there are websites.

The size of these faux country website regions represents the amount of activity surrounds a website and is based on lots of research conducted over the last year. Also, it's really funny! Check it out now, dummy!

Photo courtesy of xkcd

If these two videos of a kitten falling asleep in a tea cup are not the cutest thing you see all day, well... you must live inside a pink cloud made out of candy or something. Naw, even that's not cuter than this little cutie.

Photo courtesy of Buzz Feed

Meet Jacob Isom, a 23-year-old skateboarder from Amarillo, Texas. Notable facts about Jacob -- he has a rat tail. One of his life's ambitions is to appear in High Times magazine. And he's a hero.

Yes, this seemingly burned out 20-something dude is a hero -- because he stopped anti-Muslim protesters from burning a copy of the Quran. And then he appeared in a news report about it and was hilarious. Jacob's words to the anti-muslim protester after he took away his copy of the Quran -- "Dude, you HAVE no Quran!" are, for the moment, burned into the Internet-surfing public's consciousness.

Which is why I'm happy to report there's a "Dude You Have No Quran" Autotune Remix. And it's good. Ohhh, it's good. Sometimes people get 15 minutes of fame for doing something good. That doesn't mean they shouldn't still receive the Autotune treatment. That's just how the Internet works

Photo courtesy of YouTube

SPOILER ALERT! This very cool video, 50 Book Spoilers in 4 Minutes by the Fine Brothers, will spoil the major plot-lines and endings of 50 great novels. Don't watch if you're one of those people who hates having stuff spoiled for you, i.e. EVERYONE!

Photo courtesy of YouTube

View the original article here

Robber With a Ski Mask

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 1, 2010 | No Comments

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.

He yells to the bartender, “This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!”

The frightened bartender pleads, “Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!”

The robber yells, “Shut up and empty the cash register!”

The bartender says, “Okay, okay! Just don’t shoot, I have a wife and kids! I’ll do whatever you say!”

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender’s head and says, “Alright, now give me a blowjob!”

“Anything!” cries the bartender, “Just don’t shoot!”

The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells,

“Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!”

View the original article here

You Think Secret Mystery Shopper Programs Are A Joke, Case Study To Make You Think

Many employees think that the mystery secret shopper programs are a joke, not hardly and for those who have lost their jobs because of it, well, it's no longer a joke to them. They call these programs many things, Starbucks called them "Snap Shots" like a picture in time or a U-Tube Video by the Paparazzi that catches you in the act. It's a slice of life and a reality check on customer service.

In many stores and chains these snap shots or secret shopper programs are tied to employee compensation, bonuses and upward mobility in the company, so they are very real indeed. Not long ago an attorney in Colorado contacted a Mystery Shopper Company and asked;

I am looking for a reliable Mystery Shopper for the Denver market who may have to testify later in a court of law. I need someone, who presents well and is completely credible, or two "someones" a man and a woman to shop at different times."

The attorney was hired by a Franchisor who had a franchisee who was not following the corporate business plan and official operations manual. There were other circumstances and the secret mystery shopper did show up and do their job and reported their findings back to the Franchisor's attorney, and the secret shoppers did appear in court during the litigation process.

The franchisee lost his business and was terminated from the franchise agreement. I guarantee you that this particular gentleman who lost half a million dollars won't tell you that secret shopper programs are a joke. They certainly are not in the franchising sector.

"Lance Winslow" - Online Blog Content Service. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; www.WorldThinkTank.net/. Lance Winslow's Bio

Jokes for the Week - August 23

The Internet's favorite webcomic, xkcd, has a pretty amazing graphic up today called the Ultimate Map of Internet Hangouts. It's a reworking of a world map, but instead of countries, there are websites.

The size of these faux country website regions represents the amount of activity surrounds a website and is based on lots of research conducted over the last year. Also, it's really funny! Check it out now, dummy!

Photo courtesy of xkcd

If these two videos of a kitten falling asleep in a tea cup are not the cutest thing you see all day, well... you must live inside a pink cloud made out of candy or something. Naw, even that's not cuter than this little cutie.

Photo courtesy of Buzz Feed

Meet Jacob Isom, a 23-year-old skateboarder from Amarillo, Texas. Notable facts about Jacob -- he has a rat tail. One of his life's ambitions is to appear in High Times magazine. And he's a hero.

Yes, this seemingly burned out 20-something dude is a hero -- because he stopped anti-Muslim protesters from burning a copy of the Quran. And then he appeared in a news report about it and was hilarious. Jacob's words to the anti-muslim protester after he took away his copy of the Quran -- "Dude, you HAVE no Quran!" are, for the moment, burned into the Internet-surfing public's consciousness.

Which is why I'm happy to report there's a "Dude You Have No Quran" Autotune Remix. And it's good. Ohhh, it's good. Sometimes people get 15 minutes of fame for doing something good. That doesn't mean they shouldn't still receive the Autotune treatment. That's just how the Internet works

Photo courtesy of YouTube

SPOILER ALERT! This very cool video, 50 Book Spoilers in 4 Minutes by the Fine Brothers, will spoil the major plot-lines and endings of 50 great novels. Don't watch if you're one of those people who hates having stuff spoiled for you, i.e. EVERYONE!

Photo courtesy of YouTube

View the original article here

Hunting

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 2, 2010 | No Comments

A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.

A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll [insert appropriate colloquialism for sodomy here].”

The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over; and the bear does what he said he would do.

After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad. He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.

A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “You know what to do.”

Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka. Now he’s really mad. He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back.

When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says, “You’re not doing this for the hunting, are you?”

View the original article here

Robots With a Sense of Humor and AI Androids Which Tell Jokes

Can we design Artificial Intelligent Systems, which tell jokes? In the future we will have robotic androids and it would be great if they had a sense of humor? Is it possible to program personality and even a sense of humor into an AI Machine? Can we develop AI Programs, which can create new jokes and tell them to humans, which we will consider funny? That would certainly be pushing the realm of current abilities in AI.

This subject recently surfaced in an online think tank when one member stated; "Translation engines make such funny alterations of intent all the time. For example, put your resume into babelfish, translate it to Chinese, then to French, then back to English. It's an amusing result, but not intended as humor. This is it's best effort."

