Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Whiskey


An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked.


“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot.


His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. “Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”


“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Whiskey

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 22, 2012 | No Comments

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. “Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”


View the original article here

Friday, 3 February 2012

The 1950s Home

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 12, 2012 | No Comments

A lot has changed in 50 years…

The following is from a 1950s Home Economics textbook intended for High School girls: “How to prepare for married life.”

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Some DON’TS: Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.

10. The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.


View the original article here

One of the Parachute

On a plane, which is about to crash, with three passengers: land, wisest man, student and politician.


When they find out that the level is go down, and between the three of them have only one parachute they debate that sacrifice his life in the country, and who go to safety.


Politician says he is responsible for running the country, so of course he should be the one to go to.


Of wise men on the man says, he is now serve mankind, so he should be the same as the punaturkki.


The student says he is in the future, and he should be the recipient of the parachute.


Speaks of a child, the wise man grabs out of the bag and remote region of wildly away.


Politician is astounded, but the student remains calm.


"Why are you so calm? We are both about to die! "exclaims politician.


Student answers, "soon the wisdom of the just leapt with my school bag, the future can hang with the politics and feel safe."

Thursday, 2 February 2012

On the wrong side of the bed

Posted a day in the life of a joke | 19. January 2011 | There are no comments

The young priest receives the morning breakfast and moves. On his way to two nuns to find him, and he says, "good morning sisters".

They sing a song, "you got the wrong side of the bed this morning."

This stuns the priest, who thought he was very polite, but he just goes. He finds his brother a little while later, and he says, "good morning brother."

Brother replies to sing the song, the voice of "you got the wrong side of the bed this morning."

The priest was very confused by this and goes. He gets a little farther away, and he becomes a priest and the entire yourself, he says, "good morning father."

The priest replied to sing the song, "you got the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Now the priest was crazy. He will continue his walk, saying no one word in the dinning hall. Bishop sees him and says, "the father …"

The young priest was going to take any more, even though the Bishop. He searches for the Bishop and says, "does not get on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Bishop looks at him stunned and says "what?"

The priest realized his mistake and said, "I'm sorry, that Holiness, what is it you wanted".

Let him review and says, "all that was going to do was to ask why you had a sister Ann shoes?"


View the original article here

Petroleum jelly

Find the pay phone someone's House nearby. Make sure that you will be able to see the residence of the phone. Put the Vaseline to the ear and the mouthpiece. Apartments to go and call on the phone. Someone walking by to pick up and put it in their adoption; When this occurs, they feel, they head for the Vaseline.See their expression and enjoy.:) ”

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Pilots’ Wisdom


1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.


2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.


3. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.


4. It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.


5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.


6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. Because when it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.


7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.


8. A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is one after which they can use the plane again.


9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.


10. You know you’ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.


11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice-versa.


12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.


13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.


14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you’ve made.


15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.


16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.


17. Helicopters can’t fly; they’re just so ugly the earth repels them.


18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.


19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.


20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.


21. It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.


22. Keep looking around. There’s always something you’ve missed.


23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It’s the law. And it’s not subject to repeal.


24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago.


25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.