Staff Meeting

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 28, 2012 | No Comments

Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot pursuit.

Moses calls a staff meeting.

Moses: Well, how are we going to get across the sea? We need a fast solution. The Egyptians are close behind us.

The General of the Armies: Normally, I’d recommend that we build a pontoon bridge to carry us across. But there’s not enough time — the Egyptians are too close.

The Admiral of the Navy: Normally, I’d recommend that we build barges to carry us across. But time is too short.

Moses: Does anyone have a solution?

Just then, his Public Relations man raises his hand.

Moses: You! You have a solution?

The PR Man — No, but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of this one, I can get you two or three pages in the Old Testament!

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Non-Smoking Dope

Posted a day in the life of a joke | 31. March 2011 | There are no comments

Two young guys were smoking dope COP delivery and appeared in front of a judge of the Court of Justice on Friday.

The judge said, "sounds like the Nice young men, and I want to give another possibility, which is rather than jail time. We want you to go out this weekend and to develop the use of other drugs and get them to give up drugs forever. See you back in court proceedings Monday. "

On Monday, two guys were on the Court and the judge said one of the "how you made the 1st? the weekend "

"No, your honor satisfied 17 people may waive the drug forever."

"17 people? This is wonderful. What can you tell? "

"I have used the diagram, your honor. 2. in that regard, drew a circle – the objectives of the internal differences O rehearsed unto them (the great circle) this is your brain on drugs before and this (small circle) is your brain on drugs. "

"That is admirable," said the judge. "And, (second son), how do you do?"

"No, your honor satisfied 156 people may waive the drug forever."

"156 people! This is awesome! How can you manage this? "

"No, I used a similar approach. (draw 2 circles) … I said (click the small circle) "this is the asshole in the prison before". "

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Postcard

A man writing at the post office desk was approached by an older fellow with a post card in his hand. The old man said, “Sir, I’m sorry to bother you but could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up and I can’t even hold a pen.”

“Certainly, sir,” said the younger man. He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a short message and sign the card for the man. Finally, the younger man asked, “Now, is there anything else I can do for you?”

The old fellow glanced at the card a moment and said, “Yes, at the end could you just add, ‘PS: Please excuse the sloppy hand-writing?’”

Scrubbing Bulkheads

I was scrubbing the bulkhead on the USS Kitty Hawk one Sunday morning when the loud-speaker announced:

“Religious services. Maintain silence about the decks. Dis- continue all unnecessary work.”

An hour later, the opinion many of us held regarding our daily routine, was confirmed with this announcement:

“Resume all unnecessary work.”

Ole and Clarence

Ole lived across River from Clarence who he didn’t like at all. They all the time were yelling across the river at each other.

Ole would yell to Clarence, “If I had a vay to cross dis river, I’d come over dere an beat you up good, yeah sure ya betcha by golly!”

This went on for years. Finally the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses.

Ole’s wife, Lena, says, “Now is you chance, Ole, vhy don’t you go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you volud?”

Ole says, “OK, by yimmy I tink I vill do yust dat” Ole started for the bridge but he sees a sign on the bridge an he stops to read it, then he turns around and comes back home.

Lena asked, “vhy did you come back?”

Ole said, “Lena, I tink I change my mind ’bout beatin’ up dat Clarence, you know, dey put a sign on da bridge dat says “Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in.” You know, he don’t look near dat big vhen I yell at him from across da river”

Postcard

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 23, 2012 | No Comments

A man writing at the post office desk was approached by an older fellow with a post card in his hand. The old man said, “Sir, I’m sorry to bother you but could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up and I can’t even hold a pen.”

“Certainly, sir,” said the younger man. He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a short message and sign the card for the man. Finally, the younger man asked, “Now, is there anything else I can do for you?”

The old fellow glanced at the card a moment and said, “Yes, at the end could you just add, ‘PS: Please excuse the sloppy hand-writing?’”

View the original article here

Off the Cliff

The two men are standing at the top of the off the edge of a cliff. One of the two budgies, one for each shoulder. The second is the Parrot and the shotgun.

The first guy off the Turkey red cliff and how birds fly out of the bottom. He crashes his flying rocks and rolls back. He seeks only to see his friend jump off too early.

Other than the guy falls and the Parrot flies off, he pulls up his gun, and a description of the Office of the ammutut bird just before the crash, as he too will be a key component in the page.

They are groaning in pain a little bit there, before the first guy says, "really does not appear in what should be so much information, budgerigar jumping!"

The second guy from the groan, and says, "I'm really not too impressed with the Shooting either free-fall parrot!"