Yes I see your point and why sometimes best efforts is unacceptable and thus this brings me back full circle to my argument as well, just as your resume went around in circles to come up with an amusing result. It is not good enough is it? And I believe that an artificial intelligent robotic android is not good enough and I am not sure I want one which cannot laugh at my jokes and recognize them or make their own and ones I have never heard of unique thinking and joke making.

What if an artificial intelligent machine could spit out two resumes? One perfect in every regard and another, which was a joke. Stating that from 1992-1997 you were the King of England, from 1997 to 2000 you ran the World Bank and from 2001 to 2006 you have been the Emperor of China and you are seeking employment as a computer programmer for IBM? You would laugh too hard, think that was the coolest machine in the World and then it would spit out your perfect resume in every regard to take with you? Consider this in 2006 and lighten up; have a sense of humor. Consider this in 2006.

"Lance Winslow" - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; www.WorldThinkTank.net/. Lance is an online writer in retirement.

THE STORY OF THE DAM

Posted on day joke | 3 October 2010 | No Comments

The actual letter sent to the man, DeVries, Ryan Michigan Department of environmental quality, the State of Michigan.

Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget Pierson
MI 49339

SUBJECT: DEQ file No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County, Ohio

Sir DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of the environment to the quality of the property on the parcel has been referenced above recent unauthorized operation. you have been certified legal maanomistaja and/or contractor who has been following unauthorized activities:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams throughout the outlet on the spring Pond.The authorisation shall be granted before the beginning of such activities. The Department review of files indicates that there is no authorization has been granted. therefore, the Department has determined that this action is part of the 301, Inland lakes and Natural resources and the environmental protection Act 451 Public in accordance with the laws of Michigan compiled laws currently being in 1994, rekisteröimättömälle parts 324.30101 324.30113 streams in breach of the rules.

The Department has notified the other or both of the dams in part had failed during the recent rain event cause debris and flooding downstream places. we find that these dams are inherently dangerous and cannot be tolerated. The Department orders, and ruodussa all actions in this place and to restore the power free flow condition, delete all of the wood, and constitute the stream channel dams brush. All restoration work shall be completed no later than 31 January 2002.

Tell me this post when the restore is done so that the monitoring site inspection may be scheduled hotel staff to comply with this request or. continue the operation of the site may result in unauthorized in this case, was extended for the preparation of draft implementing measures.

We anticipate and appreciate your cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me here at the Office, if you have any questions.

Sincerely, David l. price
As the representative of the land and water Division
Scope of management
This is the actual response is sent back to-
Dear Mr. price,
Re: DEQ file No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County, Ohio

Dated 12/17/97 certified letter has been released for me to reply to.

First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries has no legal maanomistaja and/or 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan, a Contracting Party.I am a legal owner and a couple of beavers are constructing and maintaining two wood "residuals" dams in my spring Pond outlet stream (State unauthorized) process.

When I do not have to be paid, nor allow to control the dam project, I believe that they would be very offended, skillful use of natural building materials you can call the "debris."

I would like to try to emulate their dam Department project always challenge and/or double-clicked. I think I can safely be mentioned there is no way, can never match their skills, their dam dam resourcefulness, ingenuity, dam dam persistence, firm and dam dam job worrying.

Your request I do not think beavers are aware that they must first fill dam, prior to the beginning of such an activity in the dam.

It is your own dam to you: (1) are my spring Pond Beavers to discriminate against or (2) whether you will need all beavers, throughout the State to comply with the request of the said dam?

If you are not without these, in particular through the freedom of Information Act beavers requests all of these other authorisations, applicable to the beaver Dam which have undergone copies. May we see if the dam is in breach of section 301, Inland lakes and streams, Natural resources and environmental protection act, is actually a rekisteröimättömälle Act 451 Public in accordance with the laws of Michigan compiled laws currently being in 1994, 324.30101 324.30113 points.

I have several issues. my first – are not beavers have the right to legal representative? Spring Pond Beavers are economically varattomat and able to pay of the representation – so the State shall be supplied by the dam, acting as agent, assisted by the Department to have failed in its obligation to the other or both of the dam of tailings dams cause floods during the recent rain event is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which is to protect the title.

In other words, we should leave the spring Pond Beavers alone, on the other hand, they interfere with and calling the names of the dam.

If you want to ' return to ' free flow condition dam power Contact beavers – but if you plan to retain them, they apparently did not pay any attention to my letter from the dam can not read English.

Spring Pond Beavers have the right to prevent unauthorized dams built, as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream lowly I think. they have more rights than the dam to live and enjoy the spring Pond. Department of the environment and natural resources if you live in the name, it should (beavers) natural resources and protection of the environment (beavers ' dams.).

So dam beavers and case may refer the matter to the more extended right now for the preparation of draft implementing measures for. why until 1/31/2002? Spring Pond dam Beavers can then be ice, and not in any way you or dam HR contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to import the actual quality of the environment (health) in the field of attention, the problem is to include It.! bears our forests actually defecating. I think you should persecute defecating lens, and leave the beavers solo definitely. If you are going to examine the beaver Dam, watch your step!(To do be careful if the image!)

Currently can comply with the request to the dam and is unable to reach you in case we have any dam answering machine, I am dam send this reply to the Office.

View the original article here

Job applicant

Posted on day joke | 5. October 2010 | No Comments

Manager: Sorry, but u can not give job. I don't need much help.
Job applicant: this is okay. personally, I just the right person, in this case, you can see, can much. assistance in any case!

View the original article here

A DAM STORY

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 3, 2010 | No Comments

An actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget Pierson,
MI 49339

SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31 2002.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely, David L. Price
District Representative Land and Water
Management Division
This is the actual response sent back -
Dear Mr. Price,
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to.

First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood “debris” dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature’s building materials “debris.”

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is – aren’t the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation – so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.

In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream “restored” to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers – but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (beavers) and the environment (beavers’ dams.).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

View the original article here

BABIES ' GARMENTS FROM THE ORAL, RAN OUT OF

Posted on day joke | 6. October 2010 | No Comments

First class teacher to collect the well-known Proverbs.He gave each child to his category in the first half of the proverb and asked them to do so; the remainder of The proverb, the data may surprise you.

