Children

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and
waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard
my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed
by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the
jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk
to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you
ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking
up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered
and continued writing the report.. 'My mother said if I ever needed help I should
ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you
please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in
front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a
dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and
then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next
morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a
dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready
for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers
and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his
father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn,
and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I
can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something
fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What
he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I
think it's Adam's underwear!'