Brave Man

**1 How do you turn a fox into an elephant?*
Marry It! *

**2 What is the difference between a battery and a woman?*
A battery has a positive side. *

**3 What are the three fastest means of communication?*
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman *

**4 How are fat girls and mopeds alike?*
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. *

**5 What should you give a woman who has everything?*
A man to show her how to work it. *

**6 Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?*
Because you could easily fit another pair of t * ts in there. *

**7 How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?*
Put a nipple on it. *

**8 Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?*
Because they don't have balls to scratch. *

**10 Why do women fake orgasms ?*
Because they think men care. *

**11 What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?*
Nothing, she's been told twice already. *

**12 If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?*
Made her chain too long *

**13 How many men does it take to open a beer?*
None. It should be opened when she brings it. *

**14 Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?*
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you. *

**15 Why do women have smaller feet than men?*
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink. *

**16 How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?*
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' *

**17 How do you fix a woman's watch?*
You don't. There is a clock on the oven. *

**18 Why do men pass gas more than women?*
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. *

**19 If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?*
The dog, of course.. He'll shut up once you let him in. *

**20 What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?*
A woman who won't do what she's told *

**21 I married a Miss Right.*
I just didn't know her first name was Always. *

**22 Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
by 90%..*
It's called a Wedding Cake. *

**23 Why do men die before their wives?*
They want to. *

**24 Women will never be equal to men..*
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.