Better be safe than … … … … … …. the fifth Grader Punch.
It's always darkest before … … … … …Daylight Savings
The horse to water but … … … how can cause?
Do not bite the hand that … … … … … Looks dirty
If you lie down with dogs, you can "morning ll … … … stink
Happy bride who … … … … … … …. gets all the presents.
Do not place till tomorrow to go to bed places what … … …. you
Children should be seen and not … … …..spanked or bonded
You can take advantage of something what you … … … see figure selection

View the original article here

U.s. markets down on China rate shock, BoA mortgage fears

Bank of America have slipped 4 4pc after a CNBC report seeking to a consortium of eight investment firms, including PIMCO, BlackRock and the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, for to buy packaged loans in $47bn bonds.

"Wall Street is measure in real time of the crisis in mortgages, lenders loan loss" Chad Morganlander, an official money at Stifel, Nicolaus, says Bloomberg. " This additional overhang housing debacle goes to maintain financial stocks at Bay for a long period of time.»

BoA, largest in the country by assets, Bank also posted a quarterly loss United $ 7 due to changes in legislation in debit card transaction fees.

• FTSE 100 report

Blue-chip Dow Jones Industrial Average has dropped from 165.07 points, or 1. 48pc close 10,978.62 points on Tuesday, while the broader S & P 500 index lost 18.81 points, or 1. 59pc 1,165.90 points.

Rich technology Nasdaq composite index shed 43.71 points, or 1 76pc 2,436.95 points, as Apple is 2 7pc on earnings as forecast estimate and IBM dropped 3 4pc due to a decline in new contracts.

"U.s. stocks remain solidly lower technology sector provides the lion's share of the burden on equity markets", analysts of Charles Schwab told AFP.

"Interest rate first hike in China since 2007 is also the cause of a sense of discomfort and materials are some pressure, exacerbated by a strong advance in the U.S. dollar, which is weighing on denominated products."

Losses followed the decision of the Central Bank China to increase interest rates for the first time in nearly three years in efforts to curb inflation and real estate boom.

Bank of China said that it will be Wednesday increase loan Yuan a year to 5 5 31pc 56pc and yuan year drops 2 5pc 2 25pc rates.

Increasing verging on the global currency market and comes in advance of key data this week expected to show growth in the second world economy continued to slow in the third trimestre.Dans NY end trade, the pound sterling was extracted $1.5704 down from $1.5878 Monday.

Advance the dollar hit market commodities such as gold tumbled $31 $1,338 per ounce, wiping out the week gains dernière.Les oil prices fell too with Brent Crude for December delivery 4 10pc sliding to $81.10.

Shortly after the markets closed, Yahoo! said that net income has more than doubled in the third quarter of $396.1 m and revenues have increased 2pc to.$ 6bn.

The search engine giant said it expected revenue making $ 1 to. 53bn $1 in the current quarter.

The bond market has slightly augmenté.Le performance on the obligations of the US Treasury slipped 2 48pc 2 49pc Monday, while on the binding of 30 years of 10 years decreased from 3 3 93pc 90pc.

View the original article here

Old Riddle

Posted on day joke | 7. October 2010 | No Comments

I have the one you have one father, your mother is one and that your uncle auntie one married A woman obtains one but divorced her in such a way as to deprive one of (a) the Pope does not use his one of Lee Kuan Yew has a short-short one Mao Ze Dong was hairy one Krishna, the Lord was one of the Arnold Schwarzenneger must longer-one of the Michael j. Fox is a shorter one Madonna is not one of the people's Republic of China, as a general rule, a short which although Indian usually have a long-long long ones do you have one?

How long is your?
What is the primary one?

(See following answer)

Answer: My last name then what u think?

View the original article here

Why We Need Jokes

At the end of a long day in the classroom or the office you need to relax and unwind. The problem is that you don't always want to leave the house. What do you do? Well you can't just sit around and do nothing. Psychologists have long told us that having fun is one of the most important things contributing to our mental health. We've all heard that "All work and no play..."

Family entertainment can be very exciting and a great way to spend quality time together in an excellent environment. Children and adults alike need this time together to learn about each other and be close as a family. Entertainment can be fun and enjoyable and some forms of it can even be educational.

Where find fun? Internet has become one of the common source of entertainment. It offers many forms of amusement to the searchers.

Jokes consider one of great ways to have fun with your family and truly you can sit for many days with your family without feeling boring at all. So, when you search to find a good joke web site you should take in consideration that it is for family not for adults, while educational jokes will add fun to your children and at same time will learn them easily.

Jokes are the best form of entertainment today. It can be attractive and informative. It takes you from one extreme to another one. We are truly in the information age with funny jokes that leading the way of entertainment.

Ayman Almoqbel is the creator and editor of free jokes, videos, pictures and quizzes http://www.competetick.com

Your Choice of Jokes Can Make the World a Better Place

The other day a family member of mine wanted to show me a joke that had been forwarded to him on his cell phone. I was assured that it was funny, so I took a few moments to read it. But there was a problem - it wasn't funny. Why? Well, this particular joke made its punch line by expressing violence - murder in particular - towards three other human beings.

I understand that humor is something that is very personal. What each person thinks is funny is influenced by their own life experiences, beliefs, culture and society. I know that. I personally have a pretty diverse sense of humor, which allows me to laugh and share with many different groups of people from around the globe.

Humor makes us feel good and is healthy and natural. It reduces stress and can help us connect with other people as we laugh at situations and ourselves. It can also be used to tell stories and get us to reflect on relevant issues (like political satire).

However, there are jokes that universally lack value. They may seem to be humorous, but they aren't. They are contributing biases and advocating violence toward certain individuals, groups, cultures or ethnicities. What's so funny about that? Although it may appear to be "just a joke", it subtly reinforces ideas in people's minds and can feed negative sentiments. It's not making the teller or the listener more compassionate or tolerant. In essence, it's not making the world a better place.

The world around us is the sum total of everything that each of us contributes to it. Do we want to contribute violence and bias? I certainly hope not. So be selective in the jokes you pass along. The next time you get the opportunity, take a moment and consider what type of world your choice will help create. Do your part to make the world a place with more harmony, compassion and understanding.

Winter - It's Snow Joke For Your Car Insurance!

Have you ever woken up on a cold winters morning, having slept through your alarm clock, realised you've got 20 minutes until you're due at work, and looked out the window to see a lovely layer of frost on your car?

Most people, when faced with this situation, would go outside, start their car, and leave it to warm up while they get ready inside. This also rings true if - like me - you've got an older car that won't run properly when it's cold.

With so many people leaving the engines running while their car is unattended, car thieves are in heaven during winter. All it takes is for you to be away from a window for a minute and somebody could be off in your car which you've so considerately warmed up for them.

Naturally, this bumps up your car insurance. Even worse, if your car does happen to get stolen whilst warming up, your company may not pay out as it will be seen as your own fault for leaving your car unattended.

If you must warm your car up in this way, there are a couple of things you can do to deter theft.

Have a spare set of keys, leave one in the ignition and lock the car up with the other set. At least this will make it more difficult for a potential thief to get into your car. You can also have things like steering wheel locks fitted, which will prevent a thief from driving your car away. Having your VIN number etched onto your windows is a deterrent for most thieves, because they make it harder to sell a car afterwards. However, this may not stop the opportunist thief who just wants to drive around in your car for a while.Fitting a device like a tracker will not only deter thieves, but will also help you get cheap car insurance.

Insurance can also be higher in winter due to the increase of accidents occuring because of icy roads, so make sure you always drive with caution if you suspect the roads may be hazardous. If you have younger, less experienced drivers named on your motor insurance, consider becoming a taxi service to avoid them having to face hazardous conditions which they may not be confident with. What you use in fuel you could save on your premiums!

J Tillotson is an author based in the UK. Her specialist subjects are energy and efficiency, and insurance.

The African Visitor

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 22, 2010 | No Comments

An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president.

When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him.

One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.

The chief made a series of weird noises …. “screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-” … and then added in perfect English, “Yes, I had a very nice flight.”

Another reporter asked, “Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you’re in the area?”

The chief made the same noises … “screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z” … and then said, “Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building.”

“Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?” asked the next reporter.

The chief replied, “Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z … from the short-wave radio.”

View the original article here

Mummy

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 25, 2010 | No Comments

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

View the original article here

Peanuts

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 31, 2010 | No Comments

Tour Bus driver is driving with a Bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old Lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,

‘Why don’t you eat the Peanuts yourself”?

‘We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth’, she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, ‘Why do you buy them then”?

The Old Lady Replied,

‘We just love the Chocolate around them”.

View the original article here

Married

Two men, one American and one Indian were sitting in a bar, drinking Shot after Shot.
The Indian said to the American.

You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once.’ We call this arranged marriage. I don’t want to marry a woman whom I don’t love. I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.’

The American said, talking about love marriages… I’ll tell you my story. ‘I married a widow who I  loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father’s father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father’s brother and so he is my uncle.
The situation turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father’s son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.’

The Indian fainted.

Job Applicant

The Job Applicant

 

Manager : Sorry sir, but I can’t give you a job. I don’t need much help at the moment.

Job Applicant: That’s all right then. In fact I’m just the right person in this case. You see, I won’t be of much help anyway!!

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABIES

Children

A first year teacher collected collected some well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the rest of the proverb. Their thoughts may surprise you.

Better to be safe than………………..Punch a 4th year
It’s always darkest before…………… Daylight Saving starts
You can lead a horse to water but………how?
Don’t bite the hand that…………….. looks dirty
If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………smell in the morning
Happy the bride who…………………..gets all the presents
Don’t put off till tomorrow what……….you put on to go to bed
Children should be seen and not………..spanked or grounded
You get out of something what you………see pictured on the box

Jokes for the Week - September 6

The Internet's favorite webcomic, xkcd, has a pretty amazing graphic up today called the Ultimate Map of Internet Hangouts. It's a reworking of a world map, but instead of countries, there are websites.

The size of these faux country website regions represents the amount of activity surrounds a website and is based on lots of research conducted over the last year. Also, it's really funny! Check it out now, dummy!

Photo courtesy of xkcd

If these two videos of a kitten falling asleep in a tea cup are not the cutest thing you see all day, well... you must live inside a pink cloud made out of candy or something. Naw, even that's not cuter than this little cutie.

Photo courtesy of Buzz Feed

Meet Jacob Isom, a 23-year-old skateboarder from Amarillo, Texas. Notable facts about Jacob -- he has a rat tail. One of his life's ambitions is to appear in High Times magazine. And he's a hero.

Yes, this seemingly burned out 20-something dude is a hero -- because he stopped anti-Muslim protesters from burning a copy of the Quran. And then he appeared in a news report about it and was hilarious. Jacob's words to the anti-muslim protester after he took away his copy of the Quran -- "Dude, you HAVE no Quran!" are, for the moment, burned into the Internet-surfing public's consciousness.

Which is why I'm happy to report there's a "Dude You Have No Quran" Autotune Remix. And it's good. Ohhh, it's good. Sometimes people get 15 minutes of fame for doing something good. That doesn't mean they shouldn't still receive the Autotune treatment. That's just how the Internet works

Photo courtesy of YouTube

SPOILER ALERT! This very cool video, 50 Book Spoilers in 4 Minutes by the Fine Brothers, will spoil the major plot-lines and endings of 50 great novels. Don't watch if you're one of those people who hates having stuff spoiled for you, i.e. EVERYONE!

Photo courtesy of YouTube

View the original article here

What Else Should You Know About Doing Standup Comedy Jokes?

There's a big difference between a funny guy making his friends laugh every time they get together and the lonely guy standing on a stage ready to deliver a comedy routine... you probably already know that... what else should you know?

You need to know something about your audience... these aren't your pals out there! Chances are you're well aware of that and you've probably been hanging around this place where you're going to do this gig, you've been kidding around with the wait staff, you've sat down with a drink to catch the mood of the usual crowd...

You can tell a lot about what will or will not go over just by the age of the audience... a joke about Nixon won't go over well if the audience is under the age of 30... what else should you know?

You better know who your competition is. That means you have to do some research... you can watch guys like Leno and Letterman on TV. You can also go to local comedy clubs so you can watch your immediate competition.

You'll be in a live laboratory, finding out what goes over and what doesn't, learning about the kind of material those working standup comedians are using.

You probably already know that not all routines are right for every audience... but how can you tell if some of your risque material might bomb?

If you had an audience of nuns it would be easy of course... but the only way you would know in advance about a regular mixed audience would probably be through the sleuthing you did by mingling as a regular customer and being friendly with the wait staff before you had your gig.

What else do you need to know? Knowing how you look is really important. You need to do your routine in front of a mirror, a lot of standup comedy is nuance... many times a certain look or expression is what makes people laugh... they'll be waiting for it and you better not change it!

After you're pleased with your act in front of a mirror and you're totally comfortable with it, perform it in front of friends and ask them to be honest about your performance... some friends won't have any trouble doing that!

What else do you need to know? You're going to need a manager... that's someone who'll want to get you gigs so he'll give you his honest opinion about your performance.

When you find a manager you can trust, you'll get professional feedback about your performance.

Fran Civile offers a review of a great resource for standup comedy routines including over 100 pages of free material at http://writingforcomedy.blogspot.com/.

Travel Jokes

Traveling can be a humbling experience, particularly when you travel to a foreign country. Such experiences, of course, give rise to travel jokes.

Travel Jokes

1. Three brothers are sitting at the bar in a Moscow establishment. An older man is sitting at a table behind them and has obviously had too much vodka. He stands, walks up to the first brother and says,

"Your mother is a vicious, greedy woman!"

The brother tells him to shut up and go sit down.

After about 5 minutes, the old man stands and walks up to the second brother,

"I sleep with your mother whenever I want!"

Disgusted, the brother tells the old man to bugger off.

A few minutes later, the old man stands and starts walking towards the third brother. All three brothers turn around and yell,

"Dad, go home!"

2. You're at a bad hotel when the bed mint moves.

3. "Visi, Vermini, Vomnui" - I visited, I freaked, I threw up.

4. The President's Vacation

George and Laura Bush take a vacation to Crawford and decide to go the grocery store. In the checkout line, Laura recognizes the man working at the register as an old high school boyfriend. After chatting, they leave the store and George says,

"Wow, imagine if you had married him. You'd be married to a grocery store clerk now instead of the President of the United States."

Laura rolls her eyes and says, "No. I'd be married to the President of the United States."

5. "Veni, Veneri, Vamoosi" - I came, I caught a disease, I ran away."

Typically, just the act of traveling produces more than a few funny moments. Get out there and go.

Rick Chapo is with http://www.nomadjournals.com - makers of writing journals. Travel journals are great travel accessories and travel gifts for student travel, family vacations and adventure travel. Visit http://www.nomadjournaltrips.com for more travel articles.

Johnny's Favorite Moments: The Best of the 1960's and 1970's

From those early days of black & white with Ed Ames' memorable tomahawk toss to Tiny Tim's technicolor wedding to David Letterman and Jay Leno's stand-up debuts. The first decade of the Tonight Show was filled with once-in-a-lifetime classic TV moments. This volume includes Pearl Bailey, Buddy Hacket, Steve Martin, George Carlin, Flip Wilson, Don Rickles, Dolly Parton and Jack Webb in the "copper clapper caper". Plus guests with extra special talents, animals on the loose and Johnny's own hilarious cast of characters. Let the laughs begin...

Price:

Click here to buy from Amazon

Use Humor in Business Presentations and Speeches Says Executive Public Speaking Coach

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

Tell that joke during your next business presentation and you'll either win your audience or lose them. Maybe forever. Most jokes are suitable for some occasions and unsuitable for others. Few things are as painful as listening to a speaker tell a bad or tasteless joke. The speaker suffers, and so does the audience.

And yet nothing is better than humour for grabbing the attention of an audience and winning them to your point of view. A good laugh relaxes an audience. That's why so many experienced speakers open their talks with a funny story or humourous line. And salt their remarks with witticisms or funny anecdotes.

The secret to succeeding with humour in the boardroom is to be funny and appropriate at the same time.

Some topics are always off limits, of course. Jokes about race and ethnicity are always wrong. So are sexist jokes, and jokes about people with disabilities. Other themes to avoid are sarcasm and irony, two boomerangs that tend to sail over the audience and return to the stage to hit the speaker in the temple.

The safest kind of humour to use in a business presentation is a joke about you. If you're like me, you have plenty of material to draw upon. Self-deprecating humour is effective for two good reasons. It doesn't make fun of anyone important. And it helps you make a point without pointing the finger at anyone.

The best kind of humour comes from your own well. Stories from your childhood, your marriage, your family life and your career are sure to get a laugh if they are original and well told. Here are some tips on delivery to make your jokes winners.

Keep your jokes short

A one-liner gets just as loud a laugh as a long story but requires less of the speaker (and the audience) to work well. When telling a story, keep it relevant to your topic by including relevant details only (time and place, names, sequence of events and so on).

Don't apologize

Don't apologize for not being a comedian before you deliver a joke, and don't apologize for a joke that falls flat.

Don't talk over laughter

The better your humour, the harder and longer your audience will laugh. So pause after you've delivered the punchline, and pause while the audience laughs. Look about your audience with a smile (or a smirk). Let them enjoy the joke. Don't sabotage the effect you created. Start speaking again only when the room is quiet enough to continue.

If you aren't hilarious, at least be witty

If you lack confidence in recounting humourous stories or telling funny jokes, try to express yourself in a funny way a few times during your presentation. Even mundane topics become entertaining when you discuss them with some wit. Did you know, for example, that the IRS has the perfect gift for the man who has everything? An audit.

Humour relaxes your audience and helps them connect with you. Audiences want to laugh. They want to have fun and be entertained. So take courage and use original humour that's appropriate for your audience and your topic.

By the way, have you guessed yet how many blondes it takes to change a light bulb?

One.

----

About the author

Alan Sharpe is an executive speech coach and business writing trainer. On-site, online and over the phone, Alan teaches executives and managers how to express themselves clearly, concisely and convincingly using the written and spoken word. Receive a free tip like this each week by subscribing to his public speaking [http://www.alansharpeconsulting.com] and business writing [http://www.alansharpeconsulting.com] column, The Confident Communicator.

© 2007 Alan Sharpe. You may reprint this article online and in print provided the links remain live and the content remains unaltered (including the "About the author" message).

The First Completely Electronic Robot and Science Fiction Limerick Book

Is it possible to tell a tall tale in as few as thirty words? That would require a limerick, a five-line rhyming cartoon in words. In this case fifty-three tiny capsule science fiction stories to make you smile.

A hot little androidal miss
Who jets off her steam with a hiss
Is made out of junk
And is very steam punk
So sheâ??s much too risky to kiss

Price: $0.99

Click here to buy from Amazon

Silly Souls Diva Baby Shoes

The 'Diva' booties are the perfect gift for the little scene stealer in your life!
Our shoes are made from PU athletic imitation leather, are 100% vegan/no animal materials, stitched, and machine washable. Allow to air dry.
All products, trademarks, and copyrights are the rights of Silly Souls by babygags, Inc.

Price: $19.99

Click here to buy from Amazon

Why Political Jokes Are Quite Popular

Political humour is highly popular material because it is something everyone can easily relate to. Politicians are popular public figures so anyone can identify with them to get a good laugh. The public generally blames government for everything, whether the reasons it has to do so are sensible or not. Politics is a good source of humour - even when the economic downturn is practically crashing down on everyone around the world, people still get a kick out of political humour.

What's good about this type of humour is the fact that it is able to address whatever political issue is at hand. Everyone identifies with an issue, that's why political jokes are highly popular. They inject amusement into pressing issues without regarding the whole thing as an attack on a particular politician or statesman. It is rather more of a personal observation of the character traits prevailing in the political arena seasoned with a little comedy and wit. In some other instances, there lies beneath the surface some intent to bring forth as issue and initiate change or action on the part of the political subject.

Societies who are able to enjoy political humour should consider themselves lucky. This is the legacy of a free society. There are certain countries and cultures around the world where political ribbing is totally banned. Government controls all forms of media so citizens are not allowed to pull a little fun from the political scenarios.

Political humour is a manner by which arrogance and hubristic tendencies of those who are in power may be prevented from taking shape. Citizens have the right to speak their minds, and one way to vent this out effectively is through political humour. With politicians tending to become too egotistical or overbearing at times, comedy has been the most effective vehicle that indirectly exposes issues and concerns to the general public.

Politics, like entertainment will always be favourite material for comedy and humour. The general population feels a connection to it and its popularity is best described by George Bernard Shaw when he said, "The problem with political jokes is that they get elected."

Andrea has written articles on many different aspects of life for more than 3 years and suggests that you might want to check out coupon organizer or perhaps marketing strategies if you are interested!

3 Joke Minefields You Should Avoid at Work

Here's a common myth that plagues pretty much every office I've ever been to: Everybody appreciates a good joke. While we may desperately want this to be true, it's just not the case. While it may be a genuinely funny joke, it just might not fly in an office environment. Even if you think it's the funniest joke since the "I'm Rick James" era (which, by the way, is OVER), you should definitely consider saving it for after work during the following three situations:

Client Meetings

I can't emphasize this point enough, and I think I make it in every article I write about client interactions: You need to be extremely conscious of the image you present. Everything you say or do will be scrutinized by your clients, even if it's just subconsciously. Jokes can be a deal breaker when it comes to this image. Even if the client is cracking joke after joke, I would still be careful with your choice of funny anecdotes. It's ok to joke around a bit (if you have that kind of relationship with your client), but I would keep it "work safe", a.k.a something you would feel comfortable saying in front of your boss, the most sensitive person in the office, and your little sister.

The Water Cooler

This ranks up there as a dangerous place for two reasons: You're exposed to tons of people and because it's probably the one place in your office where you feel the most informal. A dangerous cocktail, this can lead to loose tongues and big trouble. I've mentioned it before, but you can never be sure who is listening to your conversations. I can also guarantee that not everyone will appreciate your joke about the sketchy sailor and his many misadventures. You don't want the next time you hear that joke to be in your boss's office as they ream you out.

Conference Calls

The mute button is always your friend. However, sometimes you forget to press it after your done talking, or maybe somebody else on the call with you took it off to speak when you left the room. Either way, dropping a joke during a conference call can have many unexpected consequences, such as everybody hearing it. If it's not appropriate for everybody on the call (which I can guarantee it never is), don't say it. Wait until you hear the click of freedom as your speaker phone disconnects from the call until you become Dave Chappelle.

Are these the only times you should have your joke filter on? Of course not. However, they are three of the places that I've seen the most problems occur for some of my co-workers, so you should definitely keep them in mind.

At Workplace Life, I specialize in making the life of the everyday business professional easier. For free tutorials on common Microsoft Office applications such as Microsoft Word and Excel, career management advice, office life advice, funny office stories, and professional email tips visit http://www.workplacelife.com.

One Dozen (12) Whoopee Cushion Party Favors

Get a laugh when you leave one of these rubber cushions of air on a friend's chair. A classic prank these whoopee cushions make hilarious gag gifts for kids of all ages. 8"

Price:

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Chocolate Calculator [Office Product]

Check out this sweet gift idea.
It'll crunch numbers, but don't try to crunch it back !
This awesome calculator looks just like the real thing, and best of all, the chocolate won't melt in your hands.
Did we mention it's also Chocolate Scented ? 'Nuff said.


Measures 2.5" H x 4.5" W
Comes wrapped in foil and paper, just like a real bar of chocolate
Mouthwatering chocolate scent
Solar powered, no batteries required
Perfectly sized for handbags, glove compartments and desk drawers
A great gift for your favorite math-challenged chocoholic

Price:

Click here to buy from Amazon

Funniest Christmas Games & Jokes - Making a Success Out of Your Christmas Entertainment

Christmas Games - Are you worried that Christmas day is not going to be as "special" as you would like it to be. Is it the Christmas dinner you are worrying over, if so, stop there. There is no difference between cooking Christmas dinner than that of cooking a meal on any other day of the week. "Special is about making changes." Okay so you have to cook an extra vegetable and ornate the table, so what's the big deal. Lie a sprig of holly with red berries alongside the Christmas pudding and a Christmas cracker at the head of the dinner plate, and that's it. Pressure comes from worry of which most of us do unnecessarily, but don't know we are doing it. What you need to do is sit back relax and think of the simple options' that can make Christmas day preparations easy

If it is not dinner that concerns you, but that of how to entertain your guests, then once again why is this also seen as a problem. Do your friends and family like to laugh? If not they are just some of the min-ute few that could have done without your invite? Nevertheless we have more jolly folk than not, so let those who purposely dwell on misery, dwell.

If you have a miserable person in your presence and their reason for this mood not be from losing a loved one but because they did not like the pudding, then you must not drain your energy trying to please. What makes people laugh; yes you got it in one, something funny. What is funny, well it is something that people find amusing, and when amused they laugh, and this is what we tend on doing. Play funny Christmas games that amuse.

Below is a list of the most traditional and vastly popular Christmas games for adults and kids. No game is boring if it provides fun for all and brings laughter into the environment

The Partner Game: You will need sheets of blue and pink paper cut into ziz-zag halves. Hand each man a half sheet of blue paper and every woman a half sheet of pink paper. During the party, each person will go off to find the other matching half of paper.

Santa's Outfit: This game includes six players or more. Have white/red paper in stock to use, white cotton and masking tape. Have the player`s team up - even the number out. Each team chooses one of its members to be Santa. The teams will then work with the props provided and will commence dressing their Santa. Allot a time for this game (10 minutes.) Best dressed Santa wins.

Santa Scramble: Your guests need to team up into two equal teams. Create two starting lines with masking tape, and place two wrapped packages about 15 yards away if space permitting.. Line the teams up with the Santa Claus Suit at the starting line. To start, the first player on each team quickly dresses up, runs the course, and then returns the wardrobe to the next player and so on. The first team to complete the course wins. Props needed for play. Santa hat, oversized T-shirt, padding for the belly, boots, and a sack full of small gift favors which can be given to all players at the end for joining in the fun.

Christmas Charades: Include a Christmas theme to play; however you can use another if you feel ideal to get laughs. In this game, a player attempts to act out a word while others keep guessing the meaning of the word. The person who guesses the correct answer is the winner. Several rounds are played to increase the game play. Words such as Santa Claus, reindeer, snowman are most appropriate but nevertheless easy to guess. Have the words taken from outside so they include other Christmas pieces like snow, pine cones, mistletoe and sledge.

Crack a Joke this Christmas. In a hat have jokes written on small slips of paper. One of these gags will have already been selected by you to be the winning joke. Each person will be asked to pick out of the hat. Your guests will have been told that one of the jokes in the hat is a winning one. One by one they have to read out their joke. Laughter will ring out, while suspense of each participant increases in hope they having the winning joke. Below some jokes for your crack a joke this Christmas game.

What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet. What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents? Silent Night

Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can hoe hoe hoe.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!

More Christmas games, jokes and gags can be found online. Most websites you visit may have special offers on, however being the season of goodwill, more times than not, joke material and down loadable games are free.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What kind of bird can write? A pen-guin.

What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws!

What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle? Neither, candles always burn shorter!

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? He had low elf esteem.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

Remember that your guests are already fired up and jollied, and ready to go, so therefore no real effort to be made, meaning, going that extra mile for a laugh. If folk cannot smile without having been told a joke this Christmas time, then they may have a genuine reason as to why not. If you are one of these people then don't suffer in silence. Christmas is all about "giving and caring," and "living and sharing." It's all part of the Christmas package.

Funtime Jokes & Gags

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Get Well Jokes - Is There Anything Better Than That?

Get well jokes are a great way to lift anyone's spirits who isn't feeling quite up to par. The only thing better than a little humor is a little pampering with a spa gift basket. Giving gift baskets can be much more appreciative than a traditional card or trinket, as well as more useful to the recipient. By getting a gift like this, you will be able to prove your generosity and show that you took the time to find a thoughtful gift for anyone you are shopping for. Purchasing an active gift is a very hot trend right now, and will definitely leave a lasting impression in the mind of anyone who receives one of these gift baskets.

While get well jokes are fun and entertaining, spa gift baskets offer something more. There are so many different uses for these gift baskets, and anyone will enjoy them. It doesn't matter if you're shopping for a friend or family member, or a colleague or employee, showing your compassion with a gift basket is much more discerning than sending a funny get well card or a useless trinket. You can rest assured that you'll find exactly what you need in these gift baskets, and that they'll provide the ultimate in relaxation and rejuvenation for any recipient.

Gift baskets are a emotional item in corporate giving and the Hollywood scene right now, and for good reason. Everyone would much rather have five-star quality gift baskets full of spa items than a card full of get well jokes. If you're looking for a gift for that picky person, check out the generous offerings of a gift basket. It will demonstrate how much you care much better than a tacky card or gift that isn't nearly as useful or luxurious.

If excellence is demanded, this is the opportunity to prove how generous you are in your gifting. Having some get well jokes and a nice aromatherapy gift can be just what the doctor ordered. What typically is included in aromatherapy gifts? To name a few: a plush bathrobe that might be found in a five star hotel, a custom museum quality glazed water bottle designed with Swarovski crystals, a deluxe bath pillow, lavender aromatherapy eye mask, and other miscellaneous bath and body spa items. The true statement of generosity, this gift basket will be well received in lieu of those funny get well jokes!

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Late Night Shows Jokes Getting Out of Hand?

"Laughter is the best medicine" - one of the best quotes that can get us through life's challenges. But what if this laughter comes from jokes that are seriously below the belt? Can we still consider it as a cure or more of a major pain? Also, what if these jokes actually come from TV personalities who have become part of our everyday lives? Let me give my own discernment on this matter.

Being a certified couch potato, I have grown familiar of almost every kind of show in either in free TV or Cable channels. I found myself accustomed to watching funny and opinionated programs, including late night shows. These types of shows are basically formatted in a comic way and the hosts are designed to project the image of a stand-up comedian. They do monologue and crack jokes mostly focused on current events. They imitate, criticize and joke about almost every person and event that concerns the viewers. But in my opinion, these comedians are not really hitting people or issues below the belt.

First, it's part of their job to entertain.  Whether David Letterman jokes about a political figure or competitor Jay Leno, the most that people could do is hate it or laugh about it. It might affect their perception towards that person, but today's viewers are smart and their final judgment will still be based on the person involved. Regardless if the joke was intentional or not, Letterman just did his job and made his audience laugh.

Second, jokes, which are said to be half meant, are still "jokes" and are not something factual or genuine. So even if comedian Jimmy Kimmel said the harshest things about politician Sarah Palin, it still remains a joke and it is not something stated on a legal basis. We should also take in regard that even comedians make fun of themselves, which only shows that they would take any risk just to tickle the audience's funny bone.

Third, people should understand that the media is not a place for perfection. A TV series is not made without villains, Talent Competitions are not complete without critics and late night shows are programmed to make people laugh, either in a nice or nasty way.

Lastly, everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion. I think the only disadvantage here is that late night show comedians are seen on National TV and ordinary people are not. But we should all admit that even we, common individuals also make fun of others, especially celebrities and politicians. I believe that we should still give credits to late night show comedians, whether their jokes are quite offensive are not, they still make our minds work and they still make us laugh.

Not to say I'm not a fan of late night shows but I'm just observing. For more Funny Jokes by comedians please visit http://www.mustsharejokes.com/page/Jokes+by+Famous+Comedians

Humor And Funny One Line Jokes

Having been immersed in humorous prose of all kinds and funny one line jokes for so many years, I am now fairly certain that I can recognize humor when I see it without it having to leap up and bite me on the thigh, but I would not claim to know much more about it than that, except for the following brief points.

First of all, I would like to give a working definition of English humor: an odd, embarrassing or funny incident experienced or observed, and described later in a plain manner, which might or might not call for laughter. The English sense of humor is an agreeable mixture of a sense of fun and a sense of proportion, which is not at all the same thing as a taste for buffoonery. Perhaps a small axiom could be proposed: beware of people who only laugh at funny one line jokes.

A joke has a measurable potential of laughter; there are snigger-sized jokes, guffaw-sized jokes, and hearty laughter-sized jokes. Humor has no such limitations for example, might only give the reader quiet pleasure and on the other hand if it catches the reader off guard and in the right mood, its effect can be violent and prolonged, inducing, in my case, uncontrollable surges of laughter, hiccups, and a curious snoring noise in trying to regain breath.

Humor does not put a value on itself by announcing that it is going to make you laugh. To tell someone to stop being funny or hilarious is to dictate to them what their sense of humor should be, and a sense of humor is a most personal possession that should not to be tampered with. Any attempt to alter personal comedy results whether they are only funny one line jokes.. is wanting the owner to end the piece asap and is recommended less than hilarious and rather disappointing.

It took some twelve years to assemble a representative selection of five hundred years of humorous prose. What emerged from the vast amount of material collected was that pure English humor, besides being itself, also functioned over the centuries like good stock in cookery, enriching other kinds of comedy and giving them added flavor. Wit with humor proved to be more appreciated than wit being clever all by itself, satire expressed through humor, was found to be more widely effective, jokes built on humorous observation had a deeper appeal.

Comedy does not work in a vacuum either, its audience has to be in the right mood of expectancy and confidence, a mood which a comedian must create with his opening remarks. In literature, a humorous writer has to set the receptive mood he wants his reader to be in with his opening paragraphs so the quoted humorous pieces and funny one line jokes, are set within a commentary which introduces them by describing how the extracts came to be written, or why, with perhaps facts or anecdotes or gossip about the author, or what was going on at the time, the aim being to bring the reader up to the beginning of each piece in a good frame of mind to appreciate it.

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Kids Fun by the Size - Why Bigger is Not Always Better!

Where to Find Fun

It's not hard to find kids fun. It's big, and even gigantic. And, it is everywhere. You'll find it bobbing, looking goofy, ready to bounce or explode or fizzle like a "pfghzzzz" into the sky, or squish with the mushiest "splooghhhsh" sound. All these things really play a part in fun for kids.

Fun is even found in an ordinary Italian meal. A pile of loopy spaghetti sits in silence. But then, the spaghetti gets topped with a great, weighty, round meatball that looks just like a big head on top of the noodles. Right away the dish seems to inspire the singing of that old-fashioned fun and famous song that goes: "I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed. It rolled off the table and onto the floor, and then my poor meatball rolled out of the door."

Big, round, fat, ball-shaped heads, or anything that can look like a big head, or get called a big head name, is funny and just fun. That must be why we have had for so long the likes of potato head, melon head, huge headed Macys balloons, bobble heads, and today some of the hottest video games are looming large in the head. Indeed, game designer Cliff Bleszinski would agree. He had said, "It's a general rule of thumb for comedy. A large noggin equals comedy." The producer of Black Box Games would also agree with the idea that big heads lead to kids fun. He had said, "It's quite simple really, big heads are intrinsically funny (kind of like games with Monkeys in them)."

So What's Big?

So, now we have a blockbuster movie that happens to be big on heads, and according to box office reports, is big fun. Not only kids, but adults as well love Alice in Wonderland's red queen's raging cry, "off with their heads" to those unfortunate people with tinier proportions. The queen, looking like a Clarabell candy apple, makes no bones about her big headed superiority. Yet she insists that her minions also have ridiculously, comically, huge proportions, to the point that they adorn themselves with fake bulbous noses, outrageous ears, and bulging bellies.

After the movie, I self-consciously smooth my hair down to minimize any comedic bouffant that might enlarge my own cranium. But, I am too late. The big head jokes from the peanut gallery begin. "Mom, your head is so big people thought it was another planet with arms. Your head is so big that when it rains your clothes don't get wet. Try it out, do a joke!" But I have a head like a melon and can't think.

Heads and Balls Can Roll

The next day, big heads talk was not forgotten. Lailee takes out one of those dispensing machines' small, but high bounce balls into the yard for a game of catch. "Take a bigger one," I caution, to which she jeers, "Hey, we don't need a blimp!"

"Okay then," I sigh.

A half-hour later she comes back into the house a bit scratched and bedraggled looking. "What happened," I raised my eyebrows in expectation of a story.

"Well, my hands missed the ball and it flew over the fence. But luckily, I found a hole near the bottom of the fence. I got down on my knees because I thought I could grab the ball, or maybe pull it out with a stick. The ball looked really close. I blew at the ball and it rolled a little. But guess what happened? I couldn't believe it, Mom, I got stuck! I think I need to shrink my head!"

Cynthia Goodman is a seasoned educator, counselor, writer and artist. She writes for this kid-friendly website: http://www.familyfuncartoons.com A top line resource of humor for kids and families.